Mystery to Me
by Emantsal
Summary: AU-ish - Shepard meets Thane before she recruited him. A growing relationship between two lost souls that just may help save the galaxy.  M for language and adult content.  Pretty much follows the story after recruitment.
1. Chapter 1

Mystery to Me

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Bioware owns all. (Except for the crazy stuff that came out of my head.)

Thank you for looking at, and hopefully reading my musings. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy the ramblings of a not entirely sane mind….

Rebecca Tucson Shepard slammed back another shot of JD and coke. More JD than coke really as it burned its way down her throat. But she didn't notice, didn't care really. A few more shots and she'd be too shit faced to give a damn about anything.

The Dark Star Lounge on the Citadel was in full swing tonight. Over half of the Normandy's crew were here blowing off steam. They deserved a little R&R after the events on Horizon.

Horizon… Damn Kaiden Alenko to hell. _Son of a bitch…_

Dressed in her most comfortable old jeans and soft, black leather sleeveless vest, scuffed, worn cowboy boots from earth, and an antique cowboy hat drawn low over her forehead, she didn't look like a typical patron of this particular bar, but then neither did she resemble Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, aka the Butcher of Torfan.

Shepard was seated by herself in the back of the darkened bar, facing the entrance, the wall at her back as she tipped her chair back and studied the surrounding area. Loud dance music pumped from hidden speakers and strobe lighting cast shadows in every corner. From here though, she could see everything going on, open lines of sight to the left, right, and straight on. Knocking back another drink the waitress had just left, she again thought it was a good thing she'd already reserved a room in the hotel upstairs from the bar.

The buzz in her head grew louder the longer she sat there drinking. Several crew members stopped by to chat. Jacob and Garrus had even asked her to dance. A small crazy giggle slipped from her lips as she thought of Jacob and Garrus dancing together. Oh shit – Who would lead? Oh yea, the JD was finally doing its job. Now she was just getting plain stupid drunk. Sure beat crying into her drink. She snorted into her drink and sloshed a few drops onto her jeans. She signaled to the waitress for a refill.

A few of her crew were seated at the table on her left. They, too, were getting shit faced and it looked like Gabby and Kenneth were going to wind up either making out on the table or hopefully they'd at least wait to get back to the Normandy.

On her right a man sat nursing a drink, some green concoction. Probably Krogan Ryncol. Maybe she'd have one of those before heading up to her room. Wanted to make damn good and sure she wasn't able to think when she fell into bed.

She couldn't help looking back at the guy seated at the next table. Like her, he was seated with his back to the wall. A long dark leather coat and matching pants covered a body that looked honed and lean, the open collar displaying a broad chest with well defined muscles. It was kinda funny, his drink almost matched the color of some of his skin. He glanced up from his own musings and caught her looking at him. He raised his glass in a mock salute before taking another long drink. Large dark eyes held hers a moment longer before he returned to scanning the bar. Definitely a hired gun of some type. Too much unconscious tension coiled in his body, in the way he studied the room, the people. He was a Drell, she realized, having seen one or two in her time with the Alliance. _Oh fuck_, the Alliance… _Kaiden.._. _God damn it…_

The front legs of the chair hit the floor with a thud. Too drunk to really care or think about her actions, she got up and walked on surprisingly steady legs over to his table. Turning the chair nearest him around, she straddled the seat and pushed her hat back on her head, leaning forward to rest her arms on the back of the chair. "You should buy me another drink," she said without preamble, her gaze frank and interested.

Shit, his contact hadn't shown. He'd been here most of the evening and there was no sign of the Batarian he'd been scheduled to meet with. Just as well, he rationalized philosophically. His next contract was particularly hazardous, and he hated to commit to another job knowing he might not be able to fulfill the contract. Professional ego getting the better of him at the moment, he laughed mirthlessly at himself. Prehaps if the Gods allowed him to make it back from Nos Astra in one piece…

Seated in the back, in the darkest part of the Dark Star Bar on the Citadel, Thane Krios surveyed the others around him with thinly disguised disinterest. Years of living on the edge had honed his senses to a fine point, the ability to sense undercurrents, discern danger from subtle shifts in patterns, these were the skills that had kept him alive.

Well, they had kept his body alive. He considered his soul already dead. Without _her_, there was no him. He was merely an instrument of death now. A hired assassin contracting out to the highest bidder. But even now his body was failing. The specialist he'd seen just that morning had merely repeated the exact prognosis he'd given six months earlier. The Kepral's Syndrome was progressing as expected. His lungs were failing and more than likely he would return to the sea within a year.

The table on his right was occupied by four Asari drinking wine, talking, and gesturing wildly. They occasionally got up to dance, either together, or with any number of other species that stopped by and asked them. Definitely not matriarchs. Probably only a few centuries old. They presented no danger, they held no interest for him.

The woman seated on his left however… Dangerous? Not the "threat of imminent attack, gonna kill you" kind of dangerous. More in a subtle unconscious way, like she too lived on the edge. Like him, she'd chosen to sit with her back against the wall. And the way she studied her surroundings… Even with the amount of alcohol he'd witnessed her consume throughout the evening, she was still more alert to what was happening in the bar than most sober security professionals.

The effects of his own Krogan Ryncol were muted. He'd been sipping it, slowly. After coming to the conclusion the Batarian was a no show, he'd just wanted to be numb. He had a two day layover before catching his flight to Illium, and after the visit with the specialist this morning he'd tried meditation and prayer to calm the memories. Seeking solace in solitude and introspection was as natural to him as breathing. It was ironic that even the breathing thing was getting harder. They usually worked, usually. Not today, though, hence the foul green concoction in front of him.

Two different men had asked the woman to dance. One had been human, dark skinned and wearing some sort of uniform. The other had been Turian of all things. She seemed to know them, but she'd turned them both down, just leaning back, her chair propped up against the wall, gesturing for them to leave her be. Well, it had seemed more like a command… The waitress had delivered a steady stream of some dark liquid that she'd knocked back without the slightest hesitation…

He had long ago given up fighting against his body's physical needs. In the years since _her_ death, his body had sought release with occasional women, usually Asari prostitutes working the space ports or bars. No connection, just the most neutral of memories associated with physical pleasure. The body was separate from the soul, and his soul and heart had slipped into the sea with _her_ all those years ago. But still, his body occasionally wanted release, his mind wanted release from the constant perfect memories, some that threatened to cripple him.

His body was acutely conscious of her… Human… Fair skin, light hair, a body similar to Asari, but not as soft. A fighter's body, a warriors body. A look of interest in her eyes... He raised his glass in a mock salute and took a larger pull from the glass… After a lingering glance, he returned to looking out over the bar.

He heard the chair legs bang against the floor and without looking, knew she was pulling a chair up.

"You should buy me another drink."


	2. Chapter 2

He motioned the waitress over with a nod of his head.

"What'll it be?" she asked, looking at both of them. The human's was half empty and the Drell's was almost gone. Interesting…a human and a drell sitting together, obviously digging each other… Oh well, when you'd been around as long as she had, you were bound to see any number of odd things.

"I'll have what he's having," Shepard replied, pointing to the green liquid the Drell slowly swirled in his class.

"You know that stuff is bad for humans, Drell too," the waitress pointed out, writing down their order when Thane indicated he'd have another with a gesture of the glass. Oh yea, cards were in play here tonight. She wished them both the time of their life. It wasn't like she'd been getting any lately…

"I am not drinking for my physical health." "My health is the least of my concerns." They spoke at the same time, one voice a deep throaty male, the other smooth husky female.

"Like this stuff's good for me," she joked as the waitress walked away. She drained the rest of her drink and set the glass on the table.

"I have observed that most individuals drink to either lower their inhibitions, or to forget," Thane commented before taking another small sip of his drink. For him though, it was to become numb. He couldn't stop the memories, but he could, when he chose to, drink himself into oblivion, where even the memories couldn't find him.

It wasn't often that he felt like this, but sometimes… There was so much he had to make up for in his life. So many things he'd done, so many things he hadn't done. His son didn't even know him anymore. And then the memories would start, not the good ones he could escape into. No, there were the ones that haunted his soul, the ones that ate away at the peace he struggled daily to attain through prayers and meditations. These memories drove him to…

He focused on her face. Up close she was even more striking, for a human. Older than he'd originally thought, but still younger than himself. Pale grey eyes that looked like some of the storm clouds that would roll in off the oceans of Kajea regarded him from an oval face. In the dim light of the bar he could just make out a network of fine scars that covered her face like some kind of spider web. There were more on the backs of her hands and on her arms. He wondered what she'd done to get them. He also wondered what her game was. As a general rule, humans kept to themselves. They weren't known for doing the whole interspecies thing.

"So which one are you? Getting drunk to get lucky, or getting drunk to forget?" She'd always been a straight to the point kind of girl. His eyes were so dark and deep she could fall into them. And for an alien, he had the most perfect lips, the kind that said, "Come suck on me…" Pale green scales with darker pattern markings, he was arrestingly attractive, for an alien. The pale red ribbons of flesh that ran under his chin, up to his ears? They looked so soft. Would they feel as soft to the touch? Oh, and that chest, all open jacket thing displaying such a broad expanse of soft, shimmery, green goodness…

"I might ask you the same question," he answered her question with one of his own. Were all humans this direct and to the point? Or maybe that's what he sensed about her, that living on the edge of danger aura that she exuded.

The waitress arrived with their drinks and set them on the table. His omni-tool glowed briefly as he paid for their drinks. After taking her first sip and relishing the shudder that passed through her body as the alien liquor burned its way down her throat, Shepard replied, "If I finish this, I'll be anything you want me to be. You aren't here waiting on anyone, are you?" She hadn't thought of that. What if he was waiting on someone? A girlfriend? A wife? She took another sip of the Ryncol.

"An interesting proposition, and no, I am not waiting on anyone, Ms.?" Even as his mind rebelled against the urging of his body, he felt his blood stir as heat pooled in his groin. It had been a long time… He reached for his glass and took a long pull. Perhaps if he could just drink his body into submission.

"Just call me Arizona." It was where she'd been born on Earth. "And you are?" It was kinda surprising that he didn't know who she was, but then Commander Rebecca Tucson Shepard was supposed to be dead. _Drink more, faster, before that particular little bug starts crawling around in your head again._ She took a long pull from the glass of green venom.

Not her real name he was sure. With all his years of training, he'd learned how to read people. His life often depended on it. He was silent for several moments before saying, "I am called Rakha." It was the closest thing he could think of on such short notice and under the growing effects of the Krogan poison, green, drink thing… Rakhana, the Drell home world, it would have to do.

Damn, when did her drink get empty?

Did someone empty his glass while he wasn't looking?

Shepard noticed the bar was still full of people, fuzzy, blurry people. Fuzzy Garrus and Fuzzy Jacob, as well as a few other crew members, who were all going in and out of focus, were now hanging around the bar. She didn't want them following her, or knowing anything about where she was going, or, hopefully, with whom.

"Big brother" Garrus was so damn protective of her, and it had only gotten worse since Horizon. Granted, they had a long history of being there for each other. She couldn't ask for a better friend. But right now she just wanted a warm body, preferably the one seated next to her with the "come suck on me" lips. A distraction from the life of being Commander Shepard, a life that was so screwed up right now she didn't even know who she was or, more to the point, why she was.

"So, Rakha," she paused after saying his name. She was sure it wasn't his real name, and she didn't care. This wasn't about names and getting to know each other. It was about sex. Plain and simple sex. Well maybe not so simple, and definitely not plain vanilla. More like JD and Ryncol and hot, drunk "lets try something different" sex. "Interested nor not?"

She'd never done a one night stand before. It had never been her style. But that was before, before the whole being dead thing, before signing up for a suicide mission, before Kai… Fuck him. She was on a one way ticket to hell. There was no happy tomorrow, no great love story waiting to be written in the stars. There was only here and now. She could well be one of those husk soon. That thought caused her to shudder.

Interested or not… His body had made that decision as soon as she pulled up a chair at his table. Even now he felt his groin begin to tighten. He had denied his body for over a year. The alcohol and her nearness, it was too much. "I have a room upstairs," he said, already standing and reaching for her hand to help her up.

Shepard glanced toward the bar to make sure Garrus and Jacob were occupied as 'Rakha' guided them toward a rear corner of the bar where the back exit was located. She couldn't stop a smile that played on her lips. He must have scoped out the place, too.

Thane placed his hand on her lower back, guiding her toward the rear exit. His hand brushed something hard stuck into the back of her jeans. She'd come to the bar packing heat. She'd approached him. She hadn't really wanted to know his name… Dark thoughts began to crawl through his alcohol fogged mind.

Outside the bar, in the dark of the alley, he forced her up against the wall, leaned his body into hers and covered her mouth with his. The kiss was wild. One hand going up to tangle in her hair and the other around her waist, his tongue sought entrance to her mouth and she opened to him without resistance. Her hands clutched at his shoulders and she sought to get closer. Her teeth nipped at his lower lip, sucking it into her own mouth where her tongue stroked the tender flesh.

It was no problem to get his hand under her top, the pretext of touching her, of pulling her closer. It was no problem to suddenly flip them around so that she was standing between his legs, the gun deftly removed and placed in a coat pocket. With that taken care of, he could enjoy the feel of her rubbing against his already throbbing cock. Could enjoy the feel of her soft skin on the palms of his hands. He still didn't trust her, but she was too drunk to even notice the missing piece. He could handle her… He sucked in a breath when her hand slid down the front of his pants, cupping him in a firm grasp that had him moaning into her mouth.

"Upstairs," he managed to say, loathe to stop but unwilling to fuck her right here.

"I want you," she whimpered when he pushed her away, her eyes glazed with passion and need. It was all he could do not to strip her right there and bury himself in her.


	3. Chapter 3

He surrendered his will to that of his body. In the private elevator to his penthouse suite, he gave into the inner demons that rode his psyche, demons he constantly battled with meditation and prayer. He didn't know what it was, whether it was his own sick, twisted soul, or whether it was from the dark energy emanating from the woman currently shoving him against the cool glass of the elevator, her lips greedily devouring his… whatever it was, his hands were full of her ass, pulling her deliciously, roughly, against his straining member.

It was nothing to get her piece back. Her hands were everywhere, stroking the hard muscles of his arms, the delicate frills of his neck, the smooth scales of his face, the 'oh-so-tight' muscles of his ass. With one hand playing with the fly of his pants, the other roving everywhere, including into the pocket he'd so cleverly stashed her gun in, it was almost like a game. Except she sensed he was deadly serious. A tricky situation, especially with them both being excessively drunk.

Shepard leaned back slightly, still nibbling on his lips. Why was everything so sparkly?

"If you wanted my gun, you could have just asked," she murmured, looking slightly up into his fathomless eyes. Carefully, so he wouldn't mistake her actions, she slid it back into the pocket she'd just taken it from.

"Are you generally this trusting, or is it just that Krogan toxin that's making you so naive?" Damn, his heart had almost stopped when she'd mentioned the gun. She was good, very good. He'd be wise to remember that.

"If I though you were going to try to kill me, you'd already be dead," she said matter-of-factly. The elevator doors opened and she slowly pushed away, a single finger trailing down his chest to the waistband of his pants. Turning around she walked into the spacious suite, stopping in the middle of the living room. She removed her cowboy hat and tossed it onto the nearest couch.

She was right, he realized. If she'd been hired to kill him, she could have done so easily, but she'd put the gun back in his pocket. He didn't relax, but followed her with his eyes as she walked to the center of the living room. Leaning against the door of the elevator that opened directly into the penthouse, Thane watched her.

With the hat gone, long blonde hair tumbled halfway down her back. She arched backwards, hands lifting and shaking out the heavy tresses. He knew it smelled like the desert after a rain. He knew it was as soft as the finest silk he'd ever touched. He wanted her to rub it all over his body. He wanted to grab handfuls while his lips plundered hers and his body pumped into her.

He watched as she slowly turned around and began undoing the laces that held her vest together. There were no memories interfering now. He was totally in the moment as she slowly removed the black leather to reveal the black bra beneath. It, too, floated to the floor, and his pulse rate began a steady climb. Released from their tight confines, he realized her breasts were larger than he'd thought. Twin globes, each a very generous handful, awaited his attention. His mouth watered as he thought of his tongue stroking each nipple. Oh the joys of women with breasts….

Alien hands with five fingers seemed to caress their way down over an incredibly flat and toned stomach to the fly of her jeans, unsnapping and unzipping the blue material, slowly beginning to push the fabric down over shapely hips and plump ass…

Thane lost it at that point. Pushing away from the doorframe, he strode to the human and swiftly hoisted her up and over his shoulder, no mere feat for a drunk Drell with a raging hard-on. In the darkened bedroom, he tossed her onto the king sized bed and began removing her boots and socks. When he reached for her jeans, she helped by lifting her ass off the bed and showing on them and her thong from the top. When they cleared her feet, she reached up and grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him down on top of her, her long legs wrapping around his waist, her tongue invading his mouth to war with his, the only thing between her and completion his clothes.

Shepard wanted. God how she wanted. Rolling them over, her hands still clutching the collar of his jacket, she managed to sit up on her knees, straddling his hips, bringing him into a sitting position with her. "Loose the clothes," she said. If it sounded like a command, maybe it was. She was on a sex high like she'd never known. She wanted to touch him everywhere, lick him everywhere, taste him everywhere. She slipped down his legs and began pulling off his boots, yanking at his pants.

Thane couldn't get out of his clothes fast enough. If they'd been cloth, he'd have torn them off. Leather, on the other hand, really good leather, was tougher and it took several minutes of agitated movements to free himself of his pants and jacket and shirt. It might have gone quicker if she hadn't kept distracting him. She'd crawled around behind him and begun nibbling on the sensitive flesh of his neck, her hands stroking his shoulders, moving around to caress his chest and stomach, those luscious breasts branding his back.

Freed from his restrictive clothes, his cock sprang to full attention, and in no time Thane had her on her back, himself between her legs. Oh yeah, all that glorious hair. He grabbed a handful as his lips returned to hers. The other hand ghosted across nipples puckered and craving attention. He relished each moan and whimper she loosed into his mouth as his hand skimmed down the pale flesh of her stomach to rest at the junction of her thighs. Hot flesh, moist and waiting, he traced her slit with a finger, swirling, nudging, slipping inside, his thumb circling her clit, teasing, preparing…

He needed to take the edge off, his body needed to cum in worst way possible. She was whimpering against his lips, hips thrusting up to meet his fingers, her fingernails digging into the scales of his back. He could tell it would be a tight fit, a really tight fit, but then this wasn't some sweet, sensitive coupling. This was sex, rough, physically intoxicating sex. He anchored one hand on her hip as he slowly slid his sex between her wet nether lips. Primal grunts filled the air as he filled her. When he was buried to the hilt in her heat, he broke away from their kiss to look down into her eyes. She sucked in a breath and held it as he began to withdraw only to ram back into her, his hips picking up speed and force until he was pistoning into her body.

He was aware that he was being rough, but his body needed release. He tried to slow down, tried to temper his thrust to be a little more gentle. Beneath him she arched, her legs coming up to lock behind his back as he slammed into her. Eyes blown wide and glazed with desire, she reached down to grab his ass and pull him harder into her scorching heat. "Harder," she said, it seemed almost like a command. "Fuck me harder." She wanted rough, it seemed. Well, who was he to disagree…

On his knees, with her legs hoisted up onto his shoulders, his arms wrapped around her thighs, hands gripping her tight, his hips drove forward again and again. He knew there would be bruises later, but he didn't care. She hadn't cum yet, but in no time his hot seed was exploding into her tight cunt, wetness leaking from around his cock as he continued to thrust. His toes crooked and his muscles seemed to lock with the pleasure of it all. Head thrown back, eyes closed, his ears buzzed and his mind screamed with the force of his release. Oh Gods, now that he'd taken the edge off, he could concentrate… he forced himself to slow down when all he wanted to do was keep right on fucking her tight little body. But then, they had all night…

"I hope there was more where that came from," he heard her say, her voice conveying more than just a little annoyance, but he could hear the need and want behind it, desperate, almost frantic. Opening his eyes he looked down at a very irate human female. "If not, I don't need a gun to…" Oh, she was pissed. He smiled and looked down at where their bodies were still, smirking.

"Drell men are capable of multiple orgasms. And this 'gun' has multiple shots lined… up… for… you," he said, punctuating the last four words with deep, slow thrust that caused her eyes to widen and her lips to part in a moan, a moan that made him want to jackhammer back into her again and again. Instead he let her legs down and rolled them over until she was on top. "I hope you don't have to be anywhere for the next few hours…"

Shepard had been so close, so close… The way everything sparkled and swayed, the way her senses were heightened, feel, touch, taste… Oh sweet Jesus, his cock felt so good. Better than good. When he'd pushed inside, she'd panicked for a moment, wondering if it would fit! It had been tight, but her body had stretched as each segmented ring slid in, bigger and bigger, until she was full of him, strangely complete.

A natural athletes body, he moved just the right way, thrust at just the right angle, hit just the right spot. She couldn't get enough of him. She sucked on his tongue, sucked on his lips, moaned and sobbed into his mouth, ran her hands over the slick scales of his back, shoulders, and arms. When it had seemed like he would slow his thrust down, she'd reached down and grabbed his ass, wanting him to fuck her harder. Harder, that thought was all she could think… She needed it harder, rougher, out of control. Her legs over his shoulders, strong arms and alien hands gripping her thighs, alien cock pounding away between her legs…

And then she'd felt him explode inside her, felt jets of hot cum erupt within her. It had almost sent her over the edge, a precipice she was hovering on, ready to plunge over into ecstasy. Son of a bitch, where was her gun… hell she didn't need a gun. She needed to cum, so badly…

What? Multiple orgasms? Hours? And then she was on top, his cock still buried deep inside her, his hips bucking up, like little machine gun spurts. He was still hard, even as his cum leaked out of her and down her thighs onto his groin. Thick, creamy, the sound of wet bodies moving against each other filled the room. Beginning to move, she undulated her hips, up, down, forward, backward, around… Faster, faster, seeking just the right angle, that one spot…

One four fingered hand was anchored around her hip, the other moved to find and tease her clit, flicking the little bundle of nerves until nothing in the universe mattered except this man, this moment, his cock touching her inner most being. Her hands squeezing her breasts with force enough to bruise, she came apart, shattering into a million pieces, a scream echoing through the suite until he pulled her down to silence her with his tongue stroking hers.

I hope you don't have to be anywhere for the next few hours, he'd said…

Standing up, from behind, up against the wall of windows… On all fours in the shower as water cascaded over their nude bodies… She tasted herself on his cock, he tasted himself as his tongue sent her over the edge again and again… Time had no meaning. Sometimes they were gentle, slow, almost like lovers, but most of the time it was rough, animalistic, uncivilized. In the bed they slept, awoke, fucked, and slept again. No names, no conversation.

She felt him stir behind her, his cock already hard and ready. She smiled and rolled over, nuzzling the frills of red flesh at his neck. One hand stroked over the corded muscles of his shoulders and arm, the other stroked lower, loving the feel of his hot cock. When she'd tried to slide down to take him into her mouth, God he tasted so good, he gripped her arms and shook his head no, his eyes hooded, unreadable. In no time he was between her thighs and inside her body, thrust sharp, raw almost. This time there was an edge to their… what was it now? Just sex? Had she let herself let it become something more? It wasn't until much later, after they'd both cum multiple times that he got up and entered the shower, alone.

She was numb, just numb. The sex had been mind-blowing, but the emptiness that now set in her chest… Get over it Shepard, you knew going in to this what the outcome would be. It's not like it's some big surprise. He's just a warm body, you're just an easy lay… The Reapers are still out there, you'll be dead again some day… _Fuck…_

Well, that was that. She'd evidently worn out her welcome, she thought to herself as she crawled out of bed and managed to find all her clothes and get dressed. Back in the living room, she found her vest and dug her comm-link out of a pocket. She'd turned it off the night before. She'd turn it back on when she left. Finding a datapad, she quickly left a note and entered the elevator. Hacking the controls, the security system was only set up to recognize the suite's paying guest, she leaned back against the cool glass and closed her eyes as the elevator descended. It wasn't until she had gathered her things from her own room and was on her way back to the Normandy that she remembered her gun.

Thane let the cool water stream down his overheated body. He'd needed a few minutes to himself after that last… What did he call it? Sex? More than sex? How could someone he'd just met, someone he'd only shared a few words with, how could she be more? Almost angry, he switched the water off. He'd take her to breakfast, they'd talk, and then… he shook his head. This was ludicrous. The Gods were surely having a good laugh. He had no business even thinking of 'more'. He was dead. Only his body still walked among the living…

It just didn't make sense. He was at a loss. Perhaps later he would be able to find the answers he sought in meditation. Wrapping a towel around his hips he left the bathroom expecting to find her still in the bed. Empty bed, empty suite… just empty. She'd evidently hacked the elevator controls. He refused to dwell on it, refused to acknowledge the numb feeling in his chest. He gathered his clothes and was hanging the jacket up when he remembered the gun. He searched the pocket and found it.

A "Shepard" special they were called. It thought it fitting that the firebrand of a woman he'd spent the night with carried one. From what he'd heard, Commander Shepard, first human Specter, had been one hell of a woman, single handedly leading a team that saved the Citadel from a rogue Specter and a Geth invasion. Legend had it that she' been killed not long after that when her ship, the Normandy, was attached and blown apart. It was rumored that she'd been spaced saving a fellow crew member. He shuddered at the thought.

In the living room he found a datapad propped up against some flowers sitting on the entryway table.

"It's a mystery to me how the universe works. I needed someone and there you were. Thanks for the memories... thanks for everything."

"p.s. You've ruined me, you know. Mere mortals will never do now. Who can compare to a mysterious Drell sex god?"

Two days later, Thane was standing in line at Citadel Port Authority, his transport to Illium beginning to board. The "Shepard" special was still in his coat pocket. He'd been loath to get rid of it. Why, he didn't know. He just didn't want to. He'd spent the last two days in prayer and meditation, asking forgiveness for his body's sins, forgiveness for his soul's sins, forgiveness for daring to want more that he should.

Lost in thought, he didn't notice the ship at the next docking station back away and prepare for leave Citadel space. It wasn't until it passed his peripheral vision that he paid any attention at all. RMANDY? Who named their ship RMANDY? It made him think of the SSV Normandy and Commander Shepard and the "Shepard" special in his pocket and the woman he'd created the most amazing memories with… He boarded the frigate, no longer content, no longer at peace with himself, no longer so sure he wanted to die…_ God's please forgive him for wanting more than he deserved…_


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks to everyone so far who had read and reviewed my story. With such kind request to continue my story of Shepard and Thane, how could I refuse!

Blessings to everyone who had read and encouraged me to continue.

In a ventilation shaft, directly above Nassana Dantius and her Eclipse mercenary bodyguards, the assassin prayed to Amonkira, the God of Hunters. _Grant that my hands be swift, my aim true… and I should fall in battle, commend me to the great Goddess Kalihira, that she may guide my soul to the sea…_ Perfectly still, perfectly silent, he listened, and waited.

The unknown intruders on their way to the penthouse were definitely not concerned with stealth or avoiding a fight. He knew they were coming. Hell, everyone on Nos Astra probably knew they were coming. Nassana definitely knew they were coming. He, on the other hand, she knew nothing about. Their presence in Dantius Towers had allowed him to move faster, get farther than he'd initially hoped for. They had been the perfect distraction.

Thane listened to the sounds of fighting growing nearer and nearer to the penthouse stronghold. Machine guns, grenades, the smell of smoke and destruction. Whoever it was, they were taking no prisoners. His skin resonated with the faint stirrings of biotics. Would they be friend or foe? Regardless, he had a job to do. He would see it through, to whatever end the Gods saw fit to bless him with.

They were closer now, right outside the door, muffled voices in the hallway. Surrounded by mercenaries, Nassana stood anxiously looking out the wall of windows that formed the back of her office. The large double doors opened and he heard footsteps. Three…one heavy, two light… The scales on the back of his neck quivered and vibrated at their approach… _odd…_

"Shepard? But… you're dead!" Nassana exclaimed, obviously recognizing one of the intruders.

Thane almost groaned. The "Shepard" special he even now carried in his pocket… 'Arizona'… The Citadel… _Long blonde hair fisted in his hands, red, swollen lips engulfing his cock…_ He shook his head. NOT THE TIME FOR MEMORIES! Especially those…

"I got better," he heard a woman's voice respond. Was it 'The Shepard'? The voice was heavily modulated. Obviously wearing a helmet. Centering and willing his mind and body to stay in the moment, he again watched and waited, silent and deadly, waiting for the perfect opportunity…

Shepard was on a battle high and it showed as she sauntered into Nassana's penthouse, Garrus and Mordin at her back. She was tired and more than just a little annoyed at the bitch in front of her. Who ordered their workers killed like that? Nassana needed to die in the worst possible way… And she, Commander Shepard, was just the right answer to that little problem…

"And now you're here to kill me," Nassana bit out, sarcastically. Behind her, every merc and commando had their guns drawn and aimed toward the intruders.

"You really are paranoid, aren't you?" Shepard almost laughed. It came out as a kind of snort. As if the woman was worth this much time and effort.

"Don't patronize me, Shepard," Nassana spat, her movements exaggerated, obviously on edge.

"Charming as ever."

"I'm sure you find this all," she said while turning to look out the window, "very ironic. First you take care of my sister, and now you're here for me." Turning back around, she continued, "Well, you've made it this far. Now what?"

"You really think I'm here to kill you?" Oh, she deserved it alright, but Nassana was kinda like the bait, in this situation. And, just like when fishing, the 'bait' usually died, either by drowning or being eaten by the fish. A smirk played on Shepard's lips. She hadn't been fishing in years…

"Do you have another reason for destroying my tower? Decimating my security?" The woman's voice grew in volume and pitch. She was beginning to lose it, Shepard realized.

"I'm looking for someone." The assassin she'd received a dossier on. Thane Krios, a Drell assassin. Drell…. She wondered where _he_ was… _her Drell_…

"You expect me to believe that? Is it credits? Is that what you want? Just tell me your price. We can make this problem go away."

"Make me an offer," she replied, crossing her arms and leaning back a little. She wondered how far Nassana would go. Obviously she thought money could buy anything.

"Double whatever you're getting," Nassana offered. Somewhere a noise startled the commandos surrounding her.

"And, I'll pay double again if you tell me who hired you." The commandos and mercs were looking around, guns pointed all over the place. "What?"

An asari commando said, "I heard something."

"Damn it. Check the other entrances!" All but three of the bodyguard unit left to secure the other entrances to the penthouse. Turning back to Shepard, Nassana reached for her pistol on the desk and waiving it around, said, "You stay put. When I'm finished dealing with this nuisance, you and I are going to…"

She never got to finish the sentence.

A slim form dropped from the ceiling behind the three mercs. Almost too quick to be real, the assassin grabbed the first man's head and with a rough twist, broke his neck. Before the next man could even react, a sharp jab to the throat crushed his windpipe, suffocating him. Movements flowing with deadly grace and skill, he easily removing the gun from the merc's grip and shot the third bodyguard before quickly spinning back to grasp Nassana's right hand with his left, effectively pushing the gun she was aiming at him away from his body. Pulling her to him, he placed the gun from the merc at her stomach and pulled the trigger.

As Nassana groaned out her last breaths, the Drell assassin gently laid her back on the large desk and folded her hands over her chest. He regarded her for some moments with hooded eyes before bowing his head and folding his own hands in prayer.

Shepard couldn't breath. He'd just dropped down from the ceiling and… and… He was here. _Her Drell_ was here. Screw Nassana and her mercs. They were always going to die anyway. But _her Drell_? He'd just moved like a… a dream… a deadly dream… Oh my God! She'd lost her mind! Think! Think! Get it together, Shepard. You have a job to do. Be professional. You are the Butcher of Torfan. There is no place in your life for this right now. So you fucked him, _several times, several amazing times_... You need him for this mission. She straightened her back and went to that place inside where she was already dead again and existed only to fight the growing evil that threatened consume them all.

Behind her, Garrus was the first to speak. "Impressive. You certainly know how to make an entrance."

Finally able to snap out of the strange haze she was in, Shepard approached the desk, Thane still bowed in prayer on the other side. "I was hoping to talk to you."

"I apologize, but prayers for the wicked must not be forsaken." It was the same dark, throaty, _sexy_ voice she remembered. Thank God she hadn't removed her helmet…

"Do you really think she deserves it?" she finally asked. The dossier had not mentioned anything about him being an overtly religious person. And on the Citadel, they'd never gotten around to talking much…

"Not for her. For me," he replied, finally looking up with those dark eyes that had haunted most of her dreams for the past few weeks. He moved around the table towards her. "The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone. Take you, for instance. All this destruction… chaos. I was curious to see just how far you'd go to find me." He stopped in front of her, hands clasp behind his back. "Well, here I am."

"How did you know I was coming at all?"

"I didn't. Not until you marched in the front door and started shooting." He again moved, walking past Shepard towards where Garrus stood, weapon still ready.

"You used me so you could kill her." A really good tactical move, in her opinion. Something she'd have done in his shoes.

"I needed a diversion. You needed to speak with me." He turned back to look at her. Behind him, Garrus and Mordin finally put their weapons away. "You certainly fulfilled your end of the bargain. What would you like to discuss?"

"Someone's been abducting entire human colonies. We're going to stop them. We already know the culprits - - a race called the Collectors." They were the real reason she was here. Not _him…_

Thane walked past her, over to the windows where he gazed out over Nos Astra. "I've heard of them," he said. He turned around and fixed her with a very direct gaze. "Attacking the Collectors would require passing through the Omega-4 Relay. No ship has ever returned from doing so."

"They told me it was impossible to get to Ilos, too." Supposedly it was also impossible to return from the dead...

"A fair point. You've build a career on performing the impossible," he acknowledged. He returned to looking out the window, silent for several moments. "This was to be my last job… I'm dying. Low survival odds don't concern me. The abduction of your colonist does."

Oh Fuck… oh fuck. This was not good. What the hell did he mean, dying? "I hadn't heard that. Is there anything I can do?" she asked, hoping her voice didn't sound as messed up as her head was quickly becoming.

"Giving me this opportunity is enough. The universe is a dark place. I'm trying to make it brighter before I die." He turned his head to look at her. "Many innocents died today. I wasn't fast enough, and they suffered. I must atone for that. I will work for you Shepard. No Charge." They shook hands to seal the deal. She turned and walked over to her crew.

"Garrus, Mordin, we'll meet you back on the ship. I would like to talk with Mr. Krios for a few minutes."

"Shepared?" Garrus asked quietly as Mordin was already turning to leave. "Those were some hard hits you took back there coming over the walkway. Are you sure you're OK?" That dent in her armor hadn't escaped his attention. Nor did the slightly bruised look under her eyes. The Commander was in pain, and ignoring it. Some things just didn't change.

"I'm fine Garrus. Just a bruised rib or two," or three or maybe broke, or… "I won't be long.

He just shook his head. "Those dents in your armor say more than bruised ribs, Shep. Can't your talk with Krios wait until after you visit Chakwas?" The concern in his eyes was clear. Big brother Garrus always watching her six. She didn't know what she'd do without him.

"I'll only be a few minutes. I'll see the Doc as soon as I get back. I promise." God, he was such a worrier.

Thane watched the two other squad mates leave. The big Turian looked familiar for some reason. He'd seen him somewhere, recently. He wondered just what Commander Shepard wanted to discuss. The Butcher of Torfan was much smaller than he'd pictured her. Of course, he'd never seen a holovid or picture of the Commander, but still, by reputation alone, she should be at least seven feet tall and as wide as a Krogan.

He really had expected this to be his last job, had fully expected to go out in a blaze of glory, if you will, ridding the universe of Nassana. He'd studied her, her guard force, knew they were a formidable, highly trained team. Of course, now it would seem that the Gods had other plans for him. He was drawn back to what _she'd_ written on that damn datapad… "It's a mystery to me how the universe works…"

He was startled out of his musings when she came to stand beside him at the wall of windows. The scales on the back of his neck began to vibrate and shift again, just like when she'd entered the room. Now that he'd come down from the high of the kill, he could sense it, the overwhelming feeling that something was approaching, something big, something life altering. It was very much like when he was a child on Kadje, and he'd feel the big storms that rolled in from the ocean long before any clouds were visible in the sky. All along the storm front, the electricity in the air, the change in pressure, the smell of ozone … He'd stand outside under the big sky, looking up at the vastness of the heavens as the winds blew, the clouds rolled in, and the rain began to fall. The old Gods were there, in those storms.

She walked over to the window where he was standing and just looked out over the city for a while, arms crossed over her chest. "So… Thane Krios…," she began, finally reaching up to take her helmet off and turning her head to face him. "Fancy meeting you here…" The old Gods laugher roared in his head…


	5. Chapter 5

Thane could do nothing but stare. The woman who'd haunted his every moment for the past several weeks, the perfect memory of their time together all too clear in his mind, was now standing beside him. He wanted to touch her; to be sure she was real. He could remember every touch, every taste, every sound… every breathy moan…

"Look, I know I kind of tricked you into accepting this job. I'll understand if you want to back out, but I'm hoping you won't. I could really use someone with your skills on my team."

He returned his gaze to the sun rising over the cityscape of Nos Astra. Why now? Why, after so long alone and asleep, did the Gods see fit to send another warrior woman into his life? He didn't need this, not now, not when he'd finally accepted his fate, found peace in his approaching death. But, she offered a chance at redemption, a way to atone for his sins before returning to the sea, a way to, perhaps in some way, make up for all the wrongs he committed in his life.

"Just tell me you did not know who I was on the Citadel, that our," the next words were bitter on his tongue, "'one night stand' wasn't connected to being here, now."

"And you seriously didn't know I was Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel, aka The Butcher of Torfan? Hell, I thought the entire galaxy knew this face."

"I… I have closed myself off from the world for many years now. I had heard of Commander Shepard, but the events of the past years were as shadows. I ate, I slept, I killed."

"Sounds like you preferred a life of solitude."

"An assassin's life is, by necessity, a solitary one." A lesson he'd learned the hard way. "But what of you, Shepard? By necessity, you have lead teams, commanded armies, saved worlds. Yet, there were rumors of your disappearance, your death, an absence of more than two years. And then you just happened to show up at the Citadel, a new mission, recruiting a new team."

"Those two years weren't by choice," she replied quietly, returning her gaze to the ever brightening Nos Astra skyline. "I didn't know who you were. I didn't receive your dossier until more than a week after we… met. My team was there blowing off steam, and I was… getting drunk and looking for a distraction. That's what made you the perfect man. I had no intention of ever seeing you again. You were not in the master plan."

"No… just as you were not in mine."

The throbbing in her side was growing by the second. The stims she'd used on the way into the Penthouse were wearing off, quickly. Thane would either join the mission or not. And that was all she could let herself think of – the mission. That was all that mattered. Those strange feelings she'd had to deal with for the past few weeks, remembered time together, eyes that crept into her dreams, kisses that still lived on her lips… _Cram it way down inside and pretend it doesn't exist. One way ticket to hell, remember?_ She pushed away from the window and headed to the exit. Turning around she quietly said, "Like I said Mr. Krios, I could really use you on my team. But the choice is up to you."

"Shit Garrus! That's me under there. Do you think you can.. SHIT! OW, Shit, SHIT!"

She was sitting in the med bay at the end of an examination table, still in her armor. She hadn't been able to get the upper body piece off unassisted, but when Dr. Chakwas mentioned cutting it off, she'd immediately called for Garrus. He'd understand the need to get it off without further damaging it. And, he was the only one of the crew she trusted, implicitly.

Best friend, big brother… family. They'd been through so much together. He'd been her go-to-guy throughout the hunt for Saren and the Geth, even though she'd actively pursued Kaiden. She'd thought she was in love, no she had been in love, truly head-over-heals, crazy in love. Most definitely crazy….

After, when she'd returned wearing a Cerberus uniform, he's listened to her reasons for working with them, and more importantly, he'd understood. He, too, knew the Reapers were coming.

He'd been there when Kaiden shit all over her at Horizon. Too numb to speak or defend herself, it had been Garrus that jumped down Kaiden's throat, threatening to rip his head off and shit in his skull. She smiled faintly at that memory…

"Hold still, Sheppard," the big Turian growled as he worked on removing the damaged armor. "If you hadn't done your best impression of a target on a firing range, I wouldn't be here now doing my best impression of a can opener." He'd already managed to get everything else off but the damaged chest piece. "I still don't understand why you won't take anything for the pain."

"We've been over this before Garrus. Pain means I'm alive…"

"Yea, yea, yea. But you could be alive and feel better while doing it, Shep. Just saying." He was finally able to unlatch the front and back pieces, causing them to move and dig deeper into her side.

"Damn Doc, can't I just live in my armor until…"

"Hold still Commander and let Garrus finish getting that chest piece off. I can not do anything until then," Dr. Chakwas said from the supply cabinet she was digging through.

She sucked in a breath only to wish she hadn't when Garrus continued working at getting the chest piece off without digging further into her ribs. "I'm trying to be as careful as I can, Commander."

"I know… I just hurts, a fucking lot."

"So, what did you need to talk to Krios about?" he asked, finally managing to wiggle the two pieces a little. The front and back had been hit at the seam, bending them inward, probably breaking a few ribs in the process from the looks of it. He was being as careful as he could, gently wiggling them apart. The Commander was adamant about causing no further damage. She loved her armor, that was for sure… He hated the sharp intake of air, hated the white knuckles clenching the med bay's examination table pad, hated that he was the one causing her pain now. Of course if she'd just take the damn pain shot…

"That whole "I'm dying" thing was kinda weird. I just wanted to make sure he would be up to the job," she lied.

"OK, hold still Shep. I think," he said, obvious relief in his voice, "I've almost got this thing apart. Can you give me a hand Dr.?"

Together, they were able to remove the damaged armor and she immediately slumped forward, the rigid support no longer there to help keep her upright. Oh fuck, that hurt! Stars began to dance in front of her eyes and the room decided to tilt as a crazy angle. Garrus dropped his piece and caught her before she tumbled off the table. Well, at least she didn't need any pain meds now. Passing out worked just as well, he reasoned, helping the doctor lay her back on the examination table.

Several hours later, she managed to drag herself back into consciousness and said she was going to her quarters. Doctor Chakwas hadn't wanted to let her go, said she needed at least 24 hours of observation. Thanks to the Cerberus upgrades she healed much faster, but sound medical practices dictated a minimum observation period after an injury like that. Yadda, yadda, yadda…

"Thanks Doc, but I'll rest better in my own bed," she'd finally said, easing off the bed and standing unsteadily next to it. Shit, her lips felt a little numb… Damn it was cold, too. Why was it so cold? And since when had the room turned into a 'Tilt-A-Whirl' ride? "God damn it Doc, who authorized the happy shot?"

"I gave you a sedative Commander. There was no way I could set your ribs without sedating you. As to who authorized it? Who do you think?" It always amused her that the big Turian was so protective of the Commander. More there than met the eye, she was sure of that.

"Well hell. Since when does Garrus run this ship?" Defiant to the end, she began shuffling across the floor, moving from one bed to the other on her way to the door.

"Fine, but don't move until I get someone to escort you up Commander," Chakwas finally relented, knowing that once the Commander made up her mind about something, nothing would stop her. Going to a cabinet she pulled out a medical examination gown, gently helping Sheppard into the thin wrap. "Can't have you running around the ship in nothing but your underwear," she explained at the questioning look the Commander gave her. Glancing down she winced at her current attire… Oh, yeah… Garrus had helped her out of her armor, the armor she'd been wearing when they went looking for the assassin… the Drell… which had turned out to be _her Drell… Thane Krios…_

They both looked up as the medical bay doors swished open.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for all your kind reviews. This is a little blurb about my Thane's background.

He watched her push away from the window and walk away. Almost at the door, she turned around and said in a small, tired voice, "Like I said Mr. Krios, I could really use you on my team. But the choice is up to you."

_The choice is up to you…_ As if… shaking his head he headed for the door.

A suicide mission, protecting the galaxy, going through the Omega-4 Relay, atoning for a life of sin…

Thane didn't have much to take care of before joining Shepard on the Normandy. Before taking the hit on Nassana, he'd finalized his will and made arrangements for his estate to be passed to his son. He really hadn't expected to make it out of Dantius Towers alive.

He'd spent the previous day fasting and meditating, preparing his body and soul. His hotel suite had been cleaned and a sealed note left at the front desk for his solicitor if he failed to make contact within forty-eight yours. It would seem that everything was in order.

At the hotel he packed up and checked out. In the taxi to the space port, he replayed the last few hours, days, weeks, trying to pinpoint exactly where he'd lost control of his own life. Was it _"You should buy me another drink," or "So…Thane Krios… Fancy meeting you here"_?

If he were really honest with himself, it was the first. He'd been in freefall since first being diagnosed with Kepral's Syndrome. Since that day he'd been forced to look at his life, what he'd done, the choices he made. Through meditation and prayer, he'd managed to find a kind of peace with himself, resigned that there were just some things he couldn't fix.

There was nothing he could do to make up for what had happened with his wife and son. Irika was dead, and he'd left Kolyat in the care of her family. After tracking down his wife's killers, he'd thought to perhaps return for his son and begin a new life. But then the doubts would surface and he'd picture his son's lifeless body, his enemies striking at him through his son… In the end he'd decided that it would be better for everyone if he just stayed away, disappeared from their lives.

And so he had. Thane Krios, professional assassin, highest paid hit man in the galaxy, more money than he would ever know what to do with… He'd killed for anyone that could afford his price. For many years he lived in a shadow world, secluding himself from everyone, everything. With a vast network of contacts, he'd established secure, untraceable residences on many worlds throughout the galaxy. Investments had assured that he'd never have to work again, except he knew no other life, no other existence. With his wife dead, and his son lost to him, he'd simply existed from day to day, year to year, kill to kill.

And then the coughing had begun. All Drell knew of Kepral's Syndrome, and he'd ignorantly believed that the years away from Kahje had somehow lessened his chances of getting the disease. The specialist he'd seen on the Citadel had confirmed his worst fears, though. He was dying. It would take time, it would not happen overnight, but none the less, he was dying. His body would fail and he would return to the sea.

What had he done with his life? The answer had been bitter in his mouth – nothing. But to be fair, he hadn't had much choice in becoming an assassin to the Hanar. It had been considered a great privilege by his parents for him to be chosen. Still, the choices he'd made over the years, decisions he'd made that had affected his wife, his son… they had been his alone, ultimately leading to the destruction of his family. He meditated, he prayed, and still his past haunted him.

Freefall… seriously, fucking, freefalling… Nothing to grab on to to stop the fall, no one to anchor him to a world he'd turned his back on so long ago. But maybe he could make up for a life of sin, a life so flawed by transgressions. Maybe there was some way to atone, or at least a way to make some kind of peace with himself before the sea called.

After six months of meds and treatment, he'd returned to the Citadel, to see the specialist, but also to meet with a potential client who never showed up. He'd sat in that damned bar all evening, thinking and drinking, drinking and thinking. The memories were too much. He'd just wanted them to stop, if only for a few minutes. Krogan Ryncol had been the answer. He'd been half way through his third drink when she'd sauntered over and said with all the moxie in the galaxy, "You should buy me another drink."

He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but something had clicked with her. She wasn't even a Drell, and he'd never considered himself attracted to humans. But there had been something… For the first time in too long, his body and soul had felt almost whole, as if she was a part of himself he hadn't even known was missing. When he'd emerged from that bathroom to find her gone, he'd wanted to find her, had wanted to, he didn't know, maybe just talk, get to know more about her than what made her moan into his mouth as he took her over the edge.

But he hadn't, he hadn't… He'd returned to his life, meditating , praying, asking forgiveness for his sins, forgiveness for wanting more than he deserved, forgiveness for wanting her…

She was his punishment. The Gods had shown him a taste of what he could never have.

But now – a chance to help save the galaxy, a chance to make up for all the wrongs he'd committed, a chance to atone for his sins, and maybe a chance to find peace before the end…

She was his salvation.

On the Normandy he'd been met by Mr. Taylor, a Cerberus crew member who had shown him to the briefing room where another member of the crew, Ms. Lawson, welcomed him. He had requested accommodations where the air was dryer, and the ship's AI, EDI, had directed him to Life Support, saying the air in that part of the ship tended to be more arid. Operative Lawson had apologized that the Commander had been unable to welcome him, but she was currently busy and would see him later.

His room was spacious, though sparsely furnished. It had taken no time at all to unpack, the few clothes and personal items he brought easily stored in a cabinet beside his small bed. His weapons were unpacked, cleaned, and placed in another cabinet. They were his most prized possessions, which was kinda sad, now that he really thought about it.

As a rule, all new crew members were to report to the medical bay for a routine physical within 24 hours of boarding the ship. After some time spent meditating, and a short nap, Thane requested directions to the ships infirmary from the AI. He might as well get it over with. Five minutes later he was strolling into the medical bay.


	7. Chapter 7

She might have been woozy, she might have been dressed in only her standard issue white, cotton underwear and a big, white, stiff Velcro wrap around her ribs, but she was going to her quarters, one way or another. She was Commander Shepard and… Ooo, swimmy head, swimmy head!

She was smart enough to know that she'd have to take it easy for a few days. She couldn't very well fight the Collectors if she didn't take care of herself. But a few broke ribs were nothing, especially compared to what she'd already been through. And besides, sometimes those Cerberus upgrades were good for something, like greatly accelerated healing times.

She sucked in as deep a breath as her wrapped ribs would allow, and tried to clear her head. The fog was lifting, just a little. Beneath her bare feet, the floor was cool, helping lift the hazy that swirled around her head. Doctor Chakwas had returned to assist her into a light examination gown when the sound of the med bay door opening caused them both to look up.

Thane entered the room, his mind elsewhere. He wondered if Shepard was avoiding him, as she hadn't been to see him yet. In the back of the room, a woman, Dr. Chakwas he assumed, was assisting a patient. It took him a moment to recognize the small, pale, human as Shepard.

"If you wouldn't mind waiting outside, I'll be right with you as soon as I'm done here," Dr. Chakwas said, turning back to her task.

"That's alright, Doctor Chakwas," Shepard interrupted, straightening, willing her head to clear. "I'm fine, really." Pulling the thin material close to her body, she shot the doctor a look that brooked no resistance. "Dr. Chakwas, this is our newest team member, Thane Krios. Mr. Krios, this is our ship's Chief of Medicine, Dr. Chakwas."

After the somewhat awkward introductions were concluded, she managed to say in a tired voice, "Mr. Krios, please make yourself at home on the ship. I will try to meet with you in the morning regarding the mission and answer any questions you may have…" He was staring at her feet. Why was he staring at her feet? She glanced down and… oh. Well hell. He'd been fascinated with her toes, each toenail painted a different color. She could remember the feel as he sucked them into his mouth, the feel of his tongue sliding up over a sensitive ankle, nibbles on the back of a calf… She sucked in a sharp breath and raised her eyes to his.

So, she knew. He let a small smirk play on his lips, even as he was alarmed to see her here, obviously a patient. The look on her face was priceless, though. Surprise, followed closely by remembered desire, quickly turning into a bit of indignant anger…

Shepard watched the grin play on his lips. She'd just been played by a true artist. "Doctor, inform me when Mr. Krios's exam is finished. I will be in my quarters." Under her own steam, she exited the room and made her way slowly to the elevator and up to her quarters.

"Commander," Dr. Chakwas's voice floated through the Commander's quarters on the ship's intercom about an hour later. "I have finished Mr. Krios's examination. He is fit for duty with no medical restrictions at this time."

"Thanks, Doc," she replied from the couch where she'd been reclining against a big overstuffed pillow, watching an old fashion horror vid from the early 21st century.

"How are you feeling, Commander? I have some pain medicines if you find yourself unable to rest."

"No thanks. I actually don't feel too awful. I managed a shower and now I feel almost alive again." It had hurt, so she'd done the bare minimum to get the sweat and grime off her body and out of her hair. It wasn't easy to wash your hair with one hand. Especially long hair. And forget drying it. It was now a huge cloud around her shoulders. Damn frizzy hair…

"Did you get the wrap wet? I have others I can bring up if you need one."

"No. I took it off. Not the first ribs I've broken Doc. Remember Feros? Anyway, I managed. But thanks, just the same."

"Will there be anything else, Commander?"

"No thanks, Doc. See you in the morning."

"Commander."

Whatever had been in that 'happy shot' hours earlier hadn't been enough. She glanced at the bottle of JD on the table beside her and decided that just one more shot wouldn't hurt. It seemed that more and more she needed something, anything to shut up her mind. Just a little something to take the edge off. Just a little something to deaden the pain. Not her ribs, that was a physical pain. That she could handle. No, this was a pain she couldn't quite name. It hurt to remember, hurt to think about dreams past and a future that held no promises… What if every time she died, they just kept bringing her back? An endless future of death and destruction, no life beyond the barrel of a gun. Just some stupid human cosmic tool…

Stupid. Abso-fucking-lutely stupid. Idiot to think that what she'd shared with Kaiden had meant anything. At least with Thane they'd both known the score. A one night stand, nothing more. _You keep telling yourself that enough and maybe you'll believe it_… SHUT UP! She screamed inside her own head.

She reached for her glass and knocked back another shot. If her mind would just shut the fuck up, if a certain dark eyed sex god would stay out of her dreams. _Damn, to have him so close and… _ _You can't think of him that way. Look at what happened last time. The mission is why you're here. Most likely a one way ticker, remember? _ She really did have to see him in the morning and get things set straight between them.

"Commander," EDI interrupted her darkening thoughts," Thane Krios request entry to your quarters."

M…E…2

Thane left the med bay, and after getting a cup of tea in the galley, returned to his room. The medical doctor had told him nothing he did not already know. Lung capacity decreased, but stable for the time, no known cure but possibly eligible for organ transplant if he chose to, exercise and breathing techniques, stay away from humid places… he knew them all and then some. He'd informed her of the medicines he'd been on, and that the Citadel specialist had said that, for now, he no longer needed them, the disease in a kind of remission.

The mission, he needed to know more about what they were doing. That was the only reason he was here. NOT HER! He needed to make a difference, needed to… Shit. Shepard, what was it about seeing her there so small and pale, and those toes…? Damn. He would not let his body, it's needs, wreck his one chance at making the universe a little brighter before his end.

He had his memories, perfect memories of their time together… It would have to be enough… He didn't deserve more.

Her reluctance to acknowledge that night had been evident from the moment they talked alone in Dantius Towers. It was what it was – a one night stand between two drunks. Nothing more… nothing less. Nothing at all really… She needed to know it would not be an issue. He needed to know exactly was expected of him…

_He wasn't going up there to check on her… No, he wasn't…_


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to everyone who has asked for more Thane and Shepard. This is the 5th reiteration of this chapter (the other 4 are pouting somewhere on my hard drive). My muse kept being a spaz and going off on tangents. Anyway, after a computer virus that screwed with me for several days, I've finally managed to get chapter 8 to a point that I'm not too disgusted with it. Again thank you for reading my story and please leave a review if you like it.

M…E…2

"Who?" Becca asked EDI, her eyes going wide. Surely she'd heard wrong.

"Thane Krios is requesting permission to enter," the artificial intelligence program repeated.

Well hell… might as well go ahead and get this over with. The sooner she cleared the air between them, the sooner she could regain some control over her life, and the sooner they could get on with the mission. As a member of the crew now, he deserved a commander that was at her best, both physically and mentally. The mission might be considered a suicide run, but that didn't mean she's already planned their funerals. If there was any chance at all to make it back alive, she'd take it, she owed them that at least.

She wasn't exactly dressed to receive visitors, especially a strange man she'd had hot monkey sex with that still caused her pulse to speed up, her blood to heat, her thighs to get all tingly, and her inner muscles to clench up and throb at just the memory…. fuck…

Grey sweats and a t-shirt three times too big – not exactly a professional appearance. But then, she had just blown her way through Dantius Towers the night before, and there were the two broken ribs where she'd managed to get in the way of a rocket while her shields were too low.

At least she was feeling better, maybe slightly drunk, but definitely better. She might still hate Cerberus on principle alone, but the cybernetic upgrades did make healing faster and less painful.

"Let him in, EDI," she finally replied, settling back against her pillow, drink in hand.

She heard the quite hiss of the door sliding open. "I'm down here," she called out.

The Commander's quarters were sparse - nice, but sparse. He'd been trained to read a room upon entering, to quickly observe everything, gathering as much information as possible in those first few moments. In his work as an assassin, there were many times he'd shadowed his quarry, learning their routines, picking the best time to fulfill the contract. He'd been in their office, home, favorite restaurant, … He'd learned to read a lot about a person from their personal space.

He walked past an empty fish tank, a too neat desk, several model ships seeming to hover above her private terminal. There were no papers or datapads visible. To the right of her desk, on the wall, a small set of shelves, a single medal displayed. He almost missed the picture frame turned face down, pushed way to the back of the desk. Interesting…

Down two steps into the sunken sitting area and bedroom. Soft lights, overstuffed L-shaped couch on the right, straight ahead, a large bed, still made and neat, a large video screen playing an old earth horror vid… Too tidy, too organized… Like she didn't want to personalizing the space…

There wasn't much of Commander Shepard here except her scent. It hit him as soon as he entered the confined space, her unique fragrance perfectly remembered and revisited more times than he could count over the past several weeks. The smell of a desert in bloom after a rain, clean, fresh, a new beginning…

"I'd offer you a drink, but given our history with alcohol, that may not be such a good idea," she quipped. Damn, where the hell had that come from? That had not been what she'd intended to say.

She was reclining on the couch, drink in hand, a halo of gold falling off her shoulders, down her arms. He'd never been with a human, until her. Never knew such softness and strength could exist in one being. Never understood what hair was. Gods he remembered how soft hers had been, how it had slid through his fingers, how it smelled of sunshine and sin and sex… NO! He would not let his body rule his mind. He'd meditated, prayed, his soul was content… he would not -

"And if I wanted a drink?" Who said that? Someone had taken over his body, especially his mouth.

"Glass and ice in the mini cooler. Help yourself." She pointed at the bottle of JD on the table.

Getting up and heading to the mini cooler in the wall, he didn't look at her as he put ice in his glass. This probably wasn't the smartest thing he'd ever done. Returning to the couch he leaned up and poured himself a stiff one. He'd let her take the lead, let her begin their conversation.

She had so many questions rolling around in her head, not the least being what he meant when he said he was dying. But that was personal. She wanted to keep this strictly professional, needed to keep it focused on the mission. Just sitting here with him so close was insane. They should be having this meeting downstairs in the Mission Center. Up here, alone, alcohol… probably not a good idea.

Of course it had been just a one-night-stand… Nothing important or earth shattering. _Keep lying to yourself…_ Damn, her glass was empty. Time for a refill…

"I'm sure you have questions about the mission, about exactly what's going on and where we're going," she started, turning a little on her side to look at him easier.

"You mentioned the Collectors and the Omega-4 Relay."

"Freedom's Progress and Horizon were the two most recent abductions. The Collectors are taking humans, entire colonies, every man, woman, and child. There are no signs of struggle or fighting. We found out they were using swarms of seekers, technological devices that look like large insects and seek organic targets. They sting them and leave them in a paralytic stasis-like state, still awake and aware, just unable to move. The Collectors then come in and gather everyone for transportation. No fuss, no muss."

"So they're taking live prisoners. Slaves perhaps?"

"We don't think so. So far we figured they've taken close to thirty or forty thousand humans. Too many for any known slave market." Shepard sipped her whiskey and continued, "We have a Salarian scientist on board, Professor Mordin, who is looking for ways to disable the seekers, or at least camouflage us from them. We're also still looking for a way through the Omega-4. We know that the Collectors are returning through it after each colony is abducted."

"Any idea where the relay leads?"

"Not yet."

"Tell me what part I'm to play in this mission. Cerberus is known for its pro-human agenda. I'm surprised they're willing to work so closely with aliens. I have seen several other species on board." Another sip of whiskey burned its way down his throat.

Over the next half hour or so, she explained the mission parameters. She was putting together a team of the best minds and talents the galaxy had to offer, regardless of species. Human, Turian, Krogan, Drell, Asari, Quarian, all working together to stop the threat. They were going to find a way through the Omega-4 Relay and attempt to take out the Collectors home base. The mission was beyond dangerous and the odds of survival were slim. Everyone on board had committed to the mission. They knew the risks and accepted that they might not be returning.

There were still some experts she needed to recruit. He would be accompanying her on their next mission, to recruit an Asari Justicar their intel indicated was currently here on Illium, somewhere in Nos Astra.

Finishing her second drink since he'd arrived, she said, "I know it's a lot to absorb, so take some time to think about everything I've told you. Get some rest and we'll talk again tomorrow. Which quarters were you assigned to?" She needed to dismiss him, get him out of her quarters before she did something stupid. _Like invite him to stay for a while?_ OH SHUT UP!

"Your ship's AI suggested that Life Support would be suitable."

"Good. Let me or one of the crew know if there's anything else you need or want."

"Thank you Commander. I need to think about everything you have said." He'd come here to make sure they understood one another. To make sure she understood there would be no repeat of their first encounter. Should he just get it over with and clear the air between them? She obviously wasn't going to mention it. She surely had more important things to think about, like saving the galaxy and all its inhabitants…

He sat his drink on the table and stood. The Commander stood also, slowly and with a hand pressing against her side. Straightening, she walked around the coffee table to escort him to the door. Leaning back against the wall for support she took a deep breath and made a decision.

"Mr. Krios… Thane," she said, hoping he didn't hear the nervousness in her voice, the crazy, scared woman behind the legend that was Commander Shepard. "I… I just wanted you to know that… The Citadel… that wasn't me. I mean it was me, and I think you know I enjoyed our time together, I mean really enjoyed it… but I can't… I have to…" Oh hell, she didn't know what she was saying. She wanted him, she couldn't have him, she needed to push him away… _You're assuming he's even interested. It was just a one time good night. He might not even be interested. You're such an idiot!_

"Have to what, Commander?" he asked, turning to stand directly in front of her.

So close, she breathed in the scent of leather and sandalwood, of exotic spice and erotic male, warm, intoxicating, addicting… Leather jacket open, exposing a broad chest she'd licked every inch of, her tongue tracing each stripe, each scale. She inhaled sharply, remembered sensations threatening to overwhelm her. Her eyes met his and neither one could look away…

In some small part of his brain, he knew he shouldn't do this, shouldn't stand so close to her, shouldn't let his body control his actions, shouldn't _want…_ He had made peace with himself, damn it. His body was failing, he should just walk away and forget her… _as if that would ever be possible…_ A hand rose to run through the silk falling over her shoulder, threads of gold sliding between his fingers… Sliding up to cup the back of her neck, head bending down, lips hovering, a breath away…

Her hands clutched at his jacked, pulling him closer, his were fisted in her hair as his mouth lowered to hers. He tasted of dreams, the dreams that invaded her soul, the dreams that woke her in the dark of night trembling with want and longing…. His tongue invaded her mouth, she sucked his bottom lip, teeth nipping, tongue soothing, the taste of sooth Tennessee whiskey flowing between them. How long they stood there drowning in each other she had no idea. How long the ship's intercom system pinged in the background she couldn't be sure. At some point he pulled away, turning his face into her hair, his breaths hard, body trembling.

"Commander Shepard, Commander Shepard! Are you there?" Dr. Chakwas's concerned voice finally broke through the fog that had settled around her brain. Opening her eyes, she watched as the room swam, colors blurring together, the universe turning upside down.

"I'm here Doc," she replied, sounding breathless. Thane's warm breath ghosted over his neck and shoulder. She shivered and buried closer to him.

"Are you alright, Commander?"

_I haven't felt this good in weeks,_ she wanted to say. Instead she replied, "I'm fine Doc. What do you need?"

"I was just checking on you before turning in. I have more pain meds if you need anything to help you sleep. I could drop them by."

"No thanks, Doc. I know where to go if I need anything later."

"If you're sure… I'll see you in the morning, Commander."

"Good night, Dr. Chakwas."

Thank the Gods for the interruption or he'd have done something completely out of character, something utterly stupid like carry her to that too neat bed and bury himself in her warmth… He hands left the softness of her neck, the warmth of her skin. Somewhere he found the strength to pull away, no easy task with her hands gripping the front of his jacket. In her eyes he saw confusion and uncertainty, desire and want. He needed to get away before he fell.

"Rest well, Commander. May we talk more tomorrow, when you are rested and I have had time to meditate and think on the things that have happened today." Stepping away he exited her quarters and strode quickly to the elevator, disappearing from her sight.

Slowly she made her way back down the stairs and to her bed. Slowly the room quit moving, the colors returned to normal, and the universe righted itself. Holy shit. That's it. No more alcohol for her. That had to be what had just caused her to attach herself to his face like some leach. Yes, alcohol. That's what had caused her to act so uncharacteristically… so unShepard like. In the morning she was getting rid of all her booze… Yes, in the morning... It wasn't long before sleep claimed her and she fell into dark eyes and a hard body that took her to heaven.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for all the kind reviews. I absolutely adore Garrus. He's always either my Shepard's BFF or main squeeze. In this story he's her bestest friend ever. She tells him everything…

"Hey Garrus, thanks for getting my armor fixed and all, but you were a dick for letting Chakwas slip me that little happy shot," she said from her usual perch on a crate in the Forward Battery. Legs drawn up with her arms wrapped them, cheek resting on her knees, she regarded her best friend as he continued running calibration algorithms on the Normandy's main guns.

"You're welcome, and you're welcome," the big turian said, turning to give her his equivalent of a human grin. "Admit it Commander. Mr. Happy Shot helped you rest and feel better."

"That's the whole problem. I didn't feel anything. I hate being out like that."

"It couldn't be any worse than that rot gut crap you down every night just to sleep."

"Stay out of my liquor cabinet and my bedroom. But seriously, what if something had happened while I was out?" So she was a control freak. She only had the fate of the entire galaxy to think about and save.

"I would have dealt with it just as soon as I locked Miranda in a closet somewhere."

"Funny. But really, unless I'm dying or dead or… worse…"

Walking over to the small woman camped on his crate, he hoisted himself up and sat beside her. "Look, you were in pain and being pork headed about it. I couldn't fix you, but I could let Chakwas block the pain for a while."

"It's pig headed Garrus."

"Huh?"

"Pig headed, not pork headed."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No. Pork comes from pigs."

"Whatevvaaa…" he replied, waving one talon in front of her face.

"Shit Garrus. No more Beyonce or Destiny's Child or any of that old earth pop crap for you." Reaching up quickly she tried to grab his head's up display. "I'm gonna delete all that crap you listen to and put some real music on this thing."

Garrus moved his head back just in time to get a face full of alien fingers. "Kelly turned me on to this stuff. I really like C & C Music Factory's Everybody Dance Now when I'm killing mercs."

"Oh good grief. You're ruined now. And stay away from Kelly. She's too… too preppy." Kelly was a very nice person, but she tended to want to get inside your head and talk about feelings. Maybe she should let the yeoman see the circus that lived inside her head. She'd be running for the nearest airlock…

"And you're too… not preppy. But I like you anyhow. And Kelly's really funny. She brings me this turian tea…"

"Oh my God Garrus, are you and Kelly blowing off steam together?"

"WHAT? By the spirits, NO!" he protested loudly, and a little too quickly to be convincing. She could tell he was flustered, the paler skin of his neck turning a dark blue. "Kelly and I like the same music and we have fun talking. That's all."

"Damn, I'm just joking Garrus. Since when did you get so defensive about a little sex? I thought that's what turians did? You know, blow off steam to relieve stress?"

"We do. With other turians, Shepard."

"Huh… I never took you for a xenophobe, Garrus. Learn something new everyday."

"I'm not a xenophobe, Shepard. I just… Look, I just really like Kelly, as an individual, a person. I don't want to complicate anything. We just enjoy each other's company. End of story."

"Ok. Don't tell me. But if you ever need to talk, need some advice…"

"Like you talked to me about Alenko? And don't give me any crap. I know you were crazy in love with him."

"He's the first person I thought of when Cerberus woke me up. I know it had been two years, but to me, it was no time at all…"

"I really wish you'd let me hit him on Horizon. I really wish you'd hit him. Or yelled at him, or told him to get lost, or… something. You don't still have feelings for him, do you?"

"I thought I did. I mean, he hurt me so much, all those things he said. I really thought we had something, that I mattered to him. I guess I didn't rank as high as that Alliance uniform."

"And now? Do you still have feelings for him?"

"No. I can truthfully say that I haven't really thought of him lately… Nope, haven't thought of him since we were at the Citadel." She fidgeted with a thread at the cuff of her sweats.

"Oh? And what happened at the Citadel that took your mind off of him?"

"I ah… I kinda blew off steam with someone."

"Shepard. You walk around with the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders. The man you thought loved you ripped into you and called you traitor, basically washed his hands of you. And you keep on going, giving everything you have to keep us safe, to protect a galaxy that doesn't even appreciate it. The council thinks you've lost your mind and won't support you. Yet you keep on doing it. Protecting their sorry asses."

"It's not the council I'm protecting. It's all races in the galaxy. You know as well as I that the Reapers won't stop with humans. They'll wipe everyone out. Turians, Asari, Salarians, Elcor, Hannar, Vollus, Drell…"

"I'm just saying that if anyone deserves to blow off a little steam, it's you Commander."

"Thanks Garrus. But um… Look, you know you're the only soul on this damn ship I can talk to about this, right?"

"I'm sensing there's a problem here…"

"Not really a problem… Just maybe a complication. You remember that night at the Dark Star Lounge? The crew was getting really drunk and I sat there drinking my JD and coke."

"Yeah. That was a wild night. When you strode into that swanky, up class bar wearing that old Beefboy outfit, complete with hat and boots, I almost spit out my drink."

"Cowboy Garrus. Cowboy."

"Whatevvaaaa," he laughed, again waving a finger in front of her face.

"I'm gonna break that finger if you don't stop doing that."

"You holed up in the corner and wouldn't even dance with me. And you have to admit, I have some very stylish moves on the dance floor. You were sitting by that table full of asari."

"Yeah. I started with JD and coke and then someone bought me a Krogan Ryncol and after that things got a little crazy."

"I remember a drell sitting at the next table drinking something green… By the Spirits! That's where I remember him from! He, the assassin, Krios. He was the drell at the bar… You blew off steam with..!" Braving razor sharp teeth, she clamped her hand over his mouth before he could inform the entire crew.

"A little louder and maybe the crew down in engineering can hear you," she hissed. "And yes, it was Thane, but I didn't know at the time."

"Leave it to you to blow off steam with the one drell assassin in the entire galaxy that we need for this mission. Does he remember you?" he asked, then held up a three fingered claw. "Strike that. How could he not remember you? You're Commander Shepard, Savior of the Citadel."

"We really never got around to exchanging names. It was just supposed to be an anonymous good time."

"I can't believe he's never seen a picture or holovid of you. You're one of the most famous faces in the galaxy."

"He said he'd closed himself off from the world, something about the events of the past being as shadows."

"So, up in the tower, that's why you told Mordin and me to go on back to the ship."

"Well yeah," she sighed sarcastically. "After you left I popped my helmet and told him that if he felt I had tricked him into coming with us I would understand. That I didn't hold him to any oath or anything."

"And yet he's here. Interesting… Have you spoken to him since you got out of the Medbay?"

"He stopped by my quarters last night, wanted to know about the mission and what his part would be."

"A reasonable enough request, although I think he could have waited until this morning to talk to you."

"No, it was ok. I had wanted to talk to him, to clear up any misunderstandings that might have arose concerning our unusual circumstances. You know, wanted to clear the air so that I could get on with what I have to do."

"How'd it go?"

"Pretty good, actually. I told him about the mission, all about the Collectors and the Omega-4 Relay, about how Mordin's working on something to block us from the seeker swarms. Everything."

"He didn't bring up the Citadel?"

"No. Not once. Just wanted to know what was expected of him."

"So what's the problem?"

"I walked him to the door and I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page, that what happened on the Citadel stayed on the Citadel…"

"So you brought it up…"

"Yeah… and the next thing I know we're standing there sucking face, and then EDI interrupted with a message from Chakwas."

"Hold on, Commander. Was there by any chance alcohol involved in this meeting?" He knew she always drank at night, had confided in him one night when he found her sitting alone in the Mako too drunk to even make it to her quarters. She drank to silence the voices in her head, to temporarily block the images the beacons on Eden Prime and Vermire had burned into her conscious. Combine that with the after effects of Mr. Happy Shot and that could explain her unusual behavior.

"There might have been a form of alcohol served over ice..."

"Spirits Shepard. Alcohol and Mr. Happy Shot make Shepard one fun spectre!" He winced when she punched him in the arm, but continued. "You weren't yourself. Talk to him sober and set the record straight."

"Yeah. Good idea." She unfolded from the crate and stood to leave. "Thanks Garrus. What would I do without you to talk to?"

"My crate is always available to you, Commander."

"By the way, you and Thane are with me when we go after the Justicar. I promised Chakwas I'd rest today. Be ready at 0800 tomorrow."

"Me and my C & C Music Factory will be there."

"I'm on my way to educate Yeoman Chambers on which music is most suitable for violence and bloodshed… Later Garrus."

"Whatevvaaa… Commander." Thank the Spirits she was already on her way out. She probably would have tried to break his finger…


	10. Chapter 10

Well, here's chapter 10. It's really long, longer than I intended it to be. I hope you enjoy more Shepard and Thane. As always, if you enjoy my story, please leave a review. Getting a review is like opening presents on Christmas morning.

~~o.O.o~~

Well hell. It wasn't the booze.

She was supposed to be resting. Hell, she'd rested enough when she was dead. It made her think of an old sign that had hung in the dive diner she'd usually eaten in back on earth. "Drink More Coffee. You can sleep when you're dead." Amen to that. Besides, there was too much to do to spend the day in bed. _Unless there's a certain hot…_ Oh give it a rest! Shit…

After a day of catching up on reports, overseeing the restocking of the ship's supplies since they were in port, and catching up on general crap, she'd finally decided to visit Thane in Life Support. Before she retired for the night. Before Jack Daniels came to visit. Before the migraine, that had started when Miranda came to see her about Jack, threatened to split her skull open, or cause her to gouge her eye out.

She really did need to talk to him, strictly professionally of course. She hadn't talked to him about his illness the night before. _Avoiding the subject? Too involved already, maybe? Push it way down inside and pretend you don't care…_ As the commander of this mission, she needed to know if there was anything that could compromise their success, that's all that mattered.

_The mission. Sure. That's your only reason for checking on him. Not because you're concerned on a personal level. Not because you haven't been able to get him out of your head since you met him. _

If she could have strangled her own conscious, she would have. She was scowling by the time she entered Life Support, and it wasn't all from the headache that grew with each heartbeat.

Life support had not been designed as living space. It was small and cramped. Pipes ran along the ceiling and supplies and equipment lined the walls. A small bed had been brought in and placed against a wall. Close beside it was a small table with two chairs. That's where she found Thane, sitting at the table looking out the room's only window. Beyond the window the ship's drive core glowed a familiar blue. Sitting with his back to her, hands wrapped around a mug, he seemed lost in thought when she entered. Only when she neared the table did he turn and look at her.

"Is there something you wished to discuss?" he asked softy, the throaty quality of his voice still able to send little shivers up and down her spine. Her hair… Today it was up, pulled severely into a tight coil at the back of her head. Not the halo of gold that had made him think of a picture he'd seen of human angles…

Coming to stand slightly behind she said, "In the tower, you mentioned that you weren't concerned that this was a suicide mission, that you were dying." She needed, no she had to be Commander Shepard, hard ass, straight to the point. She was in charge and there wasn't room for sentimentality. Maybe if she'd been someone else, maybe in another life time she could have afforded a small measure of something resembling compassion…

Thane stared at the Commander. That's who was here, now, Commander Shepard, not the woman who'd withered and moaned beneath him on the Citadel, not the woman who'd caused him to lose control of himself just the night before. No, this was the woman who had saved the galaxy from a geth invasion, the woman who had defeated a Reaper, the woman who was planning on going through the Omega-4 Relay. She turned and walked over to lean up against wall beside the window that looked out over the drive core, facing him.

"Yes, I thought you'd want to know more. You don't have to worry about the rest of the crew. My illness is not communicable, even to other drell. It's called Kepral's Syndrome." He returned to looking out over the drive core. This was the first time he'd spoken to anyone about his illness, outside the specialist on the Citadel and the ship's doctor. To be talking to her about it though… She'd already made him feel things, things he had not business feeling or even thinking about. He was a dead man, only his body struggled from one day to the next.

Damn straight I want to know more. You've been inside me, you're there now, in my head, in my dreams… "What exactly is the problem?" She rubbed at the back of her head, where the migraine flashed through her skull from her eye.

"My people were native to an arid world. Most of us now live on the hanar home world, Kahje. It's very humid and rains every day. Our lungs can't deal with the moisture. Over time the tissue looses the ability to absorb oxygen. It becomes harder to breathe. Eventually we suffocate." The specialist on the Citadel had warned him to stay away from moist environments. One lung was already compromised and the disease was spreading.

Suffocating… The memory sprang unbidden into her mind. She fought the memories of helplessness, of lungs burning from lack of air, suffocating, no shields, the cold emptiness of space…

"Can't they do something about that?" She knew before she asked what the answer would be. That's why she didn't, no couldn't, let people inside.

"The hanar have funded a genetic engineering program. They should be able to adapt us. The project has only been running for a few years. I don't believe my body will still draw breath by the time it bears fruit." She had turned and was looking out the window onto the drive core. Her face reflected in the glass was drawn, pain evident in the way her eyes were squinting, the plump lips he remembered sucking into his own mouth, pressed into a thin line. Not for the first time since she'd arrived in his quarters, he watched her reach up and pressed the heel of her hand against her eye.

The pounding in her skull increased. It's not your problem. Not unless it affects the mission. "Then don't live on Kahje, or use breathers."

"Drell have a close relationship with the hanar. We rely on each other. The best we can do is keep our homes very dry inside." Few understood the drell debt to the hanar. And fewer still understood his own special relationship with them. He wondered how she'd react if he told her he'd been studying as an assassin since the age of six…

"Are you going to be alright until the end of the mission?" She massaged her right temple as the migraine took up permanent residence behind her eye. Just great. Just fucking great.

"I should be fine for another eight to twelve months. The more time I spend in humid environments, the faster it progresses. I think it's safe to say that by the time my body is incapacitated we'll be victorious… or dead. Either way, I won't be a burden to you." That's one reason he'd taken the hit on Nassana. He didn't want to die in some hospital or hospice, alone, with nothing but his memories. Sure, he had perfect, wonderful memories of his wife and son and their life before he'd returned to the only job he'd ever know. They didn't keep him from knowing without a doubt that he'd utterly failed them both, that his life had become such a shithole he'd begun to welcome death if only to escape his own conscience.

"Is there anything we can do here? The Normandy has a state of the art medical bay." And, they had Mordin. The Salarian was a genius. Just maybe…

"No, thank you. It's being attended to. If the finest medical minds in the hanar Illuminated Primacy can't solve the problem, I doubt your ship's medic could. Thank you for your concern. Trust me, this won't affect my performance." He was committed to this, fighting the collectors, helping rid the galaxy of evil. He had a purpose now, some way to atone for the sins of a lifetime before his body returned to the sea.

"Doctor Chakwas is very knowledgeable about many species and conditions. She forwarded the results of your medical exam to me this morning. Said you're fit for duty. However, considering what you've just told me, I would like you to see Professor Mordin. He's over in the research lab. Mordin's the doctor who cured the plague that was threatening everyone on Omega recently." The migraine was finally getting the best of her and she slowly pushed away from the wall, intending to head up to her quarters.

He stood as she began to walk toward the door. "I will visit the professor tomorrow if the gods allow me to return from our mission." She stopped for a moment and again pressed the heel of her hand again against her eye.

"Be ready at 0800. I'm taking you and Garrus into Nos Atra to find the asari. Meet us in the communications center for a quick briefing." She opened her eyes to find him standing in front of her.

"Commander… about last night…" What could he say? He'd allowed himself to lose control. Maybe he could blame it on the alcohol, the events of the day, whatever… but regardless, he'd lost it for a moment. He needed to let her know it wouldn't happen again. That…

Shepard was in pain, he realized, severe pain, barely able to stand on her feet. Headache, and a bad one, from way she'd been rubbing her neck and pressing against her eyes. He'd had really bad headaches when he'd first been treated for the Kepral's Syndrome. The meds especially had triggered severe migraines that made him want to claw his own eye out. Hell…

"Come on Commander," he said, taking her by the shoulders and leading her to the chair at the table he'd been sitting in. Through the thin material of her shirt her skin's warmth curled into his palms and refused to leave, _curled around his senses and took residence in his mind…_

"What are you doing Krios?" she asked defensively, wanting to pull away but not having the strength.

"You look like you're going to nose dive face first into the floor any minute now," he replied, seemingly unconcerned with her apparent irritation. After she was seated he asked, "Should I call Dr. Chakwas?"

"No." She pressed her hands on either side of her temple and pressed inward. "Just let me sit here for a moment and then I'll head up," she finally replied. If her head didn't hurt so badly, she might have better appreciated the strong hands that had held her shoulders, might have better appreciated the intoxicating smell of leather and spice that reminded her of a night of sin and sharing…

"What are you doing?" she asked when the clasp that kept her hair up was removed. Long alien fingers sifted through the golden strands and began moving strong and sure over her scalp. She should stop it, had told herself she wouldn't let her guard down again… A low moan escaped her lips as the assassin standing behind her massaged her scalp, gently rotating her head from side to side, front to back, all the while his lithe fingers applying pressure in just the right places… Her head leaning back against a firm stomach as he leaned against her, fingers that had caressed the most intimate parts of her moving in circles over her temples. She let herself concentrate on only those sensations, drowning in his touch, in him.

Involuntarily her hands came up to clutch at his arms, sliding up to rock hard biceps. Eyes closed, she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper as the pain in her head slowly receded. Gently removing her hands from his arms, he slowly pushed her forward, arms crossed on the table to support her head. He bent her head forward and concentrated the pressure of his thumbs at the base of her neck. Firm, smooth strokes up either side of her spine, fingers pressing and stroking.

What in the hell was wrong with her? She'd said she wasn't going to do this again, wasn't going to let herself feel, wasn't going to let herself want. You'd think she'd have learned her lesson by now, especially after Kaiden.

But there was something about Thane. It could have been the mind blowing sex they'd had. It could have been that fatalistic flaw she had of being attracted to bad boys. Maybe it was the kindred soul she sensed when she was with him, like he knew what it was like to be so all alone, not by choice but forced on him by choices and events beyond his control… And then maybe it was the strange sense of calm and security she had around him, a peace that was baffling in the way it wrapped itself around her being. Whatever it was, it was strange, wonderful, amazing… and it scared the holy shit out of her.

The throbbing in her head was receding now, and it took everything she had not to close her eyes and drift off to sleep. Maybe she could close them just for a moment, just a few seconds, just…

What the hell was he thinking? _He'd meditated, prayed, sworn up and down to abstain from alcohol… Yeah, like it's the alcohol that makes you burn to touch her. You can't be drawn to her, a human, for any other reason. It's not because you just think of her and you're back in that penthouse suite balls deep inside her warmth, or curled together with her warm breath on your neck, feeling more content than you have a right to… It's not that you're drawn to her because she'd everything you're not. She's a warrior who puts herself between evil and the innocent. She's a soldier who kills in the name of justice, not a paycheck. She's a human, and yet she's fighting to save all species of the galaxy from the coming menace._

_You have no right to feel... this… whatever it is. No. Right. At. All… to think of her as another warrior goddess… another Siha…_

Beneath his hands, still rubbing tiny circles up and down the back of her neck, his Commander was asleep, her face no longer pinched in pain, her features relaxed.

Now what? He couldn't just leave her there. Directly behind him was the small bed… Wake her up? Let her sleep in the chair? Pick her up and take her back to her quarters? Oh yeah. That would go over well, especially if any of the crew saw him carrying her to the elevator.

He could pick her up and if she awoke he'd send her on her way. If she didn't, she could sleep on the bed and he'd make do in the chair. Oh what the hell. He scooped her out of the chair, and when she didn't wake, but rolled her face to snuggle closer into the frills of his neck, he turned and placed her gently on the small bed. Oh well, it looked like it was the chair for him tonight…

She wasn't sure what woke her up, but thought it was probably the drell snoring softly in the chair beside her. Illuminated by the soft glow of the drive core, he looked uncomfortable half lying on the table, head at an odd angle. She remembered coming to talk to Thane, remembered the blinding headache, remembered the magic his hands worked on her head, remembered thinking that if she could just close her eyes for a minute… A warm little smile played on her lips. Why hadn't he woken her up? That would have been the simplest thing to do. He couldn't be comfortable. She'd go up to her quarters and let him have his bed, if you could call it that, back.

She tried to be quite, but the cot creaked and squeaked when she moved to sit up. Beside her, Thane immediately sat up and turned to look at her, eyes wide in that kind of wild look she'd seen soldiers get when they'd been sleeping on edge and awoke with a start.

"I'll just be heading up now." She stood up just as he did, and whether from the after effects of the headache, standing too quickly, or just being so close to him, she felt dizzy, off balance, and she began to fall backwards. His hands immediately shot out to grab her by the waist, hers clutched at the front of his jacket… and then they were falling.

Arms and legs tangled together on the small bed as he fell on top of her. Hands braced on the bed on either side of her waist, he trembled above her. Not from the effort it took to keep himself from crushing her, but with the self control it took not to crush her body to his and repeat everything they'd done to each other on the Citadel, plus a few things he'd thought of since then. His lips were but a breath away from hers, and Gods condemn his soul to hell but he wanted so badly...

She knew she shouldn't, but it was like someone else controlling her body when her arms went up around his neck and she closed the tiny space between their lips. Just a tiny kiss, just one little innocent kiss, just… oh hell, screw that.

He was already lying on top of her and it was nothing to wrap her legs around his hips. This is what her body remembered, what her body wanted, no, what it craved, the feel of him cradled between her thighs, his body pressing intimately against hers.

"Tell me to stop, Shepard," he breathed against her mouth, the trembling in his body increasing with the effort it took to not simply crawl inside her.

"I can't do that. You tell me to stop." She couldn't keep her hands from stroking the delicate ribbons of flesh at his neck, she knew it liked it. She needed to hear that deep growl he made when aroused.

"I am trying to be sensi…" he started only to groan as her fingers, then lips, played with his frills. This wasn't sensible. This wasn't a good idea. This was insanity. This was…

"So tell me to stop." Her tongue licked up his neck, back to his mouth to run over his bottom lip. The world was beginning to spin. The blue glow of the drive core illuminated the room, little shimmering stars dancing in the light. His body seemed to glow above hers and she wanted him inside her, so she could glow, too.

"Just remember you asked for this," was his only reply, a little terse, a little angry, before he was pulling her shirt and sports bra up and off, followed by her boots, pants, and a tiny scrap of lace that passed for underwear. His followed just a quickly and before she could even think about changing her mind his warm body was covering hers, that glorious male member she'd dreamed of heavy and throbbing between her thighs.

Thane knew he was out of control. Knew he was too far gone to stop. But she was, too. She was on fire, the look in her eyes burning him to ashes with the heat of her desire. She was just as perfect as he remembered. Not drell, not assari, but human female to perfection. Raspberry tipped breasts that begged for his mouth, he lowered his head and took one in his mouth. One hand splayed over her stomach to drift down between her legs where he pushed his thick middle finger into her moist heat. Gods she was hot and wet and tight, already bucking her hips onto his finger. Thumb finding that spot that drove her wild he circled, flicked, and rubbed until she was spasming and sobbing his name.

And then he was inside her, no warning, no slow side, just balls deep in one thrust, his name a hoarse scream as she arched and wrapped her legs tight around his waist.

She was flying, above the clouds, above the galaxy, up where the gods lived and ruled. She needed to taste him, to drown in him. She kissed his lips, his jaw, the delicate frills of his neck, the rougher scales of his chest. Over and over he surged into her and she couldn't help arching and writhing under him. He more than filled her, his cock larger than most humans. The ribbed segments massaged the walls of her sex, touching and caressing that magic spot inside that made her want to cry it felt so intense.

This is what she'd been dreaming of, this remembered perfection as they bodies met and took from each other, met and gave to each other, almost like they meant to be here, at this time, this place… this life. It was rough, it was animalistic, they were definitely out of control… It was perfect.

Reaching between their sweat slick bodies, he again loved and toyed with her clit. Almost immediately she came, her body arching off the bed, a death grip on his shoulders as she orgasmed over and over, the walls of her sex clenching his cock deliciously. He gripped her face in his hands, mouth covering hers to absorb the scream that seemed wrenched from her soul as he too gave up his fragile control on sanity and flooded her tight cunt with his cum. Over and over he arched into her, pouring himself into her until they were both spent and breathing heavily.

It was her omni tool chirping that woke her up. Struggling to open her eyes, it took her a moment to recognize where she was. Warm breath on the back of her neck. Head pillowed on a green scaly arm, another arm thrown over her waist, a four fingered hand splayed over her stomach, holding her tightly against a warm chest. Legs tangled together under a sheet, her very naked ass nestled against his very naked crotch…

A twitch. Was that a twitch?

"I would suggest that if we are going into Nos Astra this morning, that you return to your quarters, Commander, because evidently I have no control over how my body reacts to you." What the hell was going on in his head? He couldn't even blame alcohol this time. No he'd been stone cold sober and unable to control himself. His gods had surely left him. His prayers and meditations had gone unanswered, his resolve shattered by one small woman. Shepard, Commander, evil siren that's going to cause the sea to throw his body back onto the beach…

His deep throaty voice made her quiver on the inside and tingle on the outside. That there was more than a little disgust and self deprecation tinting his admission, didn't keep him from responding to her nearness. That she evidently had the exact same problem didn't go unnoticed by her psyche either.

That was definitely a twitch. She felt an answering twitch between her own legs. She had to get up and get ready for their mission this morning. Had to get out of this bed before she rolled on top of him and…

"Commander, Operative Lawson would like to see you in her office before you leave for Nos Astra," EDI's digital voice sounded over the intercom.

"Thanks EDI. Let her know I'll be down in about a half hour." Climbing ungracefully out of the small bed she began gathering her clothes and pulling them on.

"Logging you out Commander."

"I gotta go, Thane. Meet me in the Comm Room at 0800." She couldn't find her hair clip. She balled the long curls up and stuck them down the back of her shirt. She just needed to get from Life Support to the Elevator without anyone seeing her. Hopping on one foot she pulled on a sock then stuck her foot in a boot.

"We need to talk, Shepard," he said from the bed, still lying there with the sheet pulled only to his waist. All that expanse of bare chest… Oh dear God, she was doomed. DOOMED!

"I know… When we get back. In the mess hall. With lots of people around." She headed for the door without glancing back. She couldn't talk, not now. Her head was a mess, and she needed coffee, lots of good strong coffee…

"Understood, Commander. 0800 in the Comm Center, then."

No. It definitely wasn't the booze…

**A/N:** I had a migraine last weekend. That's what inspired this little piece of my story.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N 1 **Just a short note on migraines before I continue – The technique that Thane used in my last chapter was something I've had my husband do for me for years. First off, my migraines are the ones that feel like someone is poking me in the eye with a red hot spike that goes all the way through my skull to exit out the back of my head down close to my neck. There's usually light sensitivity and nausea, too (Yeah! Go Team Migraine!). I am a lifelong sufferer of migraines and when I get one and it's really bad, after all the crazy medicines that I take, I have him massage my temples. Sometimes I get him to put his hands on either side of my head and squeeze like he's going to pop it. This seems to help for some unknown reason, as long as he stands there. Anyway, just wanted to clarify on the whole different approach to the migraine cure thing… And now, a big thank you to God for Imatrex and Fioranol…

**A/N 2** Sorry for the long delay between updates. Bad. Bad. Writers. Cramp. New Xbox 360 and new games (Fable 2 and 3, Call of Duty black Ops), um… Holiday parties…? I'll try to do better… And, a big **thank you** to everyone who has added my story to your list of favorites and story alerts. Your continued support and reviews are why I write. Now, on with the circus that lives inside my head…

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

It had been a long, hard fought mission, but Shepard recruited the Justicar, an Asari Warrrior named Samara… As if there was ever any question she would not succeed. Samara would meet them on the Normandy later.

On the way back to the ship Thane sat in the back of the taxi and stared a hole in the back of the turian's head. He was in a black mood, strange sensations twisting and churning through his gut... The whole damn day had been crazy, so different from his usually well ordered, structured way of life.

Waking up with Shepard in his bed that morning had totally thrown him. This… this, whatever it was, it wasn't what he'd planned on. It wasn't the peace and acceptance he'd prayed for, meditated on. Till now, sitting here thinking of ways to get rid of the turian, he couldn't ever remember being so… disoriented? confused? outside himself, so unlike himself… so disconnected… Well, maybe not since Irikah death…

Shepard had been a consummate professional throughout the entire mission. In charge, in command, in control. However, and here was what was so confusing and had him wondering if perhaps somehow his illness had compromised his ability to think clearly, objectively. Shepard and "Gaaaarus", as she liked to call the big turian, worked together as if they had been born doing it. Instinctive and so familiar with each other's moves, they seemed to move as one. And it annoyed the fuck out of him. ARGH! What was wrong with him?

They were so comfortable with each other they almost seemed oblivious to him, although the Commander certainly made it a point to include him in all discussions concerning their mission.

It shouldn't have mattered what they did, or how they seemed closer than just squad mates. He shouldn't have cared that the turian clearly adored her and that Shepard clearly reciprocated those feelings. It shouldn't have mattered, but it did. He shouldn't have cared, but he did. It shouldn't have bothered him, but it did. He shouldn't want to put a slug through the turian's head… but he did.

In the front seat, the Commander was currently trying to take the heads up display off the turian's head. He was trying to drive and stop her. As soon as he'd synced the unit up to the taxi's sound system and begun playing some music he liked, Shepard had begun trying to take the unit from his head.

"Garrus, I told you listening to that damn shit will rot your brain. Give me that," she said, long alien fingers already reaching up to the device.

Jerking his head to the side and out of her reach, he growled, "Since I'm driving, I control the music."

"That's only because you refuse to let me drive," she replied, now attempting to climb out of her seat in a determined move to acquire the turian's head piece.

"That's because you're the worst driver I've ever been trapped in a moving vehicle with," he replied, now driving with one hand, the other grabbing her face and trying to push her back into her seat.

"Shit Garrus, you're such a pussy. So I drove off a few cliffs," she mumbled from beneath his hand still on her face. She was trying to pry his gloved talons off, but not having much success.

"Drove off a few cliffs?" he laughed and began to slow down for approach to the taxi bay at the ships docking station. "Drove off cliffs, rolled us down the side of a mountain, almost backed into lava… Shall I go on?" He finally let go of her face and parked the taxi. They were all a little slower climbing out than they had been climbing in that morning.

"Like I said. Pussy," Shepard replied, taking a moment to lean up against the taxi.

Thane started around the taxi toward her, but stopped when the turian spoke.

"Shepard?" the turian asked, already making his way around to where she stood, the concern clearly evident in his voice. "You OK?"

"Just a little tired. Think you can help me to the elevator?" she asked tiredly, eyes closed and her head falling forward.

"Sure Shepard," the big turian replied, already wrapping an arm around her small waist.

Thane suddenly wanted to rip the turian's arm off. Totally irrational, totally unlike his normal "detach from it all, you don't have long in this world" outlook on life. He knew, KNEW for God's sake, that what he was feeling wasn't normal, wasn't rational. He knew it, but couldn't control it.

So caught up in his own personal fog of confusion, he startled when, watching in disbelief , Shepard suddenly reached up and grabbed the turian's heads up display. Cackling wildly, she ran for the Normandy, the display grasp firmly in her hand.

"Sucker!" she yelled as she disappeared into the ship.

"I can't believe I fell for that," Garrus deadpanned, turning to look in his direction before grabbing his and Shepard's gear from the taxi.

"The Commander obviously seems to disapprove of your choice of driving music," he replied as calmly as if he wasn't wishing the turian would just drop dead.

"Shepard has very definite ideas about what constitutes 'good music'," the turian replied, beginning to walk toward the Normandy.

Falling in beside him, Thane asked, "If she is the Commander and you know this, then why cause discord with your choice?"

"Because it irritates her," he simply replied. Garrus continued looking ahead to the Normandy, but he could sense the disapproval emanating from the drell. No, disapproval wasn't the right word. The drell seemed… angry, pissed, jealous? Was that the right human emotion? Did the assassin see him as competition for Shepard? He almost laughed out loud at the thought. Of course the drell didn't know he already knew about Shepard's adventures on the Citadel with a certain assassin…

"I fail to see where causing Commander Shepard undue annoyance is of value given the current mission we are on."

"The Commander has a lot on her shoulders. If she's irritated, then she's got something else to focus on besides this damn impossible mission, if only for a little while," Garrus replied, finally reaching the air lock.

"I would think that focusing on the mission would be of prime importance for its success. Distractions would seem to be counterproductive to achieving the intended goal."

The turian stopped and looked at him, seeming to come to a decision before he spoke.

"Shepard will get this done, one way or another. She will find a way through the Omega-4 Relay. She will take the fight directly to the collectors. That doesn't mean she's not vulnerable to second guessing herself, worrying about all of us as if we are her family, knowing that she's leading some of us to a place we may not return from."

Garrus paused, considering his next words carefully. "She knows, better than any of us, what we're up against, what will happen if we fail. It weights on her, consumes her from the inside out. I was with her when she took down Saren and killed a Reaper. I know a little of the demons that prowls the halls of her mind, seeking moments of weakness to attack. So yeah, if I can do anything to keep them from dragging her down into a pit of despair, I will, however small or silly it seems at the time."

"Your concern for Shepard is clear, as is the close bond you share," Thane said finally, regarding Garrus with a look of resignation, an odd burning sensation in his chest. Clearly Shepard had chosen the turian long ago. He had been just a one time, no make two time, quick fuck.

"Shepard and I do share a bond, a bond that comes from going to hell and back together, of always being there for each other…" Garrus offered matter-of-factly. He pushed the ship's air lock control then paused to look back over his shoulder at the drell. "But I'm not the one she smells like…" He couldn't keep a twinkle out of his eyes as he stepped smartly through into the ships interior leaving the assassin with an altogether confused and stunned look on his face.

~o~o~o~o~o~

After the mission debrief and medical scans, Shepard had request that he meet with her in the ship's dining facility around 1900 hours. He'd had time to shower and meditate, not that meditating did him any good it seemed. He'd prayed, meditated, and asked forgiveness from the gods the previous day. And what good had it done him? His body had betrayed him, his gods had abandoned him, and he'd wound up in bed with Shepard, again, wanting things he had no right wanting, again.

The turian's answer still puzzled him. If she and Garrus weren't together, then what were they? And what the hell did he mean by _'But I'm not the one she smells like…'_? His mind was a mess as he made his way out of his quarters.

The area was empty save her. Hadn't she been the one to suggest they talk here since there would be lots of people around? Maybe they were hiding under the table, or in the cabinets, or oh hell, he was babbling, to himself, inside his own head… Just fucking great.

She was seated at one of the smaller dining tables, head bent over one of several datapads scattered around her, a glass of what looked like earth whiskey clutched in her hand. He took a seat directly opposite her and waited for her to speak.

Not even looking up she said, "Have you seen Mordin yet?"

"I have not had the time since we last talked, Commander."

"Go see him when we're done here."

"Is there anything else, Commander?"

Finally looking up, she said, "You're the one that wanted to talk this morning. So… talk." She took a long drink, downing the remaining amber liquid in one swallow. She knew what was coming. Hopefully he'd get it over with and go back to his room. She'd go back to hers and…

"Are you and turian together?" he asked, wondering why his mouth had decided to speak before his brain told it what to say. That one question had been burning inside him, even through his prayers and meditation, even on the short trip here from his quarters.

"No, though I fail to see where it's any of your business."

"Ah. So I shouldn't read too much into the fact that you called my name when you came on my cock last night."

"Crudely put, but yes, that's about it. Don't take it personal Krios. I enjoyed out time together, but it was a mistake on my part. Blame it on me if it makes you feel any better."

"Then it is good to know we both agree that it was a mistake that we shouldn't make again. If we are done, I will see Prof. Solus."

"As long as we understand each other."

^0^0^0^0^0^0^0^0^

There was no way she was going to be able to sleep tonight. No amount of alcohol or pills was going to shut up her mind. Too many unnamed emotions crawled over her skin and through her head. _'good to know we both agree that it was a mistake that we shouldn't make again'_ God! What was wrong with her? She hadn't felt this shitty even after Kaiden crapped all over her on Horizon, no pun intended. It had been a mistake, hadn't it? She was supposed to be saving the galaxy. That's what she had to focus on, what she had care about right now, wasn't it?

Cerberus had wanted the original Commander Shepard, the woman who had defeated a Reaper, the first human Specter. But that woman had died… and every day it got harder and harder to give a damn… about anything... about anyone… except of course Garrus, and now…

FUCK! She threw a hard right uppercut into the dummy's midsection followed quickly by a jabbing left. In nothing but her training shorts and a sports bra, hands taped like a pro fighters, she threw punches over and over again, sometimes following with powerful knee strikes and a few roundhouse kicks. Bare feet danced over the cold mats on the cargo bay floor. Just fight till you're to numb to feel…

Damn straight it was a mistake. Shit, she was a mistake. Isn't that what her mother had told her over and over again? It seemed like she'd heard it every day of her first six years, right up until the time her mother had taken her to school and never came back to pick her up.

In and out of foster homes for the next eight years, she'd dropped out of school and run away when her last foster "father" decided to have a little fun with her. She hadn't understood at first. It had started out as just touching, but soon escalated to full blown rape. For several weeks after she turned fourteen, he'd raped her in the afternoons, after school, before her foster mother got home from work, telling her that if she said anything or told anyone, he'd either kill her or he'd hurt one of the other children in the home. And besides, who'd believe her. She was no one, a mistake, just like all the other orphans in the system.

As the oldest there, she'd taken it on herself to look out for them, to care about them, to protect them. Wondering what she'd ever done to deserve this kind of living hell, she'd finally worked up the courage to tell her foster mother, expecting her to do the right thing and turn the man in. Wasn't that the right thing to do? Shouldn't the woman have protected her? She'd been a scared fourteen year old child…. The woman had slapped her and accused her of leading her husband on, calling her a whore, calling child services to pick up 'the lying little slut'. That's when she'd learned not to trust anyone….

She'd run when the man came in the room and told his wife to let him take care of it. As the husband and father, it was his duty to discipline the children. Lying would not be tolerated, and then his belt had come off and the pain had started… _"That was a big mistake you just made," he'd sneered, the belt swinging through the air to catch her across the shoulders…_

It was fuzzy… she really didn't remember exactly what happened after that. Her foster mother had been screaming, somehow her foster father had been thrown out through a second story window, and she'd run, just run... A few days later she found herself holed up in an abandoned building in Tucson Arizona. She never really knew how she got there. What she did know was that every news outlet in the country was covering the story of the 'wonderful foster family, torn apart by an out of control foster daughter who had turned on the man for no reason, apparently using biotics to hurl him out of a second story window to his death.' The authorities had offered a reward for any information leading to the arrest of the suspect… They'd posted her picture all over the place…

_That asshole had deserved to die…_

After that she lived on the streets, keeping in the shadows, always keeping out of sight of the authorities. It had been easy to cut her hair, and color it black. With no papers, she'd begun calling herself Tucson, Tucson Shepard. Tucson for the city, Shepard for the name of the street the abandoned building had been on.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it, her body had developed early, and it had been easy to get a job in the clubs, first waitressing and later, stripping. Survive, at all cost. That had become her motto. Fristo's Dance Club and Bar, that's where she'd caught the eye of Big Mike, the leader of the Tenth Street Reds, a gang that was branching out into the smaller cities of the southwest. She'd been sixteen then…

For two years she'd fought with them, helped them run red sand, helped them spread their anti-alien agenda, helped then dabble in human slave trade. They'd become the family she never had and she'd done everything in her power to make sure they were the number one gang in the city.

But, somewhere along the way she'd lost her soul... That had never been so apparent as the day the gang attacked a visiting group of alien tourist, killing everyone, even the children. Since joining, she'd turned a blind eye to some of the gang's more evil deeds. Life was a piss hole and you either learned to swim with the sharks or you sank to the bottom to be swallowed up and never seen again. But killing children? Was that who she was? Was that really who she wanted to be? Did she even have a soul anymore?

Two days later she'd been on an Alliance base enlisting in the Marines…

How long she spared with the dummy she didn't know. Shoulders aching, lungs burning, and newly mended ribs now screaming from over use, she was bent over, eyes closed against the sweat that trickled down her forehead, hands braced on her thighs when she finally registered that there was someone else in the training area of the cargo hold.

"Unless you're here to fight, get the hell out."

Clothing rustled behind her and she turned to see the assassin stripping out of a black skintight t-shirt, which he neatly folded and placed on a nearby crate. Barefoot and wearing only a pair of dark grey sweat pants that rode low on his lean hips, he silently advanced towards her on the training mat. Graceful, sinuous flow of muscle, he advanced until he was mere inches from her, eyes locked on hers, brows knitted together in concentration, confrontation about to happen.

Oh my fucking God, she could remember licking every one of the scales on his chest, could remember running her hands over the well defined muscles of his abs and stomach. And she remembered how alive she'd felt with him, how she'd wanted something… felt something more that she'd ever had before, even knowing that it could never be.

It had been a mistake, and it made her angry that her life was so fucked up… angry at herself for allowing him to mean anything to her, angry at him for agreeing that it was a mistake…

Oh for fucks sake, she was now officially insane… pissed off - stay out of her way – beginning to tremble with rage, _insane_.

Before she even knew what she was doing, she let loose with a biotic throw that sent the assassin hurtling across the cargo hold to slam against the wall. He recovered quickly and before she could even react, she felt herself thrown to the ground, the drell already on top of her, pinning her to the cold floor mat.

"It's a 'mistake'," he said, his tongue biting out the word, "to assume your target won't be able to immediately respond."

"And it's a 'mistake'," she hissed through clenched teeth, "not to go for the kill when you have the chance." Showing with all her might she threw him off of her and immediately attacked.

For the next half an hour they fought, throwing each other all over the cargo area, vicious punches, bone crunching kicks, biotic attacks lighting up the area with blue fire, neither one giving an inch. Shepard let the anger carry her, the dark energy of her inner turmoil fueling the fire that kept her going. Punch, kick, throw… over and over her body responded until there was nothing inside left to burn…

She was so tired, but there was no way in hell she was going to surrender. She'd managed to throw the drell across the room again, but when she looked, he wasn't there. Looking around the cargo area she failed to see the shadow beside her until it was too late. A quick sweep of a leg and she went down hard on her back, head bouncing on the matted floor. Quickly, Thane straddled her hips and pinned her arms above her head.

Bending slowly forward until they were practically nose to nose, both breathing hard, both covered in sweat, both trembling, he finally managed to say, "We. Were. Not. A. Mis. Take."

After he'd seen Mordin, he'd gone back to his quarters to pray. He'd been, as always, seeking atonement, forgiveness for the weaknesses of his body and soul. He wasn't 'Whole', hadn't been since Irikah's murder. But here, with Shepard, he felt more alive than ever before. Whatever this was, he was powerless against its pull...

"Get. The. Fuck. Off. Of. Me," she finally managed to say, each breath a struggle, Thane's muscular body pressing her hard into the floor. What the hell did he mean? Of course they'd been a mistake, hadn't they? _Well, it he was such a mistake, then why did you get all freaky when you found him on Illum? Why can't you get him out of your mind? _It was like he'd crawled inside her skin, already become a part of her…

"Our meeting was not a mistake. We were not a mistake. Whatever this is, whatever we are, I can't get you out of my head, Shepard. I haven't been able to since the day I met you," he finally replied. Rolling off her to lie on the matted floor, he continued, "If you really believe this was a mistake, then just walk away and I'll respect your wish - "

He gasped when she rolled on top of him and settled her legs around his hips, quickly pinning his arms above his head, her breasts pressed hard and firm against his chest. Peach colored lips ghosted above his, her eyes intense, never leaving his as their breaths mingling into one. "Since I met you, I haven't been able to think… about anything except you. When you're near, I feel.."

_What? Whole? Complete?_ When she was near, he felt whole…or as least as close as he'd come in many, many years. This was crazy. This was madness. This was what it felt to be alive again after so many years asleep…

"I… feel... and that scares me." She finally released his hands and started to roll off of him only to be stopped by strong arms clasping her firmly to him.

"So tell me again why this is a mistake," he murmured against her lips. Sliding his hands lower he cupper his ass and pulled her tighter against his hips.

"You make me feel…"

"What? I make you feel what?"

"Alive. You make me feel alive." And for the first time since she'd awoke from the dead, she truly felt like living, and it scared the holy hell out of her. Life was so much easier when you were dead inside…

"What now?" he asked, still clasping her tight to himself.

"I don't know, I'm too tired to think. In fact, I don't want to think. I can't think when you're holding me like this…"

Thane rolled them gently to the side and moved to stand up. He reached for her hand and pulled her up to stand beside him. For one moment he let his free hand tangle in her hair and pulled her close for a tender kiss before releasing her and retrieving his shirt from the crate he'd place it on.

Neither one spoke on the elevator ride up. Exiting on the Crew Deck, Thane cupped her cheek with his hand and said, "May the Gods grant you peaceful rest, Commander." Leaning back against the cool metal, she watched him cross the hallway to Life Support and enter. Her cheek still tingled and the elevator smelled of him. She could still taste him on her lips, could still feel the press of his body against hers…

When the elevator stopped at her quarters, she just stood there for several minutes. Pushing away from the back wall she started to exit, but suddenly changed her mind and punched the button for the crew deck. Before she could think about her actions, she crossed the hallway and entered Life Support. The only illumination was the gentle blue of the drive core, but she could clearly see Thane's dark eyes regarding her from where he was already stretched out on the narrow bed. Surprise, curiosity, and apprehension crossed his features as she came toward him. Lifting the light cover, she crawled in beside him and snuggled down next to him. Warm arms enveloped her as she rested her head on his shoulder and entwined her legs with his. A five fingered hand pressed against the beautiful scale covered skin over his heart, she closed her eyes and sighed.

So, this was what it felt like to be alive again…


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N** I've taken just a little **creative license** with the dialogue between Kaidan, Shepard, and Garrus on Horizon. Most holds true to form until the end.

Also, sorry for such a long time between updates… Life gets in the way sometimes…

And, as always, a **big thank you** to everyone who had favorited and/or alerted my story. I hope you enjoy the continuing story of Shepard and Thane. (We can never have too much Thane…)

Jesus God it was warm, Shepard thought, a little disoriented when the alarm on her omni-tool went off in the morning. She wasn't on the couch in her quarters. She usually never made it to the bed, just sipping whiskey on the couch and watching vids until she drifted off into nothingness…

No, definitely not on the couch. She was in Life Support, she remembered now, with Thane. With the smoking hot drell sex god spooned against her back, one arm draped possessively across her waist, she indulged for just a moment and snuggled deeper into his warmth. When he sleepily nuzzled the back of her neck and pulled her tighter against him, she relaxed and hit snooze for another ten minutes.

But instead of drifting back off to sleep, she couldn't help thinking… about the night before, about the man sleeping peacefully beside her, about what everything that had happened since she was brought back meant…

I mean… what was this? The second night in a row she'd spent in Life Support? Jesus, she had wanted to stay here, wanted to sleep with him, wanted closeness, touching, emotional contact without necessarily having sex. Fuck, what was wrong with her?

She never stayed after sex. Never just wanted to "be" with someone, to be close. Kaidan was the closest she'd ever come to a real relationship, and even then she'd sent him back to his bunk right after. Either that or she'd get dressed and head up to the CIC. And she'd loved him… _hadn't she?_

But here she was with Thane, content just be near him. Well, maybe skin to scale was stretching the definition of near. And what did that mean? How, in all the craziness of the universe, did Thane Krios fit into the mess that was her life?

It was just a physical relationship, definitely just physical. He was the best sex she'd ever had. That's all it was. It couldn't possibly be more than that, could it? Just sex, really great, mind blowing sex mind you… but that was all, wasn't it?

I mean, hell… It seemed like just yesterday she and Kaidan were doing the horizontal mambo, and she'd actually begun thinking of happily ever after and a little apartment on one of the Citadel wards. She'd been in love with Kaidan, head over heels, crazy in love... And she'd though he loved her, too…

But it had been over two years. Something she was still having a hard time wrapping her mind around. And then on Horizon she'd seen him and her heart had burst with joy only to be ripped out of her chest and stomped into the ground at her feet.

He'd been the first person she'd thought of when she awoke on that God forsaken Cerberus station where they'd brought her back to life. She'd asked the Illusive Man about him before anyone else on her team. His name had been the first she'd asked Anderson about… And with every evasion, every dead-end road, she'd become just a little more desperate to find him.

And then, there he was on Horizon… walking toward her. She drank in his face, his walk, his voice…

"_I thought you were dead Commander. We all did." And then she'd been in his arms again… and she'd thought that maybe everything was going to be all right. Her world, so chaotic since she'd "woke up", would surely stop spinning out of control._

_Pulling back she replied, "It's been too long Kaidan. How have you been?" She'd known it must be hard for him, thinking all that time that she was dead, then suddenly appearing from nowhere._

"_Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years and act like nothing ever happened? I thought we had something Shepard. Something real… I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" She'd understood his anger. She'd become intimately acquainted with anger after being brought back to life. All her dreams, all her plans had been ripped away, leaving her bare and bleeding from the heart._

"_I'm sorry, Kaidan. I was clinically dead. It took two years to bring me back. So much time had passed. I asked about you everywhere I went. No one knew where you were. Anderson wouldn't tell me. And then I began to wonder if maybe you'd moved on…" She looked at him with eyes that pleaded for him to understand. "I don't want to reopen old wounds."_

"_I did move on, at least I thought I did. But now we've got reports about you and Cerberus." All the while backing away from her, the accusation in his voice growing more pronounced by the word…_

"_Reports… you mean you already knew." Garrus interrupted, not sounding surprised._

"_Alliance intel thought Cerberus might be behind the missing human colonies. They got a tip this colony might be the next one to get hit. Anderson stonewalled me, but there were rumors that you weren't dead, that you were working for the enemy."_

_He'd heard she wasn't dead? Had he been trying to find her as much as she'd been trying to find him? The small flame of hope that burned in her heart, even as he seemed to distance himself from her, grew brighter._

"_Cerberus and I want the same thing, to save our colonies. That doesn't mean I answer to them." She'd have thought he'd have known that, that she always did things her own way. After everything they went through together, all they'd shared…_

_And then that little flame that had started to glow had been snuffed out, like it never existed… _

_He'd leaned forward, anger contorting his face, body tense as he finally voiced his real feelings. "Do you really believe that, or is that just what Cerberus wants you to think? I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You've turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance, you betrayed me."_

_For just a moment she'd thought her heart would stop, that everything in the world had suddenly gone stark raving crazy… How could he say that? How could he even think that? She'd been holding it together by a thin thread since Cerberus brought her back from the dead. It had been the hope of finding him that had made her crawl out of bed every day._

"_Kaidan, you know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The Collectors are targeting human colonies, and they're working with the Reapers." Believe me... .believe me… I need you…_

"_I want to believe you Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a Reaper to manipulate you. What if they're behind it? What if they're working with the Collectors?"_

_Garrus had interrupted at that point, anger at Kaidan unmistakable in his voice. "Damn it Kaidan, you're so focused on Cerberus you're ignoring the real threat."_

"_You're letting how you feel about their history get in the way of the facts," she'd tried to reason with him. But, he'd just kept backing away, his face closing. She could see him putting up a wall between them. He didn't trust her…_

"_Maybe. Or maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus because they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed. But, I still know where my loyalties lie. I'm an Alliance soldier. Always will be. I've got to report back to the Citadel. They can decide if they believe your story or not."_

_She had to try, one more time… "I could use someone like you on my crew Kaidan. It'll be just like old times."_

"_No it won't. I'll never work for Cerberus. Goodbye Shepard, and be careful."_

_Garrus had watched him rip her to shreds. As he'd walked away, he'd called out, "So that's it Kaidan? You think you get to come here and call the Commander a traitor when neither the Council or your precious Alliance have done anything to find the missing colonist? Get out of my sight before I rip your head off and shit in your skull."_

"_I should have known you'd take her side Garrus. You two were always a little too chummy for my taste. Got a thing for humans, turian? Or maybe the Commander's into aliens these days."_

_And with that he'd turned and walked away. She'd been too numb to do anything other than radio Joker for a pickup. She'd spent two days in her quarters, alternating between drinking herself into a coma, yelling at his picture, and crying on Garrus's shoulder. _

Thank God for Garrus. He'd always had her six, always been there for her, always trusted her. He'd kept the drinks flowing, kept her supplied with tissues and a solid shoulder to cry on. He'd even cleaned up the mess she'd made of her quarters after she finally passed out. But, most importantly, he'd been the one to help her see what a complete jerk Kaidan had been.

She could understand moving on after two years. Could understand wanting to make a new life. But after everything they'd been through, everything they'd done, that he'd just walk away like that? Calling her a traitor? Here she was trying to save the galaxy, again, risking her life for humanity and all species, again, and he just didn't trust her anymore.

Did she have to die a second time to prove herself to him?

Yeah, maybe that had been the worst part, to know he didn't trust her to do what was right. She betrayed him? Hell no. He'd betrayed her by not having enough faith in her to know that whatever she was doing, it was for the right reasons. That's what hurt. That's what burned. That was a slap in the face. That's what began to piss her off. _If you loved someone, you trusted them, right? Maybe she'd never meant as much to him as he'd meant to her… Maybe he'd never really loved her, never really trusted her… especially if he could even think that she'd had something going on with Garrus while they'd still been together._

And so she'd taken the Normandy to the Citadel for supplies and a little shore leave. That's how she'd wound up at the Darkstar Lounge and the rest was, as they say, history. Into aliens? No. Into numbing her brain with booze so she couldn't remember shit? Definitely.

Only her plan had somehow gone off course. She hadn't been looking for anything other than a steady stream of JD and coke. After all, she'd only gone there to drink herself into a coma, again, to maybe forget about Kaidan for a while. She certainly hadn't been looking for a one night stand.

And that plan had worked quite nicely until she'd thought of the asshole and gotten pissed all over again. And then there had been Mister "Hey-look-at-my-magnificent-chest" sitting all alone and… well… she just wanted to forget. Forget who she was, forget what she was… forget why she was…

Who the hell knew how the universe worked. It was a mystery she didn't have a change in hell of understanding. She'd been there… A certain too-sexy-for-his-own-good drell had been there… and she could truthfully say she hadn't really thought about Alenko since that night. She'd forgotten him alright…

What she had thought about, a lot, was the deadly drell sex god currently nuzzling her neck again. Her ten minutes of snooze time was up, and she knew she had to get up and start the day. This would be their last full day on Illium and she was going to give the crew twenty-four hours of shore leave. She'd concluded most of the business she had in Nos Astra, only a few loose ends to tie up and supplies to get before they headed out again.

With considerable maneuvering and bed creaking and the shifting of covers, she managed to turn over on the small bed and snuggle closer, her face pressed into his neck, the smell of warm sandalwood and spice making her want to nibble on the delicate frills of flesh there. Just one little nibble wouldn't hurt…

"You will need to hit snooze many more times if you keep that up, Commander," that dark throaty voice that always managed to send shivers down her spine, rumbled.

It wasn't fair to him or herself to start something she couldn't finish, and at least for now, she had to be Commander Shepard and get her rear in gear. The sooner she was through here, the sooner she could move on to the next part of their mission.

But oh, it was so warm and she didn't want to get up. It would be so easy to just relax and drift back off to… sexy drell land…

She groaned in protest, but managed to extricate herself from warm arms, tangled legs and tangled sheets. She'd slept in her workout shorts and sports bra, so there were no clothes strewn about to gather.

"Garrus and I are heading back into Nos Astra today to finish up a few things and get supplies. Would you like to come? We could have lunch somewhere," she asked as she piled her hair on top of her head and secured it with a clip. She purposely kept her eyes on the drive core, her back to him as she spoke. The picture he presented, all warm naked maleness with the sheets pushed down low over his hips was entirely too appealing.

"I would welcome any chance to spend time with you, Shepard," he replied honestly as he pushed up onto one elbow, rubbing the back of his stiff neck with his other hand. He was going to need a bigger bed it they kept this up, he thought before he caught himself. _Don't get ahead of yourself. Don't make more of this than it is…_

She couldn't hide the silly smile his words brought to her lips as she turned around to leave, a warm feeling beginning to spread throughout her heart.

"Um…ok… Meet me at the airlock at 0830, then," she replied, the smile still there, before turning to head for the door.

"Shepard," he called out before she had even taken two steps. She stopped and turned as the squeaking of the bed echoed in the small room.

Her breath caught in her throat at the sight. Uncaring of his nakedness, Thane rose from the bed and walked toward her. Wide shoulders tapered to slim hips and heavily muscled thighs. The scales on his broad chest and sculpted abs shimmered in the blue of the drive core, turning iridescent bluegreen and black. Mesmerizing, hypnotic, darker stripes seemed to move and shift over his body, those on his chest and abdomen trailing downward, narrowing to fade away as they approached the ribbons of pale red flesh that covered his groin. Erect and proud, his drellhood rose, longer and thicker than most humans, his desire for her evident in the ever so slight throb that pulsed along his length.

Coming to stand before her, the universe stood still as he gazed into her eyes, his dark gaze seeming to pierce into the deepest part of her soul. Slowly, gently, his hands came up to cradle her face before placing the briefest of kisses on her lips, his own merely ghosting across hers. For such a simple act, the intensity of the kiss took her by surprise. Her eyes closed and she leaned in, wanting more.

_Oh holy hell, Illium could wait till another day. She was going to drag him back to bed and…_

She was just about to grab his hips when she squealed, actually squealed as he suddenly took her by the shoulders and turned her back around facing the door. Hands none to gently pushed her towards it and a four-fingered palm connected smartly with her ass, the sound loud and sharp.

"I would love nothing more than to worship your body, Commander. A few moments stolen now, however, would not be nearly enough time to venerate you as I long to."

Her mind flew back to the Citadel and their night together and his incredible sexual endurance. Drell males could have multiple orgasms, could keep going for hours, could make a woman scream and beg and cum… and pray for more…

_Oh yea, being with Thane was definitely like a religious experience_. "Worship services will be held this evening, after dinner, in my quarters," she managed to reply as she began walking to the door, her hips swaying just a little suggestively, hoping her voice sounded sultry, hot… and not… stupid.

After she left, Thane walked across the hall and took a long, very cold shower. Back in Life Support, he went through his admittedly meager wardrobe and pulled out his only other pair of clean leather pants and matching vest and jacket. He hadn't had lunch with a woman in… well, since he'd been married to Irikah. And now he almost felt like a teenager, going on his first date… What madness had he gotten himself into?

Upstairs, in her quarters, Shepard took a long, very cold shower. It was only afterwards, on her way down to meet Thane and Garrus, that she realized she'd actually taken the time to do something with her hair, and that she'd used makeup. Oh sweet Jesus, the insanity was starting…


	13. Chapter 13

The talk with Liara about how Shepard's body was recovered has always interested me. This is my take on how my Shepard would have felt to learn the details. Not exactly sure if I like this chapter, but it pretty much wrote itself, and my fingers were controlled by some outside force that just typed and typed and typed…

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed my work so far, to everyone who has marked this story as a favorite, to everyone who has put this on story alert, and to everyone who takes the time to read my ramblings.

Standard Disclaimer – Bioware owns everything, including my soul…

~^*^ME2^*^~

Mother of God, what did the Collectors want with her body? She couldn't get Liara's words out of her mind. The asari had gotten her body from the Shadow Broker who had been going to give it to the Collectors…

Thankfully she'd eaten lunch before going to see Liara. Her stomach rolled and lurched as she considered what she'd learned. Maybe food hadn't been such a good idea after all, even though she'd had a wonderful time with Thane and Garrus.

Now, back in her quarters, things buzzed and scampered around in her head. Her skin crawled and she alternated between being cold and so hot she felt like she was on fire. The Collectors had killed her, they had wanted her body, they were now abducting human colonist… No… She took down a Reaper. The Collectors were working for the Reapers. Then the Collectors killed her, tried to retrieve her body, and when that failed, began abducting humans. Lots of humans.

But why? Why were they doing it? Were they trying to get her attention? But no, that didn't make sense. Why had they wanted her body? And then Wilson had sold them out on the Cerberus facility. Evidently he'd been planning on her being killed during the Mech attacks, was probably going to deliver her body to someone. Maybe even the Shadow Broker.

Thoughts flew through her mind, each one more question than answer. The Reapers had been at this for millions of years, the Protheans hadn't been the first race to be extinguished, they had just been the last ones in a long line of genocides.

A migraine was beginning to gain strength behind her eye, so she dimmed the lights and poured herself a few fingers of JD, neat.

They'd managed to stop Sovereign from activating the Citadel Relay which would have allowed the Reaper fleet to jump from deep space directly to the center of galactic civilization. So, had another Reaper vanguard sought the Collectors after the Battle of the Citadel, or, as Vigil had alluded to on Ilos, had the Reapers been working behind the scenes for some time now, recruiting, indoctrinating, planning? The Collectors had attacked her ship not more than two months after taking down Sovereign. And, the Collectors had been around for a long time, long enough to be considered a myth by most people.

Had they been working with the Reapers all along?

But why the hell did they want her body? The images of the husk from Eden Prime and Horizon assaulted her memory. Mindless creatures transformed by some kind of Reaper technology… Had the Collectors wanted to make her into one? But wouldn't she have had to be alive for that? Once again her lunch tried to escape and she made a mad dash for the bathroom.

Sitting in Life Support, Thane contemplated the events of the day. He had enjoyed the day, he had to admit. Even if he did have to share Shepard with the turian. She'd had several small mission ends to tie up as well as a few small things that cropped up as they made their way through Nos Astra's merchant district.

He'd seen her in action. A deadly killing machine in motion, she lived up to every tale he'd ever heard about her. He'd seen the ruthless soldier who meted out justice without blinking an eye. He remembered her plowing through Nassana's mecs and commando units on her race up Dantius Towers to recruit him. On their mission to recruit the Justicar, she'd calmly put a bullet between the young asari Commando's eyes, not fooled at all by the innocent act.

But he'd also knew she didn't just kill indiscriminately. Even when someone was a criminal, that wasn't justification in Shepard's book to take his or her life. In their search of the Eclipse Hideout for information on an asari the mercenary group had helped get off world, a condition of the asari Justicar's joining Shepard's mission, they ran across the volus, Niftu Cal, an employee of a local drug smuggler, Pitne For. The volus was high as a kite on Minigen X3 and red sand, thought he was a biotic god. He'd been about to charge into the hideout headquarters and confront the Eclipse leader, Capt. Wassea. Shepard had calmly reached out and tipped the roly-poly volus over. It had been somewhat comical.

Niftu Cal had been more than a little surprised to find he wasn't a biotic god, wasn't a mighty wind. He'd then just kinda wandered off, mumbling to himself about a nap.

He'd found there were many different sides to his new Commander. The leader, the soldier, the protector, the woman…

Everywhere she went in Nos Astra, someone wanted to talk to her. The asari who had a message from a Rachni Queen, of all things. Shepard had spared the Rachni Queen on Novaria during her hunt for Saren. There was a promise of help when the Reapers returned. He couldn't even wrap his mind around that one. The Rachni were supposed to be extinct. They'd fought a bloody war over a thousand years ago and been slaughtered by Krogan armies. And Shepard had spared a queen, who was breeding and raising another army, an arm she'd promised to Shepard…

Shiala, an asari from Zhu's Hope on Feros that Shepard had saved from the Thorian, an ancient plant being that enthralled people, controlling their thoughts and actions using some kind of mind control spores. After killing the Thorian, the asari had been released from its mind control. Although she had worked for Matriarch Benezia, a follower of Saren, Shepard had allowed Shiala to go free. Somehow she'd seen the good in the asari. She had gut instincts about people that bordered on the mystical. Shiala was in Nos Astra now to intercede for the citizens of Zhu's Hope caught up in the strings attached to a medical contract they'd signed with Baria Frontiers. The colonists had inadvertently given permission for the company to perform invasive, potentially harmful medical tests on them. She asks Shepard to negotiate with the company representative to change the terms of the contract.

In the course of the negotiations, Shepard had almost instinctively recognized the representative's anger at all other species as a cover up for the real issues – the loss of her family. Instead of bullying her to change the contract, Shepard had compassionately asked the asari about her family, sympathy for the loss clearly evident in the way she spoke and interacted with the representative. In the end, the asari had agreed to cancel the colonist contract and help with their medical problems, free of charge.

When they returned to Shiala with the news, she had been more than grateful. He'd wondered if Shepard even realized that the asari was interested in her as more than a friend?

Not that he didn't understand the attraction. The Commander was… extraordinary, exceptional, _ a true Siha…_

In the morning, they'd shopped the markets for armor and weapon upgrades. She'd haggled with merchants and spent funds wisely. Well, mostly wisely. The woman definitely had a fascination with model ships. He'd noticed her collection the first night he'd visited her in her quarters.

Then, they'd shopped for groceries for the ship's cook. She ordered all kinds of food items to be delivered to the ship. Turian, human, salarian, asari, drell… She'd pulled him down the aisle that boasted an extensive selection of drell cuisine and made sure he picked out whatever fresh fruits and vegetables he wanted Gardner to cook with. When he'd requested a particular kind of tea, she hadn't hesitated to ask the store manager if they had it. She'd bought a case…

And then they'd gone to lunch. Instead of going to a restaurant, she'd purchased take-out at the deli counter of the supermarket and they'd taken their meals out to a local park. Crossing the street, she'd lead them to a small public area that boasted grass, shade trees, picnic tables and a small fountain. Seated on the grass in the shade of a Ukami tree, she'd teased Garrus about his Palavian stir-fry.

Seated at the table in Life Support, he slipped deeper into his memories of the day…

"Is it supposed to try and crawl out of the box like that?" she'd asked, using something called chopsticks to pick up a 'shrimp' and shove it into her mouth. She hadn't been able to keep the grin off her lips and her eyes had sparkled with mischief when she looked up and caught him looking at her.

"Only if it's really _fresh_," Garrus had replied, using some turian eating utensil that resembled a spear. Stabbing a wriggling, fuzzy mass of dark blue meat? Vegetables? Fruit? Hell, he didn't have a clue what that particular turian delight was, and he used the term 'delight' loosely. Garrus had almost purred as he chomped away, washing it down with a long drink of a pale green beverage.

"How about your bottom feeding crustacean surprise, Commander? Anything like you had on earth?" Garrus asked, grinning as he continued stabbing and chewing his Palavian Nolver Delight.

"Nothing will ever be as good as Ling's Chinese Take-out, but this isn't bad. How about your… exactly what is that, Thane?" she asked, looking over and pointing her chopsticks at his container of vegetables and fish.

"It is a simple dish most drell enjoy, developed to take advantage of the abundant aquatic resources on the hanar home world. It is sea vegetables and fish that have been marinated in a sea brine bath and then smoked on Bataya leaves over an open fire."

"Trust the drell to have fancy hanar _cuisine_, while you and I eat out species version of fast-food," Garrus quipped, polishing off the last bite of wriggly blue thing, followed by the rest of his drink.

"Garrus, remember that hanar evangelist on the Citadel who was trying to preach in the Presidium?"

"I remember that you paid what? One hundred fifty credits? to get him a license so the C-Sec officer wouldn't kick him out."

"Yeah. He was so grateful and polite, too. It's kind of hard to understand them when they're always referring to themselves as 'this one'. Hey Thane, The drell live on the hanar home world, don't they?" Shepard asked, continuing to pick at her food, although her eyes kept finding his, sparkling, happy... They had shared their bodies, many times, but this was the first time they were actually talking about their lives outside the mission.

"Yes. I know many think the hanar difficult to understand. It's just that they're very formal with those they don't know. We know them quite well. If you ever get close enough to the hanar that they tell you their Soul Name, you would find them warm."

"We met a few hanar on our travels when we were hunting Saren. Very polite, but also distant. Definitely not warm, at least to us. And I though the hanar only let very close friend know their soul name."

"Most of my commissions were for hanar. I grew close to my regular contacts. Soul names tend to be poetic. A hanar known for its cynicism might take a name that means "Illuminates the Folly of the Dancers."

"Hanar also talk using bioluminescence. That's more of an obstacle than their politeness," Garrus contributed to the conversation, explaining that when he'd worked with C-Sec, he'd had occasion to interact with many species and had taken several classes on cross species communications.

"True. Many drell have had their eyes genetically modified to perceive their higher frequency flashes. I had the treatment. I can't tell the difference between a dark red and black, but I can see ultraviolet light as a silver color."

"Commander, if you don't mind, I have some shopping I'd like to do. If you don't need me for anything else, I think I'll see you back on the ship this afternoon," Garrus interrupted, already gathering his trash together.

"That's fine Garrus. I just have a few other things to do before heading over to see Liara. I'll see you this afternoon. And thanks for having lunch with me. It was fun." She watched him walk away and then suddenly called out, "Tell Kelly I said HI!"

He could tell by the way the turian stopped mid stride, but refused to look back at them, that Shepard had hit a nerve.

"He claims they're just friends, but I bet she's told him her '_soul name_'," she'd chuckled before taking another sip of her soda.

"Kelly? As in Yeoman Chambers?" he asked, more than a little surprised at the Cerberus operatives name being connected with the turian.

"They're just friends who enjoy the same music he claims. And that may be true, but I get the feeling Kelly likes _all kinds_ of music, if you get my drift."

"I have observed that she is very happy to assist everyone on the Normandy, including the non-human crew members."

"Yes, she can be somewhat enthusiastic about her job," she laughed, before adding, eyes narrowing just a bit. "Just how happy has she been to assist you?"

He'd smirked, regarding her for a moment before turning his attention to gathering his now empty food containers. "No more than with any other crew member, I would imagine," he replied calmly, before adding, "And how happy is she to assist you, Commander?" One raised eye ridge in her direction was enough to get her to laugh.

"You have a slightly warped sense of humor, Thane. I think you're gonna fit right in with my merry band of misfits and mavericks." She was silent for a while and they just sat enjoying the open space and people watched.

Pretty soon they were talking about Illium and he'd told her about a few of the places he'd visited in the two years he'd lived here. She told him about some of the planets she'd visited during her time in the Alliance. There were a few they had in common and they both laughed talking about what a shit-hole Omega was.

"Can I ask you something?" she inquired, moving to sit on a park bench next to where they'd had their lunch.

"You may ask me anything, Shepard," he'd replied, getting up to sit beside her.

"The other day, when you assassinated Nasana, when you 'pray for the wicked' who exactly are you praying to?"

"That depends on the circumstance. To find my target, I speak with Amonkira, Lord of Hunters. When I act to defend another - Arashu, Goddess of Motherhood and Protection. And when I have taken my target, I speak with Kalahira, Goddess of Oceans and the Afterlife."

"I didn't know that drell had many gods."

"It's one of our older beliefs. Many embrace the hanar Enkindlers now, or the asari philosophies. The old ways are dying. There are so many ways to interpret one's place in the universe. Who needs the wisdom of our ancestors? The younger generations don't believe they can help us fathom genetic engineering, orbital strikes, or alien races."

"Oceans and afterlife don't seem to have much in common."

"Consider. The ocean is full of life. Yet, it is not life as you and I know it. To survive there, we must release out hold on land. Accept a new way to live. So it is with the death. The soul must accept its departure from the body. If it can't, it will be lost."

"Or… along comes Dr. Frankenstein with too much money and time and builds your soul a newer, better body. Then suddenly you wake up and wonder what the hell just happened…" She stood suddenly, the mood broken, and went to place their trash in an automated waste receptacle. "Look, I have a few things to do. I'll see you back on the Normandy later."

Of their own accord, his hands were on her shoulders, and he pressed his body against her back. "Are you ok, Shepard?" he'd asked.

He'd dropped his hands when she turned around and smiled up at him, though her smile was a little wistful. "I'm fine, really. Just thinking a little too much. I should stop that." He hadn't believed her, but realized that like himself, there were some things she wouldn't talk about until she was ready.

"If you are sure, then I will conduct some personal business. I look forward to spending more time with you in the future." With that, he'd taken her hands in his. "I enjoyed out talk. Perhaps we can continue later."

"I'd like that, Thane," she replied, finally giving him a real smile, one that reached her eyes, as she squeezed his hands before turning and making her way out into the Nos Astra afternoon.

~^o^0^o^~

"Mr. Krios, Officer Vakarian request that you join him in the Commander quarters," EDI' placid artificial voice interrupted his memories. "He request that you hurry."

"Is something wrong?" He didn't take time to change back into his leathers. After returning to the ship, he'd changed into a pair of comfortable grey sweats and a black t-shirt before attempting to meditate. As was the case lately, though, he'd slipped into memories of the woman who currently occupied most of his thoughts.

"Officer Vakarian did not specify. He simply requested that you come to the Commander's quarters and that you hurry."

In the elevator he touched the screen and selected Shepard's quarters.

"Spirits Becca," Garrus was saying softly as he entered. "What the hell are you doing?" From the landing, he could see an opened bottle of whiskey sitting on the bedside table, a tumbler on the floor. Walking further into the room, Shepard was curled up in a tight ball on the bed, staring at the wall, and Garrus was sitting on the other side of the bed, a small pill bottle clutched in his talons. The cabin lights had been turned very low, the main source of lighting coming from the illuminated fish tank.

She'd changed out of her armor into sweats, her hair, normally secured tightly at the nape of her neck, spread out over her shoulders, partially falling over her face.

"What happened?" Thane asked, moving to take the pill bottle from Garrus, inspecting the contents before placing it in the pocket of his sweats. He wondered how much she'd drank, if she'd washed the pills down with it? Walking back around the bed he sat down beside the Commander and began smoothing her hair back behind her ear.

Garrus watched the display with undisguised curiosity. "I don't have any idea. I came up to ask how her meeting with Liara went and she was like this," he motioned to the bed. "Look, I know you two are… well I don't know what you two are, but she seems to trust you. I thought maybe you could sit with her while I contact Liara and find out just what happened today."

The Commander was shivering, and Thane grabbed a throw from the foot of the bed and spread it over her. She had the same look in her eyes from the first night she slept in his quarters. Another migraine… He resumed stroking her hair, his fingers gently massaging her scalp.

"The Collectors…" she whispered, almost too softly to be heard, still staring at nothing, at something they couldn't see. "The Shadow Broker was going to sell my corpse to them…"

"The Collectors were looking for your body after you died?" Garrus asked, standing suddenly, mandibles flaring wide in surprise. Thane could almost see the wheels beginning to turn in the turian's head as he processed this new information.

Thane, too, was analyzing the importance of this news, but he knew he lacked sufficient background to put all the pieces together, such as why this had caused Shepard to completely shut down.

"You destroyed Sovereign," Garrus began, thinking out loud, beginning to pass in the small space. "The Collectors destroyed the Normandy. The Shadow Broker recovered your body and was going to sell it to them, but Cerberus got it first-"

"Liara… she took me from the Shadow Broker, gave me to Cerberus." She closed her eyes and turned her face into the mattress. Thane moved his fingers to press at points along the back of her neck.

"So if they couldn't have you, they began taking humans. Whole colonies of humans. Vanishing without a trace…"

"They're working for the Reapers. Sovereign indoctrinated Saren…" she mumbled into the mattress before turning her head back to the side.

"But you were dead, Commander. What would the Reapers want with your… You think they were going to do the same thing Cerberus did, only with Reaper technology?"

"The Husk come from Reaper Technology," she whispered, closing her eyes, her face grimacing.

"Husk?" Thane inquired.

"Humans that have been turned into mindless synthetic zombies," Garrus supplied, still pacing about the room. He finally stopped and looked at his Commander, his best friend, the woman he'd followed into hell and back, the woman he'd promised to follow into hell, again. He couldn't imagine what was going through her head right now. With all the weight she carried on her shoulders… coming back from the dead couldn't be easy for her, especially after Horizon and Kaidan turning on her. There was only so much a spirit could take…

She'd been close to Alenko, close and happy… well as happy as she could be with everything that had been going on during the race to stop Saren, the Geth, and Sovereign. Then she'd given her life defending the galaxy and all the plans she'd made had died… How did you come back to everything you'd planed and dreamed about just… just gone…

Now she knew some of what had happened after she died. He shuddered thinking about the Reapers getting their hands on her body. What would they have done with it? A chill crept deep inside his bones when he remembered what Saren had become through indoctrination, when he remembered the husk of Horizon, when he remembered the absolute corruption of power that was Sovereign…

That was where the Commander's mind was, he knew. She was in 'what if' land, a dangerous place for someone who'd been through what she had.

"Becca," he said, finally stopping his pacing and sitting at the foot of the bed. "It didn't happen. They didn't get you. You're here, with us."

"I know. It's just… something's not right. I feel it. Even as bad as the colonist abductions are, whatever we're racing toward is worse, much worse. I can't describe it, I don't know what it is, I just know something's really really wrong with this whole picture…" She closed her eyes and pushed against the right one with the heel of her hand.

"How much did you drink with the pills, Shepard?" Thane interrupted, softly, continuing to run his fingers through her hair, pressing on certain points along her scalp and neck. He'd actually used the same meds before, for his own headaches, and knew they shouldn't be mixed with alcohol. But then a lot of things shouldn't be mixed with alcohol… or maybe they should… He flashed back to a night on the Citadel and smirked to himself at that thought…

"Just a few fingers…" she replied, a pleasant warmth beginning to flow through her as his hand continued to sooth and press against her skull. Her eyes felt so heavy and even the anxiety caused by her talk with Liara couldn't keep her mind from seeking oblivion, escape from the throbbing in her head.

"What's that you're doing?" Garrus asked, motioning to where Thane continued to apply pressure to the Commander's head and neck.

"It is a pain management technique I learned. Shepard's migraines seem to respond positively to this form of acupressure."

"Ah, so you've done this before," he stated. He knew he'd been right to summons the drell. It seemed he'd managed to push past some of the barriers Becca had erected around herself, especially after the way Alenko had betrayed her.

"Yes," he replied, offering no other explanation. She was finally resting better, the pinched look had left her face and her breathing wasn't as shallow.

"Officer Vakarian, if you have something else to do, I will stay with Shepard for a while. I believe she will be out the rest of the evening, although she might benefit from a light meal later."

"Look, just call me Garrus. I'm not with C-Sec anymore. And yes, that will work. If you get a chance, stop by the Forward Battery later on." He wasn't quite sure what place the drell held in the Commander's life, but he was just enough of a 'big brother' to find out. Whether she liked it or not.

"I look forward to chatting with you Offi… Garrus," he replied, his gaze open and direct. Whatever the turian wanted to say, he was up to dealing with it. He sensed that even though Shepard and the turian were not involved in any romantic way, they still shared a deep emotional bond that crossed the line between commander and soldier.

"I'll have Gardner send up something light around 1800 hours. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich – that's one of Becca's favorite meals. She calls it her comfort food." He got up to leave and was at the landing when he turned around and said, "Call me if you need anything, if she needs anything…" He paused, not quite knowing how to say what he felt needed to be said, but decided to just come out with it. "She trusts you, Krios. Don't do anything to change that." Turning he left the room and headed down to the crew quarters.

After the turian left, Thane considered his parting words while gazing down at the woman sleeping beside him. _Trust…_ Their trust was tremulous at best. They were still getting to know each other, still figuring out exactly what this was between them. But whatever it was, he knew he hadn't felt anything like this about anyone in a long time, not since his wife had been alive.

Getting up he proceeded to put the bottle of liquor away and wash the glass tumbler, placing it in the cabinet he knew she kept them in. He stopped at her desk and studied the models hanging over it. She had several, from a model of the Normandy SR2 to a Geth ship. Just today she'd purchased an Alliance Cruises, a UT-47 Kodiak Drop Shuttle, and an Athabasca Class Freighter. Definitely a space soldier. No clothes, shoes, or purses… _Irika had loved to shop… That's one of the reason's he taken up freelancing again after they married. She'd loved to spend money, and he'd never been able to deny her anything…_

Below the models were her private computer terminals and a few scattered datapads. Shoved into the corner was the overturned picture frame he'd noticed a few nights ago, that first night onboard the ship when he'd come to talk to her about this mission he'd committed himself to.

He picked the frame up and turned it over. A dark haired human male smiled back at him. Immediately his gaze narrowed and he had to fight the urge to put his fist through the frame.

It wasn't hard to deduce that this man had hurt her. Yet, despite whatever he'd done, she still cared for him. She'd turned his picture over because it hurt to look at him. She'd kept it, because he still meant something to her. He wasn't above asking the turian who the human was. Knowledge was power, as they said. Putting the frame back the way he found it, he turned his attention to the few books she had displayed on the small bookcase behind her desk. Most were devoted to war strategy, but one in particular caught his eye. "The Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child. Clearly an antique, the book was much used as evidenced by the faded pages and spill marks throughout. More information about the woman he filed away in his perfect memory.

When he heard her move on the bed, a small moan escaping on a sigh of breath, he returned to the bed and crawled up beside her, pulling her body tight against his and pillowing her head on his shoulder. Arranging the throw to cover both of them, he once again began applying acupressure touch to her scalp and the back of her neck. When she relaxed completely, unconsciously throwing a leg over his thighs, he allowed himself to relax, too. In no time he was drifting in the embrace of warm currents, sleep like he hadn't known in over ten years carrying he toward storm colored eyes and golden hair… toward a new destiny he'd never considered while in his battlesleep… towards atonement…

**A/N** As always, thank you for reading. I really want to know what you think of my story and would love it if you would take the time to leave a review. All reviews, whether good or bad are always appreciated.


	14. Chapter 14

Standard Bioware disclaimer: yadda, yadda, yadda…

Just a little smut first, because I can….

**A/N** Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and signed up for story alerts. The response has been so much more than I ever hoped for. I am truly humbled and thankful to have such wonderful readers.

Also, did you know it's kinda hard to type when you have a fat cat lying across your arm every time you sit down at the computer? But he's so sweet and purrs so much I hate to move him!

~^~ME2~^~

Thane groaned as the foggy currents of the dream ebbed and flowed around his body. Sensations overloaded his brain, his heart rate accelerated, and his breaths shuttered as more and more he felt himself approaching the sun, ready to explode. He struggled to climb above the fog, to clear his head, to…

His eyes snapped open when he felt something warm, wet, and oh so hot envelope his cock. For the life of him, there was no way he could move. All he could do was fist the sheets and dig his heels into the mattress as those lips moved up and down his already rock hard length.

A way too talented tongue snaked its way around the tip, running down the sensitive underside to swirl and tease his testicles. Of their own accord, his hands fisted in hair the color or gold as she sucked first one, then the other into her warm wet mouth, that tongue roving, licking, lips sucking, kissing…

Becca knew when he finally came awake, knew when his control began to unravel. No longer content to just lie there, he fisted her hair and began moving his hips to shove his cock deeper and deeper into her throat. Moving to lie between his thighs she fisted his considerable girth in her hand and began pumping in conjunction with taking as much of his length down her throat as she could.

Coming up for air and tilting her head to face him, she let the tip hover at her lips, her tongue flicking, teasing, lips giving the barest of kisses as she finally raised her eyes to his and said, "Good morning, handsome." Smiling wickedly, she dropped her mouth back down and managed to take almost all of him, flexing her throat muscles to constrict and ripple, drawing a strangled moan that seemed to come from the depths of his being.

_Sihaaaaaaaaa_… He almost cried out. A kaleidoscope of colors danced behind his closed eyelids and his whole existence narrowed down to the feel of her mouth and hands on his cock. Time stopped as his siha made love to his cock, pumping, licking, nipping, sucking, kissing…

Something snapped, and almost savagely he grabbed her head and began plunging himself into her tight warmth. Her hands were gripping his hips, fingers digging into his scales as he continued to drive his hips up, over and over again.

Somewhere, a part of his brain told him to stop, that this was no way to treat her, that she deserved better than the animal he was acting like. The other more primal part of his brain growled and refused to concede, especially when he felt his balls tighten. Nothing and no one mattered except this; his cock, her mouth, and the white hot heat racing through his blood as he plowed his cock deep into her tight throat. He felt skilled fingers caressing his balls and in a split second he was cuming, his seed jetting down the back of her throat as his cock erupted in her mouth. His whole body shook and breathing was impossible as he howled with the force of a release that seemed to go on and on forever.

Head thrown back he struggled for breath as he forced his eyes open. Above him the Illium dawn was just breaking, visible through the skylight. As sanity returned he became aware of the feel of silk draped across his stomach and hips. Soft lips slowly withdrew from his prick, a warm tongue flicking out to trace the underside to the tip as she slowly raised her head to look him in the eye.

Thane knew he was damned. He'd known that for many years. He thought that at least through prayer and meditation he'd achieved some measure of control over his body, some small measure of control over the desires of the flesh… Looking at the picture poised before him he knew that to all be a lie.

Eyes darkened with desire to the color of a storm tossed sky, tawny gold hair spilling wildly over her shoulders and caressing the tops of his thight, Shepard was a dream come to life, an all consuming need he couldn't live without. Looking at him like a predator would its next tasty meal, she glanced down and then swiped her finger over the head of his dick, collecting a residual drop of his cum before sticking said finger in her mouth and sucking his seed down, all the while a crazy smile growing on her full lips, eyes locked on his, sparkling in anticipation.

He was damned and he didn't care as he moved with lightening speed and deadly purpose to flip her onto her back, his hips coming to rest between her thighs, his cock slamming home in one desperate push. Gods she was so wet, hot, and tight… It didn't help that she orgasmed almost immediately, the walls of her sex clamping down like a vice grip on his cock.

Again and again he brought her to completion, her screams absorbed into himself as he feasted on her lips, their breaths as one. Bracing himself on one hand beside her head, he let the other slide between their straining bodies and strummed her clit. Ever time she came, her cunt milking his cock, he strained to keep himself from going over the edge with her. But when she screamed his name, coming so hard she arched off the bed, fingers digging through scale to leave marks on his back, he released control and followed her over the edge into oblivion.

Unable to do little more than collapse, he managed to spoon her against his chest, using his toes to hook the spread and pull it up where he could reach it with his hand to spread over them. He smiled when she grabbed his hand in hers and kissed it before her breathing evened out and she fell back to sleep. He followed into a dreamless slumber, the smile still on his lips as the sky outside the ship brightened into day…

Shepard eased out from under the sleeping drell's arm and stumbled to the bathroom. Holy mother of God she was sore, her skin was chaffed, and everything still sparkled, but what a way to start the day…

In the shower, she switched on the cold water, just to wake up. Sputtering and shivering she emerged from the bathroom in just a towel to find Thane still sleeping, his face relaxed and peaceful as she moved silently around the room dressing. Keeping the lights dimmed, she quietly dressed in her usual ship uniform of a light t-shirt, jumpsuit and boots.

With a lingering glance, she left her quarters and proceeded down to the CIC. The drell was trouble with a capital T. In fact he was big trouble… How could she be so attached to him in so little time? She'd traveled with Kaidan for months before even entertaining the idea of a 'them'. Thane had been in her life for only days and it was like he was already a special part of her… She shook her head at the madness of the whole situation…

On the elevator ride down, she had to remind herself that it was time to be Commander Shepard. She knew she'd lost it the day before, that Liara's revelations about what had happened with her body after the attack on the first Normandy had really thrown her for a loop. But then hell, she wasn't superwoman. She was human, despite what everyone around her thought, despite what they expected…

It was just too much of a coincidence that the Collectors had been trying to recover her body. Too much of a coincidence that they were now abducting entire human colonies, colonies where every last man, woman, and child were taken and never seen again. She shook her head to clear the unwanted images of collectors and husk from her brain.

_Get it together, Becca. If you don't want those images to become your reality, you better find a way to prevent it. If that happens, it won't be just you the Reapers unleash hell on, it will be everyone you care about… Garrus, Grunt, Mordin, Joker… Thane_… A shudder passed through her body as the doors of the elevator opened on the CIC deck.

She had EDI gather the official XO, Miranda, and her real XO, Garrus, for a pre-departure meeting in the Communications Room.

"Commander, all crew members have returned from shore leave and all the supplies you order have been delivered and stored," Miranda curtly informed her the minute she walked through the door. Always efficient, Miranda had the day to day running of the Normandy down to a science. Shepard was sure she'd thrown the woman's entire day off by sleeping in, even if it was for just an hour. Even though she'd managed to help save Miranda's sister from being returned to their controlling father, Miranda still seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. As always, Garrus stood off to the side and waited for her to finish with the Cerberus woman before getting down to the real business with him.

Oh well, the Cerberus Operative was still exceptionally handy to have on the crew. She was meticulous about reports and the everyday business of making sure the Normandy ran smoothly, something Shepard was very grateful for. Grateful enough to put up with the woman's seemingly unlimited opinion of herself.

"Thank you Miranda. If you haven't forwarded the financial reports to Cerberus headquarters, then please send them today. I'll need a full workup on any new technology we managed to pickup on those recruitment missions, as well as an impact statement associated with each new recruits special talents and powers. I've already asked Samara to begin a training regime for all crew members with biotic powers. I want us learning from and teaching each other-"

She was immediately interrupted by the brunette. "My skills are top notch Shepard. I don't need any training-"

"We'll all need to be the best we can be when we hit the collectors," she interrupted right back, the steel in her voice immediately silencing the other woman. "Self pride doesn't have any place in this mission. We are a team. We live as a team. We train as a team. We fight as a team. You may be 'top notch' at your specialties, but there are still things you can learn. Samara has been fighting for longer than the three of us in this room have been alive. She knows things, things that just may help us defeat the collectors. I'd be a very poor leader, and an even poorer commander if I didn't at least take every opportunity to training my people, give them a fighting chance against our enemy.

"Why are you here, Miranda?" Shepard suddenly asked, a knowing look in her eyes.

"Because humanity needs us, Commander. That's why the Illusive Man brought you back. Humans are being-"

"Stop," Shepard said, holding up a hand and effectively cutting the other woman's diatribe off. "When you think about the whole galaxy and everyone that's affected or will be affected if the Reaper's return, who's the one person in all this hell that you'd give anything to save? Do anything to save?"

"I don't see what this has to do with anything, Commander. It's humanity that we're saving. Human lives are being-"

"So, Oriana is just another face in the sea of humans that stretch across the galaxy," the Commander said, eyes looking for any crack in the brunette's glossy exterior.

"I… She…" Miranda, always so sure of her beliefs and her motivations, seemed to falter.

"When it's personal, you try a little harder, train a little more, want the best people you can get on your team. That's why we'll train, train some more, and work on training each other, so that when the time comes, we are the best we can be. Not for humanity, although that is a major part. You saw the husk, Miranda. Don't let Oriana become one because you thought you were too good to accept training from an asari, from an alien. In the end, it won't matter if you're human or alien. The Reaper's won't care."

Motioning for Garrus to accompany her, Shepard left the communications room and headed to the main battery. For once, Miranda seemed lost in thought.

"You were pretty hard on her Commander," Garrus said as the door to the main battery closed behind them. Inside this room they were free to talk as they wanted. Shepard was comfortable that she'd had all the Cerberus listening devises effectively removed. That had been one of the first things she'd had Mordin do when he came on board. In one of their first conversations, he'd mentioned 'debugging' his own work space, and she'd cajoled him into doing hers and Garrus's quarters. Not that they hadn't already made sweeps on their own. She just wanted to make sure there were places onboard where she'd feel safe discussing things in private.

"Miranda needs to be just as committed to this as the rest of us. And I'm a little tired of the whole 'for the sake of humanity' spiel she's always spouting. Shit Garrus, this is bigger than humanity. It might have started with us, but if the Reapers come, they won't stop until all sentient life is extinguished."

"I know, and that's what scares me. I've still got family on Palavian. You know I don't get along with my father, but that doesn't mean I want the Reaper's to get him. And then there's my mother, sister, and lots of aunts, uncles, cousins… we're a big family," he finished, moving to sit on their usual crate just inside the door.

"So, Commander, you wanted to talk to me about something?" he asked, looking up to where she'd wandered over to the Thanix Cannon controls.

"I'm going to ask you and Thane to oversee some training classes, too. You'll be in charge of weapons, and Thane will be in charge of hand-to-hand combat. You're both obviously good at both, so I just decided to break the workload up between you.'

"OK, not surprising and certainly not something you wouldn't have cared about mentioning in front of Miranda. Come on Shepard, what's really on your mind?"

"I just… just wanted to apologize for loosing it yesterday." She looked over to where he still sat on the crate watching her intently. "It just really unnerved me. Made me begin thinking of all the 'what ifs' that could have occurred."

"I kinda figured that out. I knew it had to be something really twisted to get you so worked up. You didn't even fall apart this much when we had to leave Ashley behind on Virmire. And I know how much that tore you up inside."

"Yeah…" she replied, finally going to sit beside him on the crate. Pulling her knees up, she wrapped her arms around her legs and put her head on her knees. "I also wanted to thank you for getting Thane to come up."

"I don't really know the guy, Becca, and I don't know what's going on between you two, but seeing you together yesterday… There's something there and for some reason, you trust him. I'm just glad he was able to help you with your migraine. I know you've had episodes before where nothing short of Chakwas knocking you out with pain meds helped."

"Oh God Garrus, he does this thing with his fingers-"

"I don't want the details of your sex life, Commander!" he squawked, head rearing back, mandibles splaying wide in mock horror at her.

"Ass!" she replied with a laugh, swatting at his shoulder and only managing to make her hand hurt in the process. "But seriously, I've never had someone stop my headaches using physical touch before. That's twice he's managed to do it."

"He did mention that he's used that _technique_ before," he replied, his voice sounding sly and knowing.

"Keep it up and I'm going to have to kick your ass."

"Considering you want everyone training in hand-to-hand with Thane, you may all be getting your asses kicked."

"True. He is really good at what he does. Maybe I'll get around to asking him about his training background. And what do you mean by you all? Think you can take him one-on-one?"

"I _was_ the number one ranked hand-to-hand specialist on my ship when I was in the military, Commander. I'd put my skills up against anyone."

"Well hell, just let me get with my bookie and set up the odds. I'll have Gardner make popcorn and we'll sell tickets."

"Hey, do I get one of those big trophies and a huge belt buckle if I win?"

"You've been watching too many reruns of old earth WWF wrestling matches, Garrus. Hell, if you win I'll give you a pretty pink tiara and a dozen roses."

"Well… as long as they don't clash with the color of my armor. And the tiara should be blue…"

She held his eyes for a split second before they both dissolved into fits of laughter. "Oh, Oh, OK, if you win you get a big belt and a trophy. If you loose… you have to wear a tu-tu and perform _I'm a Little Tea Pot_ in front of the whole crew…" She gave up trying to stay upright and fell sideways against him, her head landing face first in his lap, arms going around his waist to hang on as she continued to laugh.

For his part, Garrus was about to ask what a tu-tu was when the doors opened and Thane walked in. In the blink of an eye, the drell's expression became that of a cold-blooded killer, and his gaze focused solely on one big blue turian.

Garrus startled and stood up abruptly, effectively dumping the Commander on the floor.

"What the hell, Garrus?" she growled before looking up to see Thane standing there, oblivious to the death threat in his eyes as he stared at Garrus. "Oh, hi Thane…" she began, pushing herself to her feet when neither one offered her a hand up. So much for chivalry… "I was just coming to find you. I want you to begin training the other crew in…" she paused, finally looking up at the drell.

Though he looked relaxed, standing just inside the doorway in his usual uniform of tight leather pants, vest, and coat, she could tell he was so tense he was about to snap. Feet spread shoulder width apart, hands clasp behind his back, he glanced her way before returning his gaze to the turian currently leaning against the ship's weapons console.

"I…" he began, brows knit together and lips drawn tight, "apologize for interrupting Commander. Officer Vakerian," he acknowledged the turian before spinning on his heels and leaving the room.

"What the hell just happened?" she asked, too stunned to even move.

"I think your boyfriend just got invaded by a small olive ogre. That is the correct human phrase isn't it"

"Small olive ogre? What the hell?"

"You know, he's jealous. A small olive ogre."

"Good grief. A little green monster."

"That's what I said. A small olive ogre."

"Oh, never mind that right now. You really think he's jealous? We were only talking!"

"Well… your face was in my lap when he walked in…" he replied, trying his best to sound suave and totally unimpressed.

They both looked at each other for a moment before simultaneously going "Eeeewwwwwwwww!"

"OK, now I need brain bleach. I'm just going to forget that part of our conversation ever happened. Even if I have to go head butt the wall for a while."

"I'm going to find Kelly and let her help me get over the trauma of this morning," the turian said on a long suffering sigh. "And, I need to show her the new dance mix I picked up in Nor Astra yesterday. It's a compilation of all the best of Expel 10."

"Now I'm going to need ear bleach…" she sighed as she took a step towards the door, her mind already spinning a million miles a minute as she contemplated the look that had been on the drell's face. "Just bring your training schedule up to the meeting after lunch," she said, switching back to Commander mode so fast it made Garrus's head spin. "Be sure to check with Samara and Thane about scheduled workout times. The three of you will need to build your schedules together so that there is no overlap or conflict."

"I'm not going near that crazy drell until you talk to him and let him know that I do not have, have never had, and don't plan on having any inappropriate thoughts about your… person," he waved a gloved hand in her general direction to indicate her body.

"That's where I'm headed right now Garrus. Can you go tell Joker to get us on route to Rosetta Nebula? Tell him I'll be up to see him after I take care of a few things."

"You've got it Commander," he replied, then asked in all seriousness, "You'll be ok with him?" He didn't think the drell would, or could for that matter, hurt her physically. But emotionally? Those two were already so deep into each other… and they didn't even realize it!

"Yeah Garrus. I'll be ok," she said, squeezing his gloved hand as she walked past him and out the door.

"You know where to find me if you need me," he said quietly before going back to the weapons console. Touching his visor, the latest Expel 10 music filled his ears and he set another firing algorithm to run before heading up to see Joker.

He'd really like to be an airborne insect on the room divider in Life Support right about now….

**A/N** I think the cat is controlling what I write. This has taken on a life of its own and I'm no longer in control. He's laying on my arm as I type. MIND CONTROL! Meow…meow… Seriously, I do not know where the jealous Thane came from. He just showed up on my door step one day and well… Please leave a review if you would. Either "love it" or "hate it". Thanks for reading what the cat wrote…


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N** I'm so so so so so sorry for not updating for so long. Dragon Age II came out and I got sucked into the world of Thedas and then sucked into the green eyes of Fenris… I asked my husband if he'd wear some fake elf ears and he just looked at me and rolled his eyes… Then he took me on a 9 day Caribbean cruise for our anniversary. Can't help lovin' that man!

Anywho… this is chapter 15 and I'm sorry to say there is no smut in this chapter – angst, but no smut. Please stay tuned for more smexiness coming soon.

A wonderful thank you to everyone that has reviewed and favorited. You are the reason I write.

Bioware owns everything, _including my soul it would seem_.

On the way to Life Support she stopped by the galley to speak to Mess Sergeant Gardner concerning the provisions she'd had delivered yesterday. Although the Cerberus chef did a decent job with menu planning, she wanted to ask him to try preparing a few of the turian dishes she'd found recipes for, as well as some of the drell and salarian recipes she'd picked up at the market the day before. A few other menu suggestions and she thought she was on her way again, but Dr. Chakwas waved her over to the Med Bay for a quick checkup on her ribs. It had only been four days, but already there was no evidence of any trauma. Whatever Cerberus had done to her, they'd greatly accelerated her healing time.

It was already almost an hour later that she stood outside his door and wondered again just what the hell was going on inside her head. She couldn't have this… this distraction keeping her from the mission. Whatever was going on between them needed to be settled at the very least, or put in a closet, or on a shelf, or oh God, she was babbling inside her own head again… She raised her hand to knock…

He stood ramrod straight, shoulders pressed back, hands clasped behind his back, looking out over the blue drive core, but not seeing. All he could see was her arms wrapped around the waist of the turian, her face buried in his lap. Over and over and over the scene played through his abso-fucking-lutely perfect damned memory.

He could not for the life of him understand why he'd reacted the way he had. _Oh give it up Krios… you know exactly why you acted that way. The Battlesleep has faded. You're awake and… _and the one who awoke me already resides in my heart, he finished for himself. But how did it happen so fast? With Irikah, he'd been young, she'd been beautiful and so full of life and he'd plunged headlong into the new experience of actually living.

His assassin training had effectively put him in battlesleep for most of his young life. There had been no childhood or young adulthood. He'd gone to live with the hanar at the age of six, taking his first life at twelve. It was all he knew. Until he met her… Suddenly every sense was sharpened. The world came alive when he was with her and when Kolyat was born… Well, he thought he'd found heaven.

Then the reality of day to day life had set in. He had a family. They needed a home, clothes on their back, shoes on their feet, food to eat… And Irikah had loved to shop. She'd come from a wealthy family, had been an adored daughter who's parents had showered her with anything she wanted.

He'd been given permission from the Illuminated Primacy to leave his assassin work in order to raise his family. He'd managed to secure a job for a while working in construction. It had been honest work, but it didn't pay nearly as well as his previous line of employment. Irikah never openly complained about money, but it was hard for her to adjust to a new life style and a baby.

Then the day came when there weren't enough credits to cover their rent, food, day to day necessities, and Irikah's shopping bills. She'd gone shopping with friends, and when she returned home with her arms loaded down with packages, he'd quietly asked her just who was going to pay for all the things she'd picked up.

The smile had left her lips and her eyes, her beautiful sunset colored eyes, had teared up. And all he'd wanted to do was give her the world. That night he'd broached the subject of freelancing. They needed the money. He'd be able to provide them with so much more. He'd been really good at what he did.

He tried to keep his professional and personal life separated, but it had been especially hard on Kolyat only seeing his father for a few months at a time. To family and friends, he was always away on business. And even when he was at home, he was always awaiting his next contract.

Sometimes he'd be gone several months at the time, and he knew Irikah had male friends that would stop by to check on her. It had never occurred to him to be jealous of these men. But Shepard? Just the idea caused him to burn inside. It was crazy. He was slowly going insane…

He had to stop this, had to figure out exactly where he stood. _Where he stood…. Hell, he was standing at death's door. He was dying. A year, tops. That's all he had._ What was that to offer to someone like the Commander? She could have anyone in the galaxy she wanted. If he was a better man he'd simply tell her that he did not wish to pursue anything with her. If he was a better man he'd be content with the memories of his dead wife. If he was a better man he'd be more concerned about atoning for the life of sin he'd lived.

But then… he wasn't a better man…

She knocked one time and entered the small room. Thane stood at the far end, looking out over the drive core. Tall, ramrod straight, and so beautiful he nearly took her breath away each time she looked at him… She made her way to the lighted display case nearest him and leaned back against it, crossing one foot over the other, arms crossing just below her breasts. She waited.

"I am not a good man Commander," he said quietly, finally moving away from the window overlooking the drive core, moving to where she stood with her back against the weapons cabinet. Standing in front of her he placed his hands on either side of her head and leaned in toward her.

"I should not have allowed this to go so far. Should not have allowed myself to… to have feelings for you. I have no right to feel this possessiveness. No right to feel this impossible rage when I see another touch you, hold you…"

"Possessive? Possessive? What the hell do you mean, 'possessive'?" That was the first thing that popped into her mind. Or maybe she should simply go with her usual "What the fuck Krios?" But looking up into his eyes she knew something was weighing heavily on his mind. Though they had only known each other for a very short time – _why did it feel like she'd known him forever?_ – she knew enough about the drell to know he never just reacted rashly to anything. Everything he did was thought out and reasoned though, carefully.

Something had happened.

Well, she kinda knew what had happened. _She_ had happened. And just like he'd crashed into her life and turned it upside down, she'd done the same to him. There was so much they needed to talk about, so much yet to learn about each other…

They had to talk. That was all there was to it, really. But she couldn't do it just now. She had a ship to run, but they would make time to sort whatever this was out before they each drove the other crazy. Of course who was she to talk about crazy. She was leading a suicide mission… crazy was her middle name… And hooking up with anyone now was just beyond insane… But she really, really, liked Mr. Tall, Dark, and Scaly… _crazy…_ and oh my God, the smell of him as he leaned in close, his body scant inches from hers. Leather, sandalwood, and pure male… _She was absolutely out of her fricking mind crazy…_

"I think we really need to talk, but I have a ship to run. Can you try not to kill Garrus until after you and I speak later?" _Or maybe I'll just lick… No. Bad Commander, Bad Commander!_

"You need not fear that I would jeopardize the mission, Shepard. I know I have no grounds for my reaction. You and I are not - "

"Just stop right there Krios. I can't do this right now, and I need you. I need the professional assassin I know you are to work with Garrus. You two will be in charge of weapons and hand-to-hand training. Garrus with weapons. You doing the hand-to-hand. There is a meeting in the communications center at 1030 this morning. I'm beginning an intensive training for all mission personnel."

"You are the commander and mission leader - "

"That's right, I am. And right now I have to concentrate on that. 1030 in the Communications Center."

With that she quickly went up on her toes and pressed her lips gently to his before ducking under his arm and almost running for the door.

For the most part, the crew were accepting of the training schedule, especially when she pointed out that their lives depended on having the best training. That their chances of defying the odds grew with each advantage she could give them. The Reaper threat was so much bigger than any one species. She knew they needed every advantage if they were to succeed.

If the training meeting was considered a success, the one with Miranda, Mordin, and Garrus after lunch was anything but. Getting information from Miranda about how TIM had acquired her body had been more than a little frustrating. But, by digging and doing more than a little threatening, she'd finally pieced the events together with the help of what she'd learned from Liara.

_She'd taken down a Reaper… The Collectors had attached her ship and she'd been spaced… The Collectors? Had brokered through the Shadow Broker for her body, which the Blue Suns had retrieved from Alcheria. Only, Liara, had somehow (she'd never gotten her friend to tell her exactly how) taken her body from the Blue Suns and given it to Cerberus… And now the Collectors were targeting human colonies… They had Reaper technology… They had specifically targeted a human colony where one of her former team was known to be…_

Somewhere in all the information and misinformation were the missing pieces of the puzzle. After kicking everyone out of her room, she headed to the bridge to check on Joker and get an ETA on the arrival at the Alpha Draconia System in the Rosetta Nebula. After that, she headed over to the armory and had a quick talk with Jacob. The distress beacon from his father's old ship was still broadcasting and she informed him they would arrive sometime late that evening. She'd lead a recon team as soon as they arrived.

Back in her quarters, Becca told EDI to request Thane join her. She needed to talk to him. Needed to get everything out in the open. She couldn't function as a Commander when her mind was so messed up.

Thane entered the elevator and selected Shepard's quarters. He'd come to a decision while meditating after lunch. If the Gods had indeed sent another Siha into his life, he wasn't going to waste what little time he had left. There was no guarantee that they would return from their mission to confront the Collectors. There was a guarantee, however, when it came to his Keprals. He was dying. He would be dead within a year. If Shepard could handle that, then he wouldn't fight this thing between them.

Shepard glanced up from the data pad she'd been reviewing when he sauntered into the room. As always, he took her breath away…

"Just answer me this, please. Do you still have feelings for him," he asked, his gaze going to the picture frame that was turned down in the corner before walking over to stare into the empty fish tank. He waited for some time and almost turned around when she began to speak.

"I really thought Kaiden and I would be together forever. We took down Saren and a Reaper… God knows I had to make some hard decisions, and he knew how much I agonized over every one of them, especially Ashley. And then when I saw him on Horizon… He questioned my loyalty, my judgment, my motivation for working for Cerberus… He called me a traitor."

She got up and began pacing the small confines of her quarters. "But I knew who I was, though. I was still a council Spector, still an Alliance soldier, still a human… but I was also a woman who thought she'd been in love.

"I know that for him it had been over two years. To him I was dead and he'd tried to move on. I can see that now. But in my heart… If he'd really ever loved me he would have known in his heart that I would never betray the Alliance, or him. He chose to walk away, and I chose to let him… It was a matter of trust. He either trusted me or he didn't. When he walked away, I had my answer."

She finally stopped pacing and fell back on the mattress, staring straight up and into the void of space. _It had been so cold and sterile out there. Much like her life before Thane… _

"I know the odds of this mission are pretty stacked against us. I don't want to live what little time I may have left under a cloud of suspicion. Thane, you either trust me or you don't. You know I like you, we're good together. I want to be with you, but not if you're going to freak out every time I talk to another man. You're the only man I've been with since waking up in a Cerberus facility. I don't want anyone else. Garrus is my best friend. He's been there for me when it seemed like everything was falling apart. If you can't handle that… if you can't trust me, let me know now…"

She turned to look over at the fish tank only to discover that he had moved to the foot of the bed and was standing right beside her. His dark eyes bored into hers, and she felt like she was standing on a precipice, one misstep and she would fall forever. She watched as his eyes darkened, sorrow and grief overtaking the stoic man she'd come to…

"For so long I have trusted no one. My life always depended on it. Not just my life, but the lives of those closest to me….

He paused, and closed his eyes for a brief time before looking directly at her. That precipice she'd been standing on yawned before her, deep and dark, and she knew in that instant there was no going back, that for both of then, this was it.

"I had a life once. I had a wife and a son… My wife, Irikah, was murdered because of me, because of the kind of work I did.

"After the funeral, I left my son in the care of Irikah's family and I hunted down the men who had taken her from me. All of them. It took over a year, and after I killed the last one, I didn't know what to do. I had returned to my battlesleep, living only to hunt and kill. My wife was gone, my family destroyed… That was over ten years ago."

"You haven't seen your son in over ten years? You just left him?" Her own abandonment issues rose to the fore of her mind and she struggled to keep her temper from exploding as he continued.

"I was terrified someone would murder him, too. The men that murdered my wife… they were from just one of the many of slaver gangs I've worked to take out over the years. How could I put my son in danger? I did go back, once, after… He seemed so happy with Irikah's brother and wife. They had children around his age.

"I'd failed him so badly. Failed Irikah, failed to keep my family safe. I just though it was better for everyone if I just faded away…

"I returned to my battlesleep, and for years existed only to kill. Then I was diagnosed with Kepal's Syndrome… a death sentence for any drell. I… began to reevaluate my life and what I had done with it. It wasn't a pretty picture, my life… I began working on my own, taking out those I knew to be the worst scum in the galaxy. I'd been on my way back to Illium to destroy Nasana when we happened to meet on the Citadel."

He sat on the side of the bed and took one of her hands in his own. Rubbing his thumb absently mindedly over her palm, he continued, "And then… you happened, and my world turned upside down and I didn't know myself anymore. Was it the sex? No. With perfect memory I could relive every time I've ever had sex, and it would seem as if I was there all over again. Every touch, every sound, every shudder… It was something more…

"It was a connection I couldn't explain, like the Gods were pulling strings… meddling in the affairs of mortals… destiny. And then, just as suddenly, you were gone and I didn't even know who you were.

"I went to Nos Astra to die. I had planned that job down to the last detail. I fully expected Nassana's commandos to kill me, even as I took her down. But then you blazed into my life and offered me a chance at atonement. A chance to make the world a better place before I die."

"Thane, I…" she began only to be interrupted by a single finger pressed softly against her lips.

"Do I trust you? Yes. It is myself I don't trust. My whole life… my decisions have cost me so much already. My wife, my family… I have already come to care for you, and that scares me Shepard. It scares the hell out of me…" He pressed a quick kiss to her palm before rising and returning to stare at the empty fish tank.

He cared for her… and she cared for him. It should be so simple, but then when had anything in her life ever been simple?

"I care for you, too Thane, and I want to be with you, and only you," she finally said, getting up to go stand directly behind him. Arms going to encircle his waist, she rested her cheek on the soft leather covering his back and just breathed in the smell of leather and spice.

"I'm still a dying man, Shepard," he finally said, the tension in his body seeming to double as he warred with himself.

She slowly loosened her arms and moved to stand in front of him, arms still looped around his waist. Looking up she smiled a sad little smile and said, "You know, I've learned a few things lately, like there are no guarantees in life. I used to think I was invincible, that I had all the time in the world. But that was before I died…" She rested her cheek against the exposed scales of his chest. "I'm leading us into hell, and there are no guarantees we'll see tomorrow."

"I… have never wanted someone as much as I want you. But - "

"Don't," she whispered. Leaning back she looked up at him with eyes too full of emotion, and raising a trembling hand, put one finger against his plump lips. "Don't over think this, Thane. For us, there is no tomorrow, no future, only now, this moment. Let's live these moments we have, one at a time, for as long as we have them. Whatever the future holds, whatever it sends our way, we'll face it then, and not regret the time we've had together."

She replaced her finger with her lips, and for a brief moment in time they were the only two beings in the universe. Their very breaths mingled and became one as Thane pulled her roughly against himself.

Desire, hot, sweet, and wild swept through him and he cradled her head in the palm of his hand, angling her lips for a deeper kiss.

_Let's live these moments we have, one at a time, for as long as we have them…_

He surrendered. Call it destiny, call it the Gods meddling in mortal affairs, call it whatever you wanted, but there was something so right about being with her. He scooped her up and headed towards the bed.

He'd just slipped a scaled hand under her top when EDI's voice filled the room and informed them that they had reached their destination.

**Another A/N** – Not really satisfied with this chapter, but oh well… If I worked on it until I thought it was perfect it would never get posted. If you enjoyed, please leave a review. I appreciate all your comments, suggestions, and critiques.


	16. Chapter 16

**MYSTERY TO ME**

By: Emantsal

**Chapter 16**

**Pre-Story** **A /N- **I know…. It's been so long since I last updated this story you can't even remember what it's all about. I'm sorry! A million times sorry! I have lots of ideas for future chapters, but no time to write! Well, not really. I just have so many stories waiting inside my head to be written, they sometimes create a virtual "log jam" and nothing can get through to my fingers and the computer. Anyway, as always, your continued support for this work of fiction that seems to dribble from my brain is always appreciated. For all of you who read and review, a special thanks. Your reviews always make my day.

Standard disclaimer: Bioware owns all.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~ME2~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Becca Shepard watched the sleeping drell sprawled out on her bed, his breaths strong, his color good... It had been a week since she'd found him in Life Support in the grips of an attack so strong it had driven him to his knees and prompted EDI to interrupt a meeting she'd been having with Miranda and Mordin in the research laboratory.

They'd been discussing Mordin's research progress on the collectors when EDI had interrupted and informed her that Thane's vital signs were in distress.

"Professor, come with me. EDI, tell Chakwas to meet us in Life Support ASAP," she'd barked, racing from the room to the elevator. Mordin was already in the process of linking his omni-tool with Thane's vital signs through EDI.

"Severe respiratory distress. Possible episode of Kepral's Syndrome," Mordin said as they ran for the elevator.

"I thought he was in remission," she'd said, punching the call button with more force than necessary.

"Latest scans indicate Krios is in remission Shepard; however, Kepral's attacks like human asthma. Can occur without indication and without warning. Usually brought on by stress or outside factors such as cool, damp air." The last was said to the back of her head as they entered the elevator.

"EDI, is Chakwas on her way?" she asked as they descended quickly to the Crew Deck.

"Dr. Chakwas is entering Life Support now Shepard," the ship's AI responded as the elevator doors opened and she and Mordin ran down the hall.

She could do nothing but watch as the doctor and the professor worked to bring her lover's breathing under control. Thane hadn't had a Kepral's episode in the entire time they'd been together. Admittedly, it was only about six weeks, but still… He'd always been so strong. To see him like this… It just put everything into crystal focus. None of them were guarantee tomorrow.

She crawled up behind him on the narrow cot and helped support him, sitting up. With his back pulled against her chest, her legs on either side of his hips, she began rubbing his shoulders and gently massaging the scales of his scalp, waiting for the medications he'd been given to take effect. If Mordin or Dr. Chakwas thought it was strange for their Commander to be assisting the drell with easing out of his leather jacket, they kept it to themselves.

"Thane should be fine with rest, Commander," Chakwas said, putting her medical supplies back into the crash kit she'd run to Life Support with. Turing her attention to the drell reclined against the Commander, she continued, "I suggest limited activity for the rest if the day, Mr. Krios. Give the meds a chance to reduce the inflammation in your lungs. I'll check on you this afternoon after dinner, if that's all right?"

"Thank you Dr. Chakwas," he managed in a deep almost whisper. Above his head, Shepard said, "Thanks Doc. I'll be over to see you later. You too, Professor. EDI, if anyone is looking for me, tell them to leave a message."

"I have already updated your status as unavailable except for emergencies, Shepard. Will there be anything else?" EDI replied.

Thanks EDI. That will be all."

"Logging you out Shepard."

Beneath her hands, still stroking softly from the scales of his scalp down to massage the muscles of his chest, the drell began to relax, his breathing evening out, the injection Dr. Chakwas had given him, easing the distress his lungs felt.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked, settling back more comfortably, focused only on helping him as he'd helped her many times during her migraine attacks.

"I went to see my solicitor today," he began after a few minutes in which she realized he had become lost in memories…

_1 week earlier…_

They'd been docked at the Citadel to replenish their supplies. After investigating a conveniently disabled Collector ship… She really wished she could get rid of the memories she carried in her head of that place… she'd directed Joker to the Citadel for a quick supply run.

Of course nothing was ever simple and out of nowhere Garrus had cornered her in the cargo hold and begged, or demanded, depending on how you looked at it, that she help him track down a former team member, Sidonas, the one who had sold them out on Omega, the one that had caused the deaths of Garrus's team mates. He'd had feelers out and learned the Turian had been spotted on the Citadel in the company of someone known as Fade.

It hadn't been hard to find his trail. Capt. Bailey in C-Sec had directed them to the warehouse district where they learned Fade was really ex-C-Sec officer Harkin. She remembered Harkin. A real scum ball she'd hoped to never have the pleasure of seeing again…

Anyway, they'd had to chase Harkin through most of the warehouse district before cornering him. He'd thrown mercs, blue suns, and a few heavy LOKI mecs at them, but with both Garrus and Thane in sniper mode, they'd been no match. As a sentinel, she'd had no problems overloading the mecs which allowed her two marksmen to effectively take them out.

She'd known Garrus was keyed up, on edge about all this. She'd begun to see a side of the big Turian she'd never experienced before. And it scared her. Scared her because she saw herself in him, saw him giving in to the demons she'd long ago sold her soul to.

When they finally cornered Harkin, he'd been utterly ruthless in getting information about where Sidonis was. His desire for revenge was all consuming, and when she'd confronted him about it he'd basically told her to shove her concern, he didn't need her approval, and that if she wasn't going to help him, the get the hell out of his way.

There had been no way she was letting him go off without her. He'd been there for her so many times the very least she could do was stand with him now. In the wards, at the agreed on meeting place, she'd once again asked him if there was no other way to resolve this and he'd just looked at her and replied that this was the way it had to be.

With Garrus in position, sniper rifle ready, she'd approached the Turian, calling his name. In that moment she knew she was the only thing between Sidonis and the bullet in Garrus's rifle, the only thing between Garrus and an action that could well damage his soul. In a split second judgment, she'd warned the turian and refused to move out of the way for a clean shot.

At first Sidonis had seemed scared, but then he'd just seemed relieved. He didn't eat. He didn't sleep. Nightmares plagued him, even awake, and everywhere he saw their faces, the men who'd called him friend, brother… the men he'd betrayed. Hell, he wanted Garrus to take the shot. He was dead inside anyway…

She'd held her breath waiting, but the shot never came. Through her headset, Garrus had told her to tell the other turian to go, just go. She hadn't liked how tired, how defeated her best friend sounded. "He's giving you a second chance. Don't waste it," she'd told Sidonis who'd promised to make it up to Garrus, somehow, someway.

Thane… her lover still didn't quite understand her relationship with the big blue turian. And when she'd tried to compare it to a brother-sister thing, he'd still looked at her quizzically and had finally explained that he'd never been able to build that kind of a relationship with his siblings. He'd been given to the Hanar at age six to begin his assassin training, and though he had visited his family from time to time, his life was so different from theirs, they had almost nothing in common.

He still didn't understand it, but he accepted that her relationship with the turian was different than what she shared with him. That was why after meeting back up at the taxi, he had excused himself. He'd known she needed to talk to Garrus, that she had to talk to Garrus.

That night, he'd come to her cabin with his usual cup of tea, a new blend he'd picked up that afternoon on the Citadel. He hadn't pried, hadn't asked, just let her tell him in her own good time why she'd chosen to stand between Garrus and the man who'd betrayed him. And he'd listened, not judging her, and held her as she told him about Torfan….

_Back in the present…_

"_I went to see my solicitor this morning," he began…_

_You're supposed to be dead, Ser Krios. I followed your orders and sent the letter to your son. _

_Who told you I was dead?_

_It was a drell. Kunel Mardu. Said you'd been married to his sister…_

_Thane? I don't understand… A man came by. Said he worked for the Primacy. He said you were dead, and that I should contact some lawyer on the Citadel. And then Kolyat got some letter and just up and left school. We haven't heard from him in weeks. Ilatha is worried sick. What's going on Thane?_

Coming back to the present he took a shuddering breath and tried to sit up.

"Thane, we'll fix this,' she said, still rubbing the scales of his chest and shoulders. "Do you have any idea where he'd go?"

"He knows who I am, what I've done, Shepard. Somehow he found out, and he's…" He fought the panic that threatened to engulf him.

"Thane, you can't help him if you don't get a grip," she replied, harder than she'd intended, but she'd never seen her assassin so rattled. He'd left his son to protect him. She understood that, but being an abandoned child, she still had issues with it. That he loved his son was clear, and she'd help any way she could to find him. He wouldn't be able to focus on the mission until this was resolved. And she wouldn't be able to focus on the mission if she was distracted by his pain…

"I have to find him, I have to find Kolyat. He's here, looking for work… as a hit man." She felt him tense beneath her hands as he said it.

"We'll talk to Capt. Bailey. If he's on the Citadel, he had to go through C-Sec to get on the station." Pulling him back against her chest, she rested her cheek against the top of his head and they just sat there, and she thought he might have fallen asleep.

"I spoke with some of my contacts," he finally said, his voice deeper and not as stressed, breathing evening out. "The name Krios is well known in certain circles… and many naturally assumed that as my son he was following in my footsteps."

"But that takes years of training. He's just a kid - "

"He's eighteen now, but still a child. A child with my name… my name…" such remorse and self-loathing clearly evident in those two little words.

"Stop that. Just stop. This isn't your fault."

"Every action we choose leads us to a point in the future that eventually becomes the here and now. Everything I've done, or didn't do… I wasn't there for him. I left him. I thought…

"You left him with family. You didn't just abandon him. You did the best you could at the time. At least he had people around who loved him."

"I should have tried harder to get my life back together, to get myself together. I could have taken Kolyat and just disappeared. A new life…"

"Why didn't you?"

"I kept seeing her, kept seeing Irikah's body... They knew my schedule, knew when I would be returning home. They killed her so that I would be the first one to find her. Only they didn't know Kolyat got out of school early that day. He got there before me."

"Thane…"

"Her death had not been quick. They had tortured her… used her body. They left her in pieces for me to find. Only Kolyat got there before me…"

"Oh God Thane…"

"I hunted them down. Every last one. It took over a year… I made what they did to my wife look like child's play, Shepard. I had been trained to grant death quickly. A clean kill. Only I didn't with them. They suffered, and I enjoyed every scream as they begged me to stop. I laughed when they begged me to finish it. I..."

"When I returned, when I got myself together, Kolyat was living with Irikah's brother and his family. He was adjusting. I stayed with them for several days, even talked about getting an apartment near my brother-in-laws house so Kolyat would still be near his uncle, aunt, and cousins."

"What stopped you?"

"He wanted to know if the bad men would be coming back for me, if they would be coming for him."

"Fuck."

"And then all I could see was his small body, broken and shattered, like hers…

_The house is quite, too quite as I enter. Sunlight filters in through the windows, casting a pale glow on the carnage in front of me. He is huddled in the corner of a blood stained couch, surrounded by bloodied walls and floor. On the floor in front of him is a piece of his mother. He can tell by the shoe still on the foot…_

_I grab my son and run from the house, but the memories follow me, follow us. Over the next few days he wants to know if we got all the pieces. He remembered where every part was. A leg on the floor. An arm draped across the back of a chair. Her eyes placed in the sweets dish on the entrance way table… her beautiful sunset colored eyes…_

He shuddered as memories threatened to overwhelm him. It was soft human hands gently massaging the tenseness of his shoulders and chest that kept him in the present.

"We'll find him Thane. I promise. But you need to rest at least for the rest of today. I'll get Garrus to start making some inquiries with his old contacts at C-Sec."

"Thank you, Siha," he replied sleepily, the meds Dr. Chakwas had given him earlier finally kicking in, not really realizing what he'd called her until she stilled and said, "I think my translator just glitched. What's a Siha?"

"Wrrrr godsssssss…." was all she managed to get out of him before he drifted off to sleep in her arms. Tucking his heard under her chin, she pulled up her omni-tool and sent Garrus a message on a secure channel.

It was much later that she managed to leave Life Support, Thane finally resting comfortably with a blanket spread over him. It hadn't been easy to extricate herself, what with him basically sitting between her legs, sound asleep. He didn't look all that heavy, but Thane was nothing but pure muscle, pure heavy sexy muscle.

The crew had already eaten and the mess was dark when she entered. She was in the small kitchen, her head stuck in the cooler and a drell cuisine recipe book on the counter, when Mordin stopped by, having just come from Dr. Chakwas office.

"Shepard, would like to discuss personal matter with you if you have time," he began when she turned around, arms loaded with fresh vegetables and something that resembled a roasted chicken.

"Can it wait until I'm done here? I was going to make some steamed vegetables and Gu'nok for Thane when he wakes. He missed dinner."

"Can talk here. Ship personnel otherwise occupied and Garner has retired for the evening."

"What about our ever present on-board monitoring device, namely Miranda: she asked, placing the bags of vegetables and cooked foul on the counter.

"Operative Lawson currently in Armory informing Operative Taylor that he failed to complete sections 3, 4, and 5 of the mandatory weekly Cerberus Weapons Inventory and Usage Report. Operative Taylor is ignoring her by doing sit-ups."

"Poor Jacob. She won't leave until he's completed that report. You should have seen how she hounded me last month because I didn't completely fill out a mission brief. I swear I thought she was going to follow me into the shower to get it done." Reaching under the sink for a scrubber, she turned the water on and began to open the small bags. "So, what's up?"

The Professor immediately launched into what seemed like a rehearsed speech. "Mission is stressful. Different species deal with stress in different ways. Noticed your closeness with Thane and would like to offer advice on inter-species relationships."

Pausing with a carrot in her hand, she said, almost laughing, "You can't be serious."

"Safety and health of crew of utmost importance, Shepard. Drell to human skin contact can cause rash. Ingested skin secretions known to have mild hallucinogenic effect on humans. Can offer creams and ointments for irritated tissues, along with informative videos depicting most comfortable positions for both partners." Large eyes regarded her from a face that looked perfectly serious.

"Excuse me?" Was he serious? He wanted to talk about her sex life? "Videos? Have you been downloading porn Professor?" Her eyes twinkled as she looked up from where she was still scrubbing a squash.

"All visual learning media designed by Center for the Advancement of Inter-Species Studies, Commander. A most reputable organization dedicated to exploring the barriers that exist between the species of the galaxy." Again, he looked so serious.

"So what you're saying is that they're holo-generated images performing programmed sexual acts."

"Have sample on omni-tool if you would like to view."

"What the hell. Sure," she finally replied. I'm about to watch CGI porn with Mordin. This had to rank up there in the top five strangest conversations she'd ever had.

After several minutes of watching while scrubbing the carrots and squash, occasionally leaning forward for a better view, she said, "They have a good grasp on the mechanics, but they need to use their imaginations a letter more. There are several positions I'd recommend that are better. Oh, and that last one? Humans and drell don't bend that way. Believe me. We tried."

Complete silence.

Looking up from where she had begun slicing the squash into little pieces for quick steaming, she was surprised to see a look of honest shock on the Professor's face, and maybe just a little horror.

"What?" she asked in all innocence.

"Most human females known for more emotional attachment to sex that other galactic species. Surprised, that's all."

"It's just sex, Mordin. Great sex, but just sex regardless." Wasn't it?

"Just assumed more to relationship with Thane than physical stress released. Drell complex species. Thane complex as well."

"Well… appreciate the info Professor, and the video was interesting, but I really need to finish this, wake him up, and get him to eat. We have an early morning…" It couldn't be more, could it?

"Will have creams available if you want to stop by lab later," he finally replied and turned to leave.

"Thanks Professor, I'll do that."

And then he was gone and she couldn't help thinking about that last little bit of their conversation. She and Thane had a perfectly wonderful relationship going on. The liked each other and had great sex. In fact, they liked each other a whole lot, but he was still in love with his dead wife, and she didn't really believe in the "Love" word, anyway. Sex and Like, but that was all.

Gu'nok and fresh vegetables were quickly steamed to lock in their flavor before being tossed with leafy greens and drizzled with a citrus olive oil. She cleaned up the cutting board and disposed of the vegetable scrapings.

She'd made the mistake once before of getting caught up in the moment, dragged along by the shear craziness of the mission. She'd thought her relationship with Kaidan had been love. It had been the closest thing to a real relationship she'd ever been in. She'd trusted him and thought he trusted her…

Love, if it existed at all, didn't stop just because you wore a different uniform. Love, real love, should have made him look past the outside to the woman inside. He should have seen her with his heart, not his eyes…

But look how that turned out. Horizon had really opened her eyes and she was determined not to go down that road again.

With Thane, it was sex. Sex and good company and a faith in him that no matter what she did, he wouldn't judge her. Neither one of them were perfect beings. They accepted that about each other. This mission was suicidal, and there was no guarantee that either one would survive, no guarantee that there was even a tomorrow…

Of course, Thane was dying already, a fact that hit home just a little too closely that morning. She didn't _love_ him of course, because in her world, love didn't exist, but she did care about him. Deeply. More than she'd ever cared about anyone else. Just the though of anything happening to him made her heart begin to beat faster and a strange tightness grow in her chest.

Her hands were just the slightest bit unsteady and her eyes watered as she plated the drell equivalent of a warm chicken salad with fresh greens and, grabbing a cool drink from the cooler, walked back to Life Support.

**Post Story A/N** – Finding Kolyat up next time. Oh, and sorry for no Thane smexiness in this chapter. I promise to make it up to you next time….. And please, let me know what you liked and what you didn't like about the chapter.


	17. Chapter 17

**Mystery to Me**

By: Emantsal

Chapter 17

**A/N: **So….. How is everyone enjoying the new game? _I_ think they nerfed Thane. _We_ will not be going there if this story continues into ME3. Other than that, Kolyat is up in this chapter. Again, I failed to get to any steaminess. I wanted to, but the story just got away from me… Oh well. Next chapter. Promise! As always, I appreciate any and all reviews.

-ME2-

After the light meal of Gu'nok salad, Shepard had reluctantly left Thane to rest, alone. Professor Solis and Dr. Chakwas had visited, both reassuring her that the constricted passages in his lungs were cleared and working properly again. He just needed rest, they'd said, giving her a pointed look, like she was going to jump him the minute they left the room.

It was the rare night they spent apart now, usually only happening when she was up late researching mineral resources or he stayed up late reading his favorite collections of philosophy and history.

This was different, though. Back in her own quarters, she instructed EDI to alert her at the slightest changed in Thane's vital signs. She doubted she get any sleep, so she brought up some recent planetary scans and began planning for future mining runs. Dressed only in her underwear and a t-shirt, she curled up in her desk chair and tried to concentrate.

The loft was warm. She'd had EDI modify the environmental controls to better suit Thane's needs, which meant that they usually lounged around in next to nothing, which almost always led to… Oh she was never going to get anything done if she continued down that thought path!

Thane found her asleep at the computer very early the next morning. She didn't even wake as he picked her up, just snuggled her face into the soft scales of his neck and sighed softly. In the bed he pulled a light sheet over them and spooned her against his chest, an arm possessively draped over her waist. Maybe now he could sleep…

Something was right, and something was wrong. As was usual, she woke up surrounded by warm drell, head pillowed on a solid shoulder, her face pressed against the soft red scales of his throat, a leg thrown over a firm, warm thigh, hand splayed over a taut stomach gently rising and falling with each breath… Overhead, the artificial dawn was beginning to glow, illuminating the cabin in a soft pink light.

Thane… he was here… but she'd left him down in Life Support. And, she'd been going over reports…

"I could not sleep. There was no one to drool on my shoulder. There were no soft sounds of snoring mingling with the hum of the ship," he whispered quietly into the stillness of the morning, his breath gently stirring the soft hair on top of her head. It was this still time, that time in the morning when it was just the two of them, that he had come to treasure. His days were numbered, but by the grace of the gods he was allowed to spend his final days with another Siha, a woman chosen by the gods to lead the battle against galactic evil. In her he would find his purpose, through her he had a chance to atone for a life of sin. With her he felt more alive than he could ever remember…

"I do _not _snore," she mumbled against the frills of his neck, then pulled back slowly, soft, sleepy grey eyes slowly opening to gaze worriedly up at him. "How are you feeling?" she asked, the hand on his stomach moving up to gently stroke the soft red scales of his throat.

"It no longer hurts to breathe," he replied matter-of-factly, shifting to turn onto his side facing her. Pulling her tighter against him, he let his hand move in slow circles over her back, relishing the feel of her arm going about his waist to do the same thing on his back.

"I spoke to Garrus late last night. His contact at C-Sec said a young drell passed through customs a few weeks ago. He suggested we visit Capt. Bailey this morning for more information" she finally said, easing away, breaking their embrace to get up.

"Thank you. I…" he began, only to pause as he grabbed his shirt from the foot of the bed. "I want to… no, I need to thank you for being there for me yesterday, Shepard." After pulling the t-shirt down over his head and shoulders, he reached for the pair of light weight sweat pants he'd worn up to her cabin early that morning.

"You don't have to thank me, Thane. You've helped me so many times I just want to do anything I can to help you," she replied, gathering her things before heading for the shower. Turning around, she smiled softly and said, "You were alone for a long time… but, I'm here for you, Thane. Don't forget that."

"And as long as I draw breath, I will be here for you, Siha," he said, moving to where she stood and enveloping her in his arms, lips moving softly against hers in a kiss that spoke more of surrender to an inevitable fate than of passion.

"You called me that yesterday," she managed after several long moments spent immersed in each other. What's a Siha?"

"I will tell you when we return… Siha," he smirked, finally releasing her and gently pushing her towards the bathroom, a quick swat to the behind before strolling to the elevator. On the crew deck, he quickly gathered his own toiletries and headed for his own shower.

-ME2-

Capt. Bailey confirmed that a young drell had passed through customs about two weeks ago. He had no idea where he was now, but did mention that he had been seen in the company of someone named "Mouse", a former "duct rat" that had managed to survive on the streets till adult hood.

When she asked what a "duct rat" was, Bailey explained that even on a space station that was the technological marvel of the galaxy, where civilizations met, traded, and worked for the good of the known universe, there were still street children, orphans, those forgotten by society. They played and lived in the duct work of the space station, unknown to most and never missed when they died.

"Mouse" was one of the lucky ones who'd managed to survive and now made a living as a petty criminal, usually as an errand boy for the larger crime bosses. He occasionally fenced stolen goods and was currently selling an unlicensed VI copy of the Commander. Without even having met the kid, Shepard identified so much with him it was almost painful. Blocking the memories of her past they set out through the wards looking for him.

They found Mouse upstairs outside the Dark Star Lounge working off a public access extranet terminal. That the young man was the same duct rat Thane had used all those years ago to gather information on his assassination jobs had been unsettling for the assassin, but he'd managed to convince the kid to tell him who had wanted to hire Kolyat, a human named Elias Kellem. With a name, they'd returned to talk to the C-Sec Captain only to learn that the human was a known criminal boss had a lot of political pull on the citadel, and Bailey confessed to overlooking some things in exchange for Kellem's generous donations to the C-Sec charity ball each year. In the end, though, Bailey had Kellem brought in to the station for questioning.

She'd become so attuned to Thane's moods, she knew he was growing more troubled by the minute. So, she'd used the one word guaranteed to inspire fear in the hearts of almost anyone on the Citadel… Specter…

Strapped into the interrogation chair, Kellem had demanded his advocate, stubbornly refusing to answer Thane's questions about who he'd wanted dead. That was, until she placed her hands on the arms of the chair, slowly leaning down until she was inches from his face, cybernetic eyes glowing and said very slowly so there was no chance of misunderstanding, "My name is Shepard, Counsel Specter… You can answer my friend's question and live to a nice old age, or I can begin removing body parts until you answer and then you just disappear…"

"Prove it," he'd bit out, scarcasm dripping with every word.

The pistol was in her hand and pressed under his chin so fast he didn't even have time to breathe.

"I don't have to prove anything," she replied coldly. "Specters are above the law. We clear?" She was past the point of being remotely civil.

"Crystal."

Straightening, she walked over to where Thane stood and continued, "Good. Now fortunately I'm not after you. You contracted an assassin. Who's the target?"

The human paused briefly before responding, considering the implications of his response. "Joram Talid. Turian. He's running for office. Lives in the 800 blocks…"

"Thanks," she replied, already heading for the door. "You won't see us again. No offense, but you're a problem below my pay grade."

Once outside the room, she grabbed Thane's hand in hers and squeezed as they continued down the hall to the Captain's desk.

Ever the pragmatist, Thane quipped, "That may go down in history as the shortest interrogation ever."

Tracking the Turian had been a piece of cake. With the two big Krogan bodyguards in red armor, he stood out like a neon light. Up in the catwalks above the Presidium's covered walkways, she'd easily kept track as Talid moved through the area soliciting support for his political agenda… and shaking down a few businesses on the way…

They had Talid's home address and made their way there, carefully following the Turian from a distance. It was only as they approached the apartment block that a young drell appeared from an adjoining doorway. Tall and broad shouldered like his father, Kolyat moved with the same muscular grace.

Falling in behind them and pulling a pistol from beneath his coat, the would-be assassin was ready to strike when she yelled "KOLYAT!" Alerted to their presence now, the Krogan bodyguards turned only to be gunned down by the young drell. Talid took off into the building, followed by the younger Krios.

Rushing forward, Shepard and Thane just missed the elevator and she took the stairs two at a time up to the apartment.

Inside the Turian's apartment, Kolyat had his gun pointed at the back of the Turian's head, who was on his knees, eyes fixed on them as they entered through the open doorway. She hated doing it, but she leveled her gun on the kid as they advanced into the room.

Despair and sorrow rolled off of her lover in waves as he made his way slowly, almost hesitantly, toward a son he hadn't seen in over ten years. "Kolyat" he said finely. And she thought he might have been going to say something else but was interrupted by a very angry young man.

"This? This is a joke. Now you show up?" the young drell bit out. She heard the incredulity in his voice and wondered how she'd have reacted if her mother had come back into her life after so long.

"Help me drell. I do whatever you want," the cowering turian pleaded. At the same time C-Sec officers and Capt. Bailey arrived on the scene.

"C-Sec. Put the gun down son," Bailey said, his own firearm pointed at the drell.

She knew the situation was quickly going downhill and that if she was going to help Thane and his son, she needed to act soon.

"Get out of my way," Kolyat shouted. "I'm walking out. He'd coming with me."

Still slowly advancing toward his son, Thane said, "They'll have snipers outside."

Kolyat glanced out the window briefly before snarling back at his father, "I don't need your hel…" And that's when she shot the lamp behind him.

"What the hell!" Startled and clearly shaken, he dropped his gun arm and that's when she reacted with a quick right cross that sent him stumbling back a step, disarming the kid in the process.

"Talid get the hell out of here!" she yelled, already removing the clip from the gun.

"Yeah, yeah… I will," Still somewhat dazed at the turn of events, the turian rose on shaky legs and stumbled out of the room.

"Take the boy into custody," Capt. Bailey said, holstering his own gun, but held up his hand to stop the two other C-Sec officers when Shepard signaled for them to wait.

"You son of a bitch," the younger Krios spit at his father. Eyes narrowed and lips curled in a sneer, the kid was spoiling for a fight.

"Your father doesn't have much time left Kolyat. He's trying to make up for his mistakes," she warned the kid. It took everything in her not to jump in and defend Thane, but she held back. This was between father and son.

"What? So you came to get my forgiveness so you could die in peace or something?"

"I came to grant you peace," Thane finally replied, and it broke her heart. Normally so full of life, his voice was tired and full of sorrow. "You're angry because I wasn't there when your mother died."

Outrage and hurt colored Kolyat's reply. "You weren't there when she was alive. Why should you be there when she died?" And in that moment she saw the little boy behind the young man, a scared child lashing out at the one person who should have been there for him.

It was many moments as Thane composed himself. She just wanted to step in and take all his pain away… "Your mother… They killed her to get to me. It was my fault."

"What?" She was sure it wasn't the answer he'd been expecting. The trauma of that day was still with him, would always be there, just like the memory that would live inside him the rest of his life.

"After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them, the trigger men, the ring leaders. I hurt them, eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were older. I should have stayed with you."

"I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?" So much hurt. Was there no way for them to move past this, she wondered? She was about to interrupt and tell the young drell the exact extent of what his father was up against, but Thane's soft throaty voice interrupted her.

"Kolyat, I've taken many bad things out of the world," he said, finally standing so close to his son. "You're then only good thing I ever added to it." She could see the tears now streaking the young drell's face.

Capt. Bailey had been watching everything and spoke up, "This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers. Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need."

Outside the apartment building she stopped beside the C-Sec Captain. "Thanks Bailey. I owe you one," she said softly, watching as father and son walked slowly toward a waiting squad car. She rode back with the Captain, giving Thane and Kolyat some much needed privacy.

Back at the precinct it hadn't been that hard to get Bailey to drop the charges against Kolyat. She liked Bailey, but she wasn't above using a little blackmail to lean on him. The C-Sec Captain had made deals with a known crime boss. Now he could make a deal with her. Community service for Kolyat in exchange for her keeping quiet about his deals. She would deal with the Turian…

Finishing her talk with the Captain, she made her way to the private room Thane and Kolyat had been in for the better part of two hours. She hated to interrupt, but she needed to tell Thane that he wasn't needed back on the ship and could spend some time with his son.

"Thane, I've given everyone shore leave till 0800 tomorrow. You and Kolyat can spend some time together before we leave," she said without preamble, striding into the room without knocking.

The tension in the air was palatable, Thane obviously trying to keep his emotions in check, Kolyat obviously still hurt by the events that had shaped his childhood.

"I don't think I can have visitors in jail," the kid sneered, still too mired in self-pity and self-absorption to even notice who he was speaking to.

"I took care of Bailey. You're doing community service and working for C-Sec until further notice," she replied, ignoring the curled lip and defiant stance. The weapons and small cannon she carried strapped to her back, clinked against her armor as she walked confidently across the room and came to stand beside Thane.

"The hell I am," he growled. "I don't need you, or _him_ to fix my problems. Maybe none of this would have happened if he'd been around for the past ten years."

"No. You'd have probably been dead, just like your mother," she said calmly, shocking both Kolyat and his father. "He left to protect you. He left so that you could have a normal life. He left because he loved you more than his own happiness…" She added more softly, "He's here now because he loves you…"

"Kolyat… this is the only life I've ever known. When you mother died, I didn't know how to be the father you needed. I wanted to. I wanted to leave my work and take you away… somewhere safe… But when I returned you were happy with your Uncle Kunel and Aunt Ilatha. You had a home…"

"But I didn't have my father…." The hurt was so evident in the young drell's voice. Hurt and confusion and too many long suppressed emotions to count. It struck a chord in Becca.

"No, but you were alive…you were safe... you were loved…" Becca said flatly. The kid really didn't know just how much his father had loved him.

"Thane, I'd like to talk to Kolyat for a minute, if you don't mind." It was clear father and son needed a moment apart and she had a few things she wanted to tell the young drell before she returned to the Normandy.

"I will speak to Captain Bailey and thank him for his assistance, Commander." With a questioning look, he bowed slightly before turning and walking quietly through the door.

She waited until her lover left the room. Walking over to a counter that ran the length of the small room, she leaned a hip up against it and leveled her eyes on the kid.

"You can save the speeches, whoever you are. You don't know me and you certainly don't know anything about my life." Belligerent to the end, she thought, and regarded him for several long moments before she spoke.

"Answer me this," she began. "Did you have a warm home, food to eat,… clothes, shoes?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Did you have family?"

"_He_ wasn't there. He was supposed to be my family."

"Just answer the question. Did you have family?"

"Yeah…"

"Who?"

"What does it matter? My own father couldn't be bothered to stay around."

"Who?"

"Shit… I lived with my Uncle and Aunt and their kids, OK?"

"So, they made you feel unwelcomed, starved you, made you sleep under the stairs or something? I mean, leaving without telling them where you were going must have felt good. I assume they were shitheads who couldn't really be bothered about you. That's probably why _he_ left you with them, seeing as how he couldn't be bothered himself."

"Yes! I mean NO! Uncle Kunel and Aunt Ilatha were wonderful. They never made me feel like an outsider. They always made me feel like one of their own kids…"

"So… he made sure you were with family, family that loved you and would take care of you?"

"Yes," he bit out, finally. "But you don't understand. You don't know - " The words died in his throat as she was suddenly across the room and in his face, eyes beginning to glow as the cybernetics behind them flared to life. He hadn't even seen her move.

"No. You're the one who doesn't know," she began. Her voice dripped with ice and something that made the young drell's skin crawl. "You don't know what it's like to be dumped into the foster system like so much garbage when you're six years old. You're not the one who knows your foster parents only take you in because they can make money on you. You're not the one who leaves the foster system because living on the streets is safer than your foster home…"

She took a breath and leaned back, putting some room between them. "Your father loves you, Kolyat. He was terrified of losing you, of the same thing happening to you that happened to your mother. Do you really think he would have left you if he had any other choice in the matter?"

"He could have stayed," he stubbornly refused to understand.

"No. He couldn't…" she sighed. "That man, your father, is the most lethal assassin in the galaxy. He is wanted by any number of mercenary groups and some governments, all of which wouldn't think anything of using you to get to him. If he'd stayed, you'd both be dead by now…

"You don't know that."

"Yes. I do, and deep down you know it, too… You need to let go Kolyat, and talk to your father before he really isn't around anymore."

"I don't know…" the teenager said, the fight leaving his body as his shoulders sagged. "You said he doesn't have much time. What does that mean?"

"I think you should ask him yourself."

"Who are you anyway, and what do you have to do with all this?" he finally asked, looking up her with undisguised curiosity. "_He_ called you Commander. Are you a merc group or something?"

"Yeah, well… I'm here because you father asked for my help. He wanted to find you before we continue the mission I'm in charge of."

"What mission?"

"We're investigating the human colonies that are going missing in the Terminus Systems."

"You never said who you are…"

"It doesn't matter who I am. What matters is your father and you having some time together before time runs out. Just talk to him Kolyat and listen to him. You may not get another chance."

Before she could turn to leave, the door opened and both Thane and Captain Bailey walked through.

"Commander Shepard, Counselor Andersen sent a message that the Council has requested you meet with them in their chambers on the Presidium."

"Thanks Bailey," she replied before walking over to where Thane stood just inside the doorway. "Thane," she said, with a small smirk on her lips that seemed to say 'He's still in one piece!', "I'll see you back on the ship. We're not leaving until 0800 in the morning, but call me if you need me." She really wanted to just take a moment to see how he was doing, but really, what would she say? Sure, they were lovers, but she didn't have any reason to intrude or otherwise interfere between father and son. This was between Thane and his son.

The Captain walked back to the C-Sec desk with her leaving Thane alone with his son.

"That was Commander Shepard? _The_ Commander Shepard?" Kolyat asked, awe and confusion overriding the anger he still felt at his father.

"Yes. That is Commander Shepard," the senior drell replied, walking over to where his son slouched insolently back against a countertop.

"_The_ Commander Shepard? The Savior of the Citadel? The first human Specter?"

Well, Thane thought, sighing to himself, at least his son was speaking to him in something other than an angry voice. Realizing that his Siha might have just provided him with the means to defuse the volatile situation between himself and his son, he leaned back against the same countertop and began telling Kolyat about meeting the woman who had defeated Saren and the geth…

**Post A/N:** I don't know, but this seems rushed to me. I'm definitely not a writer by profession, (_spreadsheets are my best friends!) _but hopefully this chapter serves to get me to the next part of the story. Again, sorry for no steamy bits in this chapter. I _really_ wanted to write some steamy bits, but this just wasn't the place or time for them. But they're coming up in the next chapter… maybe along with a little more jealous Thane when he see his Siha with a certain guy whose picture she used to have on her desk…..


	18. Chapter 18

**Mystery to Me**

By: Emantsal

Chapter 18

**A/N: Holy smokes! I never expected this chapter to go where it did. I'm sitting at the kitchen table typing this and things are just appearing on the screen as if from out of the blue. Weird… As always let me know what you think. Good? Bad? Stupid? and I apologize in advance for any misspellings or grammar mistakes. This came together kinda quickly…**

She sat in a booth in the back of the restaurant, nursing a watered down JD and coke, really, really wishing she could order something stronger. Somewhere after leaving Thane and his son at C-Sec, her day had gone to hell. The Council had heard about Horizon by now, quasi-verification that the Collectors were behind the abductions causing them to want more information on her own investigations. When she'd asked why the hell they believed her now, they'd simply said an eye witness had confirmed her story and that although they couldn't sanction any actions outside Citadel Council space, future resources could be made available to her in exchange for keeping them apprised of her actions. She'd really wanted to tell them to go to hell, but she'd settled for simply walking away while the Salarian Counselor was talking… Pompous, arrogant, pretentious asshole…

Eye witness, huh? She knew of only one eye witness on Horizon that Andersen and the Council would have believed. Kaidan…the man she was supposed to be meeting in a few minutes.

After walking away from the council, she'd gone back to Andersen's office to apologize to him for having to walk away. It had either been walk away or possibly cause a galactic event when she choked the Salarian Counselor to death, she'd joked. They'd visited for over an hour catching up on each other's lives. Over a glass of Serrice Ice Brandy her old Commanding Officer and friend had told her about _Major_ Alenko's report on the events that happened.

_Major_ huh? She let a thin smile cross her lips as she sipped the weak drink.

She wasn't even angry at him anymore. Well, maybe a little. OK, a lot. But she'd moved on now, realizing that although she'd cared for him, thought she loved him, what she'd found with Thane was so much more…

She wouldn't call it love. But there was a respect there, a connection with him she'd never experienced with anyone else. She hoped his time with his son was going well…

After leaving Counselor Andersen's office, someone had pinged her omni-tool. The message had been a time and place. That was all. It hadn't been too hard to figure out who it was… He'd chosen the very same restaurant where they'd had their first drinks together almost three years ago, a trendy place that boasted cuisine and drinks from across the galaxy. At least it was close to where the Normandy was docked.

She wondered how Thane was doing. Had he finally been able to really talk to Kolyat? Was he going to tell him about the Kepral's disease? Were they finally going to talk as adults about what happened all those years ago? She was so caught up in thoughts of Thane, she almost missed the tell-tell little shivering of the hair on the back of her head that meant someone was watching her…

Lifting her gaze from the drink she'd been starring into, her grey eyes met his brown ones across the crowded room, and...

Hey, what do you know? At least she didn't feel like punching him in the face…

Leaning back in her seat, she watched him make his way through the growing crowd of humans and aliens. Kaidan had always been a good looking man, and dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt that emphasized his broad shoulders, he got more than his fair share of looks as he wove his way through the tables toward her.

She was glad she'd taken the time to go back to the Normandy and change out of her uniform before coming here. There hadn't been much time, but she'd thrown on a pair of faded old jeans and a black halter top. God, she hated bras, especially the sports ones she wore under her armor… Boots and a black hoodie and she was out the door.

A quick signal to the waiter and drinks were on the way to their booth.

"Shepard," Kaidan said in greeting as he slid into the seat across the table from her.

"Kaidan," she replied. She'd been about to congratulate him on promotion to Major, but their drinks arrived and she took a few moments to pay for them. JD and coke for her, and a Canadian Lager for him.

"You remembered." He smiled tentatively, but when she didn't immediately smile back, he nervously began picking at the label on the beer bottle.

"Some things you don't forget," was her only reply. So, he was nervous. Well, well, well…

"You… you look good Shepard," he said, leaning forward, placing both elbows on the table, the beer bottle tightly grasp in both hands.

"You, too," she answered, also leaning forward to place her elbows on the table. She almost laughed when his eyes immediately went to the plunging neckline of her halter top. He always had been a 'tits' man.

"So… you asked me to come. I'm here." The sooner she could find out what he wanted, the sooner she could get back to the ship. She still had things to do before they pulled out in the morning. And, she wanted to check on Thane…

"When Andersen told me you were here, I just – I don't know. I thought if we could talk. I've had some time to think since…"

"Horizon. Yeah, me too."

He was silent for a few moments, peeling little pieces of the label from his bottle, looking anywhere but at her. "They can't be trusted, Becca. Cerberus…" Finally looking back up, he took a long pull on his beer.

"I know."

"So why - "

"It's really very simple," she said, sipping her own drink. "The Reapers. Neither the Council or the Alliance will do anything, Kaidan. Cerberus may be the enemy, but I'll use every resource at my disposal to stop them. The Collectors are working for them."

"You're sure?" he asked, sitting up straighter, military training kicking in as he began processing that piece of in formation.

Over the next hour, she told him all about the Collector ship they'd managed to search. The piles of bodies, the revelation that the Collectors were really genetically modified Protheans. Someone in the Alliance needed to believe the Reapers were coming, and Kaidan had been with her throughout the search for Saren. He knew the truth about Sovereign. He'd been on Horizon…

-ME2 ME2 ME2 ME2 ME2-

After calling in many favors, Thane was satisfied that his son had a decent place to live. The younger Krios steadfastly refused to return to Kahje. It hadn't taken long to move Kolyat's meager possessions from the dive he'd been living in down in the Lower Wards to his new apartment closer to C-Sec headquarters. If Bailey was to be believed, Kolyat would start a new job in a few weeks.

With nothing in the new place to eat, Thane suggested they go out for dinner. Since they were near the Normandy, he'd asked Kolyat if he wanted to see where the ship was docked. They could walk over to the docking area and then find a place to eat on the way back to the apartment.

His son had tried to act nonchalant about the offer, but Thane could tell he really wanted to see the ship, even if it wasn't the famous Normandy SR1 that had helped save the Citadel.

In fact, his son had been so awestruck by the Commander, it had been hard to get him to talk about anything else. Moving their conversations toward the reason for his visit here had been an exercise in patience, but in the end they'd at least been able to talk to each other without too much yelling and sarcasm. If nothing else, they had a kind of fragile peace between them now…

As always, Thane was acutely aware of his surrounding whenever he was out in public. Every last detail was recorded and processed as he and Kolyat made their way towards the Citadel's docking areas. When Kolyat had asked why they didn't just take a cab, he had told his son about his last visit to the doctor. Exercise was one of the keys to keeping the Kepral's from spreading quickly. At the mention of the disease, his son had become quieter, more withdrawn, and it made Thane think of Irikah so much.

She had been such a vibrant spirit. So alive, so full of emotions. He could always tell what she was thinking just by the look on her face… Trying to lighten the mood, Thane began telling his son about the various aliens and humans the commander had recruited for their mission, relating interesting details and facts about them. As always, anything to do with Commander Shepard grabbed Kolyat's interest immediately, and before long father and son were again chatting as they walked towards the docked space ship.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her entering the restaurant across the street. He didn't have to see her face to know it was his Siha. For some time now, he'd been aware of a special connection between them. He just 'knew' when she was near.

His first thought was to follow her. No one else was with her. No one was there to watch her back. Not even Garrus - and she almost never went anywhere without the big blue turian. But then, as the real XO of the ship, he understood why it was almost a necessity. But, as much as he wanted to make sure she was protected, he knew she would have brought a team mate if she believed there would be any cause for concern… But still, in the back of his mind, he wondered what she was doing there.

Thane and Kolyat wandered around the docking area, but he did not take his son onto the ship. Even though he trusted the Commander and the team she was putting together with his life, the Normandy was still a Cerberus vessel. Heading back towards the apartment, he let Kolyat pick the place to eat. It should have been no surprise when his son chose the one place he was hesitant to enter. She was still here.

Seated at a small table towards the back, he let Kolyat order for them as he scoped out the place. He was pleasantly surprised when the menu offered several drell specialties. He was not, however, pleasantly surprised to see the Commander seated at a table in the back with the man whose picture had lay face down on her desk until recently. They were seated to his left, several tables behind Kolyat, and try as he might, his gaze continued to seek her out against his will.

He must have looked through his son one too many times. Turning around, Kolyat spied _The_ Commander Shepard, as he'd said over and over that day, and in no time flat was out of his seat and making his way toward where she sat sharing drinks with Kaidan Alenko.

-ME2 ME2 ME2 ME2-

"Shepard," Kaidan tried again, finally getting around to the real reason he'd asked her to meet him. "I know I was out of line on Horizon. But seeing you standing there… Hell, I went to your funereal. And then I heard some rumors that you were alive, and I didn't know why you never contracted me in all that time…"

"You know Kaidan," she said, exasperation getting the better of her. "It's kinda hard to call when you're dead. I know you don't believe me about that, but I spent almost two years on a table in a Cerberus lab while they rebuild me. I'm not going to apologize for something I had no control over."

"I do believe you Shepard. It's just… when you died," he said, reaching over to take one of her hands and hold it between his, his eyes gazing sincerely into hers, "when you died, it took me a long time to get to a place where I didn't think of you every minute of every hour of every day. It took even longer to try to move on. And I thought I had, until…"

"Kaidan…" she sighed. Oh sweet Jesus, he was looking at her with those puppy dog eyes that had always caused her bones to melt and her pulse to flutter. Except now, she just felt sorry for him. It couldn't have been easy. He'd probably been in love with her…

"Let me finish, please. There you were and everything just pulled hard to port…" he stopped and just looked at where their hands were joined. "I was angry… at you, at life, at the universe." He paused and reluctantly released her hand, picking up his third larger and downing the rest in the bottle. "I was angry at myself for leaving you on that damn ship. I should have stayed with you." He finally looked up and she saw the demons that lived in his nightmares. "I was angry… and I took it out on you. I'm sorry Shepard."

"Kaidan, it's okay," she began slowly, her voice low and soft. "None of us could have foreseen what would happen that day, and there are some things we just have no control over. Our ship was attacked and I died. It wasn't your fault. If you want to blame anyone, blame the Reapers. Everything that's happening, everything we've all been through is because of them." This time she took one of his hands between hers and continued. "It's okay to live again, and it's okay to want a life. I still care about you, but - "

"Commander Shepard?"

She'd been so wrapped up in their conversation, she hadn't heard the young drell's approach.

"Kolyat? What are you doing here?" she asked, releasing Kaidan's hand as she turned toward where Thane's son stood beside her chair.

"My father and I stopped in for dinner, and I saw you and just wanted to thank you for what you did earlier. And, to apologize for causing so much trouble."

"Is your father here?" she asked, looking around the restaurant for her lover. She really just needed to see him. 

"We're sitting a few tables back," he replied, turning to point to where Thane sat watching them. Even from here she could tell he was tense. And then she realized she'd just been holding hands with the Kaidan…

"Kolyat, give me a few minutes with Major Alenko, then I'd like you and your father to join us, if that's okay with him."

"Really, you wouldn't mind?" he asked, the awe and surprise clear on his face.

"Shepard?" Kaidan interrupted, only to be silenced when she looked at him.

Sensing something between the two humans, Kolyat hastily added, "I didn't mean to interrupt Commander Shepard."

"It's okay, Kolyat. Go get your father and join us. Tell Thane I need his input on a few mission issues."

"Thank you Commander Shepard. We'll be over in a few minutes." She watched him walk back through the crowd to his table, her eyes lingering on Thane, a very tense Thane. Oh fuck, he'd definitely seen her holding hands with Kaidan…

After the young drell had walked away, Kaidan leaned over and snapped his fingers in front of her face. "What the hell, Shepard? One minute we're discussing 'us' and the next you invite - "

"Kaidan, listen to me," she said, turning to make direct eye contact, _Commander_ Shepard firmly back in the driver's seat. She needed to make him understand that there was no future for them. "You've got to let go. What happened that day changed both our lives and neither of us is the same person because of it. All we can do is pick up the pieces and go forward." She hoped he finally 'got it'. She'd moved on and he needed to, also. And… glancing at the father and son headed her way, she had one jealous drell about to land in her lap. And oh God, the look he was giving her made her want to drag him to the nearest corner and…

"Yeah… I get it Commander. I do. Just… be careful. And if you ever need anything - " He let his gaze linger on her even as he saw the aliens approaching their table.

-ME2 ME2 ME2 ME2-

Thane worked at controlling his breathing, deep even breaths he often used in meditation, willing the tenseness out of his body. It was none of his business what she was doing here with the Alliance Lieutenant. It was none of his business who she held hands. They had never made any claims on the other, their 'relationship' unofficial at best. All these thoughts he acknowledged. The rational part of his mind urged him to be the consummate professional he was trained to be. The rational part of his mind demanded that he courteous and civil towards the Alliance officer. The rational part of his mind… could go to hell.

"Father, _The_ Commander Shepard has asked that we join them at their table. She said something about mission issues she would like to discuss with you," Kolyat said when he returned to their table. Grabbing his drink he was already headed back the way he had come, a huge smile on his face. He was going to get to have dinner with _The_ Commander Shepard!

"Kolyat," he called after his son. "I am not sure we should interrupt their time together." He didn't think he could sit there and be civil while the human gazed at _his_ Siha with want and longing. _His? Since when he she become his?_

"She insisted!" he called back over his shoulder, and Thane could see the grin spreading across his son's face. Now he had to put up with two men worshiping _his_ Siha…

Shepard watched the two drells approaching the table and stood up to greet them. Gesturing for Kolyat to sit beside Kaidan, she scooted over and made room for Thane to sit beside her. Under the table, she grabbed his hand and held it, twining her fingers with his.

"Kaidan Alenko, this is Thane Krios and his son Kolyat. Thane was with me when we investigated that Collector ship." About that time, the waiter who had taken Thane and Kolyat's order arrived to deliver their dinners. Both Becca and Kaidan ordered another round of drinks and after several minutes of strained pleasant conversation, she continued. "Thane, if you don't mind, I'd like you to tell Kaidan about the Collector ship. With everything that was going on, I know there might have been some things I missed."

"I'm sure the report you gave the Council was more than adequate, Commander," Kaiden quickly replied, not sure what the strange vibes he was reading from the other older male were.

"Thane is a drell, Kaidan. They have absolutely perfect recall. Perfect memory. Believe me when I say there are things I probably blocked from my mind just to keep my sanity."

She gave his hand one last squeeze under the table before letting go and reaching for her drink. Cutting her eyes at him she gave a quick smile before leaning over and whispering in his ear, "I'm glad you're here, Thane."

He almost turned his head and caught her lips with his. Instead, he looked at the Alliance soldier as he moved closer to her, hips and legs touching, even though it was obvious there was plenty of room for them to sit comfortable apart on the booth's bench seat.

Turning to look at her he let himself slip into the memory…

"Kolyat, cover your ears," he heard her say as if through a fog….

_So many corridors filled with the decaying remains of humans - men, women, children, young, the elderly. The stench of decay filters through our breathers, piles of body parts strewn across the floors… experiments… enough pods to harvest entire planets…_

_Collectors.. running experiments on their own kind… data shows something impossible_

_Collectors are Protheans… mutated… repurposed… _

Kaidan made himself listen. This was important, but his mind rebelled at the images being described. No wonder Shepard had wanted to block them from her mind. He could clearly see the distress on her face, her body tense. And the part about the collectors being Protheans hadn't been on the report to the Council or the Alliance.

Becca was remembering the mission, too, reliving the horror as Thane recalled every detail. Absently mindedly she reached over and took one of Thane's hands in hers, rubbing the soft scales on the back of his hand as he returned from the dark memory she'd asked him to recall. She hated doing that, but someone in the Alliance needed to know, to understand what she was up against.

"Thanks" she said, not wanting to let go of his hand, but releasing it when he pulled away.

"Commander, I'm sorry you had to experience that. It must have been devastating to know there was nothing you could do to save them. I'm always here for you if you need anyone to - "

Kaidan watched in shock as the drell removed his hand from Shepard's only to place his arm around her shoulders and pull her close, whispering in her ear. After a few moments in which she never took her eyes from the drell's, she turned back to him and said, "This is important Kaidan. What we're doing, the mission… someone needs to know what's going on in case we fail. I know you, and I know you'll do the right thing with this information.

"What are you talking about Commander?" he asked, immediately on edge when she said 'in case we fail'.

"We believe the Collector home world is beyond the Omega-4 relay. When I find a way, we're going through and hopefully take them out, permanently."

"No one's ever made it back from the Omega-4, Commander," Kaidan finally said, just now realizing the magnitude of the mission she'd undertaken, and that he could loose her all over again… Except, he realized, watching the drell's hand rubbing up and down her arm as he pulled her closer… she wasn't his to loose anymore…

"They told me the same thing about Ilos, but we made it there and back," she replied, and then added, "And I'm doing everything in my power to make sure we survive this, too."

Kaidan had to get away. Nothing had gone the way he'd planned. He'd just wanted to talk to her, explain why he'd acted like an ass… but now all he wanted to do was go back to his apartment and drink himself into a stupor. He'd fucked up and lost her… all over again…

"Good luck, Commander," Kaidan said, getting up to leave. There wasn't anything left for him here.

"Take care, Kaidan." Her smile was real, he realized. And it was because of the alien sitting beside her, a man confident in the knowledge that the woman beside him was _his…_

"Take care of her," he said to Thane before turning to leave.

"My arm is hers, and as long as she needs me, I will be at her side." The man had left her through no fault of his own, Thane knew. But when the Gods had brought them back together, he had turned his back on her. He almost felt sorry for the Alliance soldier. Only now was he truly realizing just what he'd lost.

-ME2 ME2 ME2 ME2-

For his part, Kolyat had just been sitting there recording everything about the evening in his own perfect memory. Everything about the day had taken on a surreal feel from the moment his father had shown up that morning. And it had just gotten weirder and weirder from there on…

His father worked for _The _Commander Shepard. She was a legend. Literally. Savior of the Citadel, the Butcher of Torfan… somehow he'd always pictured her as… taller maybe? And with fangs for teeth…

OK, he could deal with his father working for _The_ Commander Shepard. He could deal with having his father back in his life. He was really, really glad his father wasn't dead, like that letter had said. He could even deal with knowing his father was going on a supposedly dangerous mission he might not return from…

What he could not deal with was that his father seemed to be in some kind of strange xeno-relationship with _The_ Commander Shepard, a human. He wasn't stupid. He wasn't a kid, anymore. His father was sleeping with _The_ Commander Shepard… and it just blew his mind!

"Thane," she said, smiling at him after Kaidan had left, "I'm going to head back to the Normandy. I told Miranda we'd be leaving in the morning, but if you need more time, just let me know. And Kolyat," she continued, turning her gaze to the young drell across the table, "Capt. Bailey wants you in his office at ten in the morning." Getting up from the table, Thane rose too, intent on at least walking her to the door of the restaurant.

"Wait," Kolyat said, laying his napkin on his now empty plate and standing, too. This was all just too crazy. He had to know… "Are you going to be my new step-mother or something equally weird?"

And all of the sudden two sets of stunned eyes were glaring at him. "What?" she managed to croaked. Next to her Thane just closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and middle fused fingers.

Around them, conversations stopped and people stared.

The first to recover, Thane said, "Perhaps this conversation would best be continued back at the apartment. It is not a subject for common ears and casual discussion." Leaving enough credits on the table to cover their meal and then some, he ushered his son and Siha out into the late evening artificial light of the Citadel.

Outside Becca stopped and crossed her arms, looking at Thane and his son. "Thane, I don't want to intrude on your time with Kolyat. This should be time the two of you spend together, without - "

"Siha, I wish to be truthful with my son, but I find that a crowded sidewalk is not the place - "

"Gods, she's a Siha now, too? You two find me when you know what the hell it is you're doing…" Thoroughly disgusted with the 'adults' now, the younger Krios took off towards the apartment.

"Thane…"

"Siha…"

"What the hell is a Siha?" she asked, already taking off after Kolyat.

"One of the Goddess Arashu's warrior angles," he said, catching up to her. Walking fast, they wove through the foot traffic in their path

"And that would upset him, why?" she asked, following him when he took her hand and guided her towards a side avenue. Rounding the corner he pulled her closer and walker them into the shadows.

"Because he thinks…" He stopped and turned her to face him, his hands going up to cup her face as he stared intently into her eyes. Ever since he'd watched her sitting with the Alliance soldier, holding his hand, smiling at something he'd said, he'd been going slowly insane. It was impossible to ignore what was in his heart any more. Without meaning to, he'd fallen in love with her, and he was helpless to fight against it any more.

"Thinks what, Thane?" she asked in a whisper. His gaze bored into her with an intensity that caused her breath to hitch, her heart to pound, and her body to tingle. Suddenly she wanted him so badly she physically ached to feel his arms around her…

"He thinks that I love you…" he finally replied. When she tensed in his arms he was unable to look away, more terrified that at any moment in his entire life.

"Thane…" her voice trembled, and she looked at him intently before she whispered, "Do you?" and she held her breath. For someone who claimed she didn't believe in love, she found herself wishing with all her soul that he said 'yes'…

**A/N: Somewhere this chapter went waaaayyyyy off track. I mean seriously, it took a detour to 'WTF' land and I was just along for the ride. And I'm sooooo sorry the smexiness didn't happen. Really, I don't know what happened. I just hope I'm the one writing the next chapter, because clearly I wasn't in charge for this one. If I had been, it would have been one big smut fest….**

**Also, if you leave a review, please let me know what you thought of the conversation with Kaidan. I know he usually gets a bad rap for Horizon, and I didn't want to go there and write something that has been done before by many others writers with lots more talent than me.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Mystery to Me**

by:

Emantsal

Chapter 19

**A/N:** Wow! (Not to be confused with World of Warcraft) I never expected to have so many reviews of the last chapter. Thank you so much for the kind and wonderful reviews to: **omg, wozbee, lunar47, BailLia, drell66, shep fan, Orchidellia, PurgatoryHeart, Esper, clicksqueak, me fan, manderlinaa, nbbb, Kiki Aries, mnomaha, Server-Black, Nonsense, Vannesa Masters, Aethelynne**, and a long time reviewer, **Matyrfae**. I apologize for not responding to each of you, but work has been crazy lately and as one of the senior team leaders in the office, I've had more on my plate than I could deal with. I even had to bring work home with me! (facepalm - I need a new job…)

So glad most of you liked how I handled Kaidan. The over the top, "I hate your guts" approach has been done many times and I just wanted to try something a little different, explore a different facet of that relationship that most people never think about.

That said, here's the next chapter and the smexiness I promised several chapters ago… Remember, let me know what you think with a review if you have time.

**Warning: A little kinkier sex than usual. Mild butt play… really mild…**

_MASS EFFECT 2 MASS EFFECT 2 MASS EFFECT 2 MASS EFFECT 2_

"_Thane…" her voice trembled, and she looked at him intently before she whispered, "Do you?" and she held her breath. For someone who claimed she didn't believe in love, she found herself wishing with all her soul that he said 'yes'…_

His eyes never left her, and it was several heartbeats in which she dared not even breathe before he said, "With everything that I am, Siha" And then his lips claimed hers in a kiss so tender and full of love… It was like nothing she'd ever known before. In that one kiss, he gave himself to her, offering her his love unconditionally. He didn't require her to do anything, be anyone, other than who she was. He made no demands, didn't ask her to love him back… He just – loved her…. And it was almost more than she could understand, more than she could believe. No one had ever loved her like that… no one…

^^^^^^^^^^ME2-ME2-ME2-ME2^^^^^^^^^^^

"Kolyat," he called as he entered the apartment some time later. In the back he could hear water running, and his son soon appeared from the bathroom that was just off the kitchen area.

"So where's my new mother," the teal drell drawled, moving to sprawl on the couch and switch on the vid monitor, refusing to even look at his father. He honestly didn't know how to feel about his father and… _her…_ _his father was in love with The Commander Shepard… _ _but holy crap, more than that, his father was actually WITH The Commander Shepard… _But damnit, how could he so easily forget Kolyat's mom?

"Commander Shepard has returned to her ship, Kolyat. She did not feel it was right to intrude on our time together."

"_Go, be with your son, Thane. I never had a family, a father…but I know it's important for him… for you… I'll be here when you get back. I'm not going anywhere."_

Somewhere, somehow he must have done something right in his life to be so blessed with another Siha…

Thane had no idea what was going through his son's mind. They had discussed his illness and the fact he was dying. His son knew the mission he was on with Shepard was in all likelihood a suicide mission. And now his son knew about…

"But… you are _with_ Commander Shepard, aren't you?" He looked over at his father when Thane said, "Yes, Kolyat, but I am not sure what you mean by 'with'."

That look Kolyat had just given him. Something sly, a little rebellious, insinuating…

"You know, shacking up, playing house, having a good time… screwing around… I mean she is hot, for a human, and I'll bet she's something between the she - "

The young drell didn't get to say anything else because his father hauled him to his feet with a fist of his shirt at the neck. "You have no reason to disrespect the Commander like that. She has been nothing but kind to you," Thane bit out, voice very low and controlled. "If you are angry at someone, be angry at me. I am the one who left you. I am the one leaving again…" He released his son and sat down heavily on the couch, not looking at the young drell standing above him. "I am the one you should be angry at. Not her. I'm the one who's screwed up all our lives…" He rubbed a hand over his face, suddenly feeling very old and very tired.

Kolyat fell back on the sofa next to his father and ask the one real question that had been bothering him, "What about mom?"

"Kolyat – son… I have never stopped loving your mother, just as I never stopped loving you."

"Then how can you be with someone else? Even if she is the amazing Commander Shepard."

Slouching back on the couch, leaning his head back and looking up at the ceiling, Thane explained, "After your mother died, I spent many years alone and I let my work become my life. When I was diagnosed with Kepral's, I was content to die, more than ready to return to the sea and your mother's side. I had lost everything that meant anything to me. I had lost you mother. I thought I had lost you…" He stopped and turned his head to look at his son. "But then I met Shepard, and she offered me a chance to join her on an impossible mission, fighting against impossible odds. The Collectors are evil and I could maybe in some way make up for my life of sin, a life I wasted. I could at least make a small difference in the galaxy before I returned to the sea."

"Does Commander Shepard know you're… that you have…"

"Yes, she knows about the Kepral's, knows that I'm dying."

"Do you love her, like you did mom?"

"Yes."

"… I'm sorry… what I said earlier…"

"You have a right to be angry Kolyat. Just not at her. Never at her."

"I guess it's kinda cool that my father is dating Commander Shepard, even if no one will believe me when I tell them."

"And why wouldn't they believe you?"

"Let's face it dad. You're kinda old for one, and she's waaaayyyyy out of your league for another."

"Old, huh?" His heart missed a beat. Had Kolyat just call him 'dad'?

"Yeah, old."

"And out of my league?"

"Sooooo far out of your league…"

Thane stayed with Kolyat and slept on the couch that night. They spent hours talking, getting to know each other again. It would take time, but because of his Siha, Thane had his son back. Because of his Siha, he had so much more than he ever thought to have again. Because of his Siha, he had hope…

The next morning, he made sure Kolyat had enough credits to cover essentials for a few weeks and wouldn't starve before he started drawing his pay from C-Sec. They went out and had a quick breakfast at a corner deli before Thane said it was time for him to get back to the Normandy. For the first time in ten years, Thane hugged his son, the emotions almost bringing him to his knees. With promises to write and stay in contact, Thane pulled Kolyat into one last hug before heading out for the Normandy. His step was lighter than it had felt in many years. His heart was lighter than it had felt in a lifetime…

Back on the Normandy, Becca threw herself into preparing for their departure the next morning. She had to stay busy or she'd begin thinking too much.

With most of the crew still on shore leave, she spent her time going over reports and making sure everything was ready. Supplies had been restocked – gun parts, ammo, research materials, food, both dextro and levo based fare…

It was late, very late when she made her way to the training area of the hanger and over to the treadmill. Hours later, she barely managed to stand upright in the shower, and on the way to her bed she didn't even think of stopping at the mini bar for a night cap…

She managed at least two hours of coma like sleep before it was time to get up and prepare for departure. By 0700, all crew were accounted for except Thane, Kelly, Garrus, and Miranda. She didn't even want to think about where Yeoman Chambers and Garrus were, and she knew Miranda had been visiting with her sister.

Leaving the med bay after talking with Dr. Chakwas to make sure they had all the medical supplies she'd ordered, she was on her way to the cockpit to talk to Joker. When the elevator door opened to the CIC, Thane was waiting. She cast him a sly smile that closely resembled a happy smirk as they slid past each other. "I have to talk to Joker," she said continuing past him toward the helm of the ship. As much as she wanted to go somewhere quite and just talk, she knew it would have to wait. She had a ship to get into the air and en-route to their next mission.

She'd promised Kasumi she would help with the recovery of something special to her, her old partner's graybox which was in the possession of a known weapons dealer and criminal king pin. Donovan Hock killed Kasumi's partner, Keiji Okuda, and stole his graybox, a neural implant that stored memories and information. It also stored a secret, which if exposed, would damage the Alliance's reputation. Kasumi wanted the graybox because of the memories it held of her lover. Shepard wanted the graybox to find out what secret it held about the Alliance. She might be wearing a Cerberus uniform, but deep down she would always be an Alliance soldier, not matter what.

Thane knew Shepard was preparing the Normandy for departure, and as such she would be busy for the next several hours. That would at least give him time to meditate on the events that had transpired recently. Time for prayer and above all thanks for all the gods had given him. He had his son back, something he'd never thought possible. The gods had graced his life with another woman to love, a Siha… He had a disconcerting feeling that death, when it came for him, would not be as welcome as he had once imagined.

Heading for the loft, he had undressed and was about to step into a cool shower when he heard the cabin doors open and close. He didn't even have time to react before his arms were full of warm, sweet smelling female. He had just enough time to register a saucy smile on her lips before he found himself pressed up against the wall and full lips taking his breath away. Arms wrapped around his waist and Commander Shepard proceeded to kiss him silly before pulling away and saying, "I just wanted you to know I missed you." And then she was back out the door and he had to wonder if he'd just imagined it all…

The day passed quickly. After a morning spent in meditation and prayers, Thane ventured to the mess for lunch and was invited to share a seat with Garrus as the big Turian poured over some sub-schematics for the Thanix Cannon. Over the past several weeks, he had developed a genuine fondness for Shepard's old friend. Not that Garrus was old, but Thane figured he still had at least five to seven years on the other man.

Lately, Garrus had been taking any opportunity to regale him with stories and incidentals about the Commander from when they had chased Saren across the galaxy. It was on of these embellished retellings that Becca walked in on.

"I swear to you Thane, she has a nose for mining. She must be able to smell the metal from miles away. Alenko used to tease her that she was better than any hound dog he'd ever hunted with."

"I am unfamiliar with the term 'hound dog', Garrus."

"They're kind of like varren, but with fur and they originate on earth. They have an extremely developed sense of smell."

"And Shepard can smell minerals?" Thane asked in all seriousness.

"No, not really. But every time we landed on a planet, she'd get this look on her face and before we knew it, she was driving that Mako like a bat out of hell towards something that wasn't even on the radar. She'd just say that she had a feeling… And the next thing you knew, she was pulling up along side a big deposit of gold, or uranium, or palladium..."

"I believe when I first joined the Normandy, you flatly refused to let The Commander drive, even the cab in Nos Astra."

"Thane... Thane, Thane, Thane… never, and I repeat, never, let Shepard drive. Anywhere. Ever."

"I heard that, Garrus," Becca said, coming to sit beside Thane at the table, a cup of coffee in her hands. "Don't listen to him, Thane. I'm a great driver."

"Sure… like that time we were coming out of that underground geth bunker? Thane, we had just finished taking out a cluster of geth, Shepard, myself, and Wrex. We'd parked the Mako beside the bunker. There were several large crates scattered around, _and…_ several of those dragon's teeth things. You know, the ones that turn humans into husk. Anyway, when we came out, there were more geth there waiting for us. We jumped in, Shepard shoves it in drive and immediately drives up onto one of the dragon's teeth and gets it stuck."

"Garrus, I don't think Thane needs to hear - "

"She's hitting the thrusters, trying to back up, anything to get us out of there. Meantime, the geth are opening fire all around. We finally had to get out of the Mako and take those synthetics out the old fashioned way. Afterwards, we had to cut that dragon's tooth spike thing with a welding torch to get the Mako's front tires back on the ground."

"Garrus…" she gave him a pointed stare.

"And I swear to you, she's the only human I know who's made a krogan crap his pants."

"Garrus…" she gave him the stare and raised an eyebrow.

"Wrex would never admit it, but that last time she floored it and went full speed off the edge of a cliff… Well, lets just say that old krogan was as green as you, Thane, and didn't smell nearly as nice by the time we got back to the Normandy."

"Laugh it up, Garrus. Payback is a mother fucker."

"Oh I could go all day about your driving, Shepard. It's so bad it's legendary. Every time we were in port, I'd requisition enough parts to build ten new Makos, just to keep up with the repairs on the old bucket of bolts."

"That old bucket of bolts got our asses through the conduit on Ilos."

"Another fine example of your blatant disregard for anything resembling sanity in a life or death situation." Turning to Thane, he continued, "We're at the top of this hill. Below us is the conduit, a small mass effect relay that will take us directly to the Citadel. It's surrounded by a plethora -"

"He just likes saying that word – plethora…" Shepard interrupted, matter-of-factly. "Plethoraaaaaa…"

"A plethora of geth," he continued with an air of subtle snootiness, "and she says, and I quote, 'Clench those ass cheeks up tight fellas! I'm putting the pedal to the metal boys, because… we're east bound and down, loaded up and truckin', we're gonna do what they say can't be done…' And then she flips on this loud weird old earth music and we fly down the hill at neck snap speed, all the while she's singing to the top of her lungs about some criminal on fire."

"No, no, no. It was Smokey and the Bandit…" She looked at the blank stares looking back at her. "It was from an old earth movie about the police, they were called Smokey's back them, and this guy nick named Bandit in a fast car trying to smuggle some beer to this rich guy on a bet."

More blank stares.

"It was a really funny movie and they drove fast and…"

More blank stares, and she huffed, "Oh never mind," and left them to head back to the loft to complete some reports that needed to be filed.

When they were sure she had indeed entered the elevator and that the door had closed,  
Garrus continued to look straight ahead, blank stare firmly in place. "This blank stare thing? It's pure gold, Thane. Pure gold."

"What blank stare thing?" Thane asked, keeping his expression totally unchanged as he turned his head to look at his friend.

"Garrus, what blank stare thing?" he asked again as Garrus tried unsuccessfully to crawl back up onto the bench from where he'd fallen onto the floor laughing too much.

"Pure. Gold," he managed to croak out before he slipped back down, holding his sides as he howled in laughter.

Thane and Garrus resumed conducting their hand-to-hand training in the afternoon, and after several hours of heavy training, Thane headed for the crew deck showers since he knew Becca was trying to finish up reports before their next mission. Dressed only in loose sweats and a form fitting black t-shirt, he took the elevator up to the loft and was surprised to see Kasumi coming from the Commander's quarters.

"Hey Thane. Bye Thane," the thief quipped quickly before hurrying into the elevator and closing the door. The sly grin she flashed him was… unsettling…

Striding through the door, he asked "Siha, did Ms. Goto have more information regarding this miss - "

"Oh, hey Thane. Can you believe she wants me to wear this to that party?" Becca asked, still looking at herself in the mirror.

All coherent thought left his brain, and he could only stare at the vision before him as she continued to say, "Is this Allison Gunn a criminal mastermind or a pole dancer? I'm very conflicted about which role I'm supposed to play here." She continued turning this way and that, checking the outfit from different angles.

"But these shoes? No way. Ugggglly. I've got a better pair in here somewhere," she continued, kicking off the low heeled black pumps and bending over to rummage through the back of her closet.

Oh Gods, that ass… Apparently a part of his brain could still function. Well, maybe it was his cock right now doing the thinking…

She slipped her slim feet into the black leather high heeled booties that accentuated her long legs. "What do you think?" she asked, straightening up and turning around.

Thane couldn't breathe, and it wasn't because of the Keprals. She was every Xeno fantasy he'd ever had since that first time on the Citadel… and he'd thought about it a lot. And of course those vids Mordin had sent over today didn't help. He should have never opened his e-mail…

The short black leather dress hugged her flawless figure like a glove, showing every curve, every dip, from the flat planes of her abs, to the way the halter top caressed her breasts, to the plump handfuls of that ass he just wanted to lick… Gods he was lost. So hopelessly lost.

"Thane?" Becca asked for the second time when he just stood there, staring. And then she heard it. Was he growling?

"Siha," he managed as his feet carried him down the steps to where she stood. The small smirk on her lips told him she was perfectly aware of the effect she had on him. He knew she heard the rumbling growl in his chest.

"Well, I can tell _you_ like it, but will it get me into Hock's party?" she asked, burning back around to look at herself in the mirror again. Hummm… a little shorter and it almost looked like something she used to wear when she worked at the strip club…

Behind her, Thane came to stand at her back, his eyes intent on the image in the mirror. He skin was creamy against the black of the leather. Her hair spilled half way down her back in glorious waves of gold.

He let his hands rest on her shoulders and pulled her back against his chest. His eyes locked with her in the mirror as he let his palms slowly slide down her arms then moved to cup a full breast in each. He lovingly ran a thumb over the pebbled nipples through the fabric, enjoying how they grew hard, eager for his touch, listening as her breathing hitched and desire flamed to life in those gray eyes locked with his in the mirror.

"Thane…" she moaned, leaning her head back on his chest. The look he'd given her when she'd turned around had reminded her of a wild beast stalking his mate. Uncontrolled, driven by a base desire, an instinctual need to dominate and mate. And oh how she wanted him to dominate her right now…

Why was it she had no control over her body when he so near? One look and she was a quivering mass of sexual need only he could fill. She watched in the mirror as one hand abandoned a breast to slide slowly down her flat abs and stomach to rest on her mound. An alien hand so beautiful against her body, green scaled fingers inch by inch pulling the fabric of her skirt up, exposing the fact she was bare beneath the dress.

It was getting harder to breathe, harder to think the closer he came to touching her, the anticipation making her breasts tingle, her sex throb with want, and her skin to crave his touch…

But damn it he teased her, a single scaled finger slowly, lightly, playing with her, little touched, never making contact with that little jewel guaranteed to send her into orgasmic fits.

She reached behind her and cupped his balls, gently rolling them, pausing to slide her palm up and down his hard length. Two could play this game…

And then he was pulling the dress's zipper down and pushing the dress into a puddle at her feet. Before she could do anything, he was standing behind her again and the image in the mirror was so striking, so erotically arousing…

"I need to feel you against me," she managed to whisper, still locked on the image before her, her eyes never leaving his in the mirror. Watching, unable to look away… shirt tossed onto the bed, sweats kicked into the corner… creamy skin striking against the dark greens and blacks of his scales. Alien and erotic and… so perfect… together…

He swept her hair from where it clung to the dewy skin of her neck, his lips slowly moving down the slim column to her shoulder. He felt her breath hitch when his thumb slid over a pebbled nipple, her breast a luscious weigh in his hand. He let his other hand slide slowly down her toned abs and stomach to grip her hip and pull her back against his throbbing cock.

She turned her head; her lips seeking his in a breathless kiss that left him aching to sheath himself in her tight warmth. Tongues and lips sipped from each other as his hands continued to caress her body. He leaned down to tease a taut nipple with his tongue as the hand on her hip moved to ever so slowly slip between her slightly parted thighs. Fused fingers delved between the soft lips of her sex, finally toying with her clit before sliding into the warmth of her body.

Her hands gripped his thighs as she tried to keep herself upright, every muscle turning to jelly under the onslaught from his lips and hands. In and out he thrust his fingers into her dripping sex, his other hand trailing down to join from behind and tease at the forbidden puckered flesh he found there. He captured her lips in an all consuming kiss as he began working the fingers of both hand into the delicious juice flowing from her sex. She was moaning and shuddering now as he took one juice slicked finger and slowly filled her ass, the other hand working her clit and pussy.

He moved them then, pushing her up against the fish tank, nudging her legs apart so that he could stand between them. In those sexy high heels, she was at just the right height if he bent her over slightly… In a daze he sunk his pulsing cock deep inside her, his movements harsh and rough as passion took control of his actions.

Gods he loved this woman. Loved her heart, mind and soul… And her body… He couldn't get enough of her. His cock expanded as he pumped into her tight, warn heaven. Leaning forward to wrap himself around her, he pinched a pebbled nipple between his thumb and forefinger and with the other hand worked magic on her clit as he kept slamming his hips against her plump ass, his cock pistoning in and out of her tight, wet sex.

"Cum for me Siha," he breathed against her ear, his tongue feathering the exquisite shell as she moaned and gasps against him.

"Thane…" she moaned, unable to speak. Unable to do anything but drown in the sensations he was wringing from her body. She was going up in flames…

"Tell me what you want Siha," he again whispered in her ear, the hand at her breasts moving down… down and around to squeeze her ass, a thick middle finger slowly pushing down to feather the puckered jewel there begging for his attention.

"I want…" she cried out brokenly, shuddering in his arms as she climbed higher, pressure building. "Thane…"

"Do you want my cock, Siha? Fucking you till you come?" She was like a velvet glove stroking him, milking him, taking him higher and higher towards the sun.

"Yes, God. Yes. Fuck me…" She was almost wailing with need now.

"Do you want my fingers playing with your clit? Taking you higher? I feel your cunt squeezing my cock and I want to cum so badly. Want to shoot my load deep inside your hot body and watch it leak out as I fuck you… forever…"

"Oh God Thane, I'm going to cum… almost there…" He pinched her clit with one hand and carefully worked the thick middle finger of his other hand into her ass, causing her to tighten even further around his cock.

"Cum for me, Becca," he groaned, teeth clamping down on the smooth skin of her neck, his fingers and cock sending her over the edge, screaming his name as she came apart, her sex clamping tightly around his shaft so that he came so hard he thought he would pass out.

Finely his hips slowed, thought he continued a slow languorous slide in and out of her tight body, that first rush leaving him relaxed and finally able to appreciate the way her warm body jerked and twisted against his as she came down from her own intense orgasm.

"Thane…" She was barely able to lift her arm and hand backward, reaching to pull his face and lips to her as she leaned her head back.

"Don't stop. Oh God, I love the feel of you inside me. I love how you touch me…." She rocked her hips in time with his thrust. "I love how you love me…"

He walked them slowly over to the bed, withdrawing from her body to turn her around and face him. His lips claimer hers again as he moved them onto the bed, encouraging her to straddle his hips as he lay back.

"Ride me Siha. I want to see you cum this time. I want to see your lips call my name when you soar over the edge."

"You just want to watch that big fat cock of yours slide in and out of my body Thane. Don't think I don't know about that kinky side you only let out to play once in a while. What is it with men and their cocks? Was it love at first sight?" she teased, even as her breath hitched and she her teeth worried her plump bottom lip. Lowering herself down over his still rock hard cock, she began to move slowly, undulating her hips, rocking back and forward. Cupping her own breasts, she pinched and pulled on her nipples as she moved over her lover, her sex loving his cock with each squeeze of her inner muscles.

Holy hell he felt soooo good! And the way his body loved hers… They were meant to be here, together… they were meant to be….

"_With everything that I am, Siha" _ Oh God, he really did love her… This amazing man loved her. He loved _her_. Not because she was Commander Shepard, not because of the uniform she wore, not because she could do something for him…. He just loved her…

And by everything that was holy, she knew she loved him… And that was what took her over the edge as she climaxed for the second time, his name a prayer on her lips as she toppled over the edge into the stars above her…

_I love you…_

"Thane," she shuttered as her orgasm rocked through her. He pulled her down, his lips on hers as he continued to thrust up into her tight warmth.

Rolling them over, he couldn't stop himself from plunging faster and faster into her sweet paradise. She was a fire in his blood and he slammed into her over and over again. He knew she was fast approaching her third orgasm, so he reached between their straining, sweat soaked bodies and caressed the bundle of nerves that nestled between her legs, sending her skyward, her cunt tightening around his cock and sending him soaring after her, his hot seed flooding into her for a second time…

He knew he was crushing her, but soft hands rubbed slow circles over the scales on his back, and soft lips lingered and kissed along the sensitive frills of his neck. She nuzzled in more and a contented sigh escaped her lips…

It might have sounded crazy, but this was what she loved. Thane, spent and totally satisfied, his weight just so… delicious, pressing down on her. Naked bodies, sweat slicked, locked together… loving each other.

Thane loved her. And she? She loved him, utterly, completely, hopelessly….

With effort, they managed to move enough to pull up the sheet from where they had kicked it to the foot of the bed, sleep claiming them almost immediately.

`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-``-ME2ME2`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`

She watched him sleeping, arm curved up over his head, legs tangled in white sheets that provided a vivid contrast to the dark green and black scale that covered his body. He was so beautiful…

God, how could this have happened? She'd sworn up and down to never fall in love again. Of course, now she knew that what she'd felt for Kaidan was never love. Infatuation? Yes. Love? No. She'd cared for him, sure. But it hadn't been love. She had finally realized that at the restaurant. The first clue had been that she didn't feel like punching him in the face. The second had been a revelation born of that first clue. She really didn't care. So he'd walked away… So what? He'd hurt her pride more than anything.

Well, maybe it had made her take a good long look at their relationship, and when it was revealed to have some serious flaws, well… she didn't like to loose – at anything.

She, she cared for him, he was a fellow soldier and they had gone through a lot together – but she knew now she'd never loved him. She'd been in love with the idea of being in love. She'd been in love with the thought of someone loving her…

But Thane? She knew she shouldn't, knew it would be unwise to let herself love him, but…

Hell, who was she trying to kid? She had absolutely no control over her heart where he was concerned. She was totally in love with him. Even if he was terminally ill. She'd take what she could get and never look back, because she knew all too well there were no guarantees in life.

Tears welled up and slid down her face. Was love supposed to hurt this much? What would she do when he was gone, if they even managed to survive the Omega-4 Relay? She'd never felt as if her heart was being ripped apart before, but looking at him lying there, she admitted to herself that Thane Krios had held her heart from the first time they met. He was her first real love. Her only love…

Thane came awake slowly, initially aware that something, some sound, had roused him from a deep sleep.

He was alone in bed, the only light from the fish tank casting a faint glow on the objects in the room.

A quite sob from the direction of the couch had him immediately up and padding on silent feet to where she sat, curled up, silently sobbing.

He sat beside her and gathered her in his arms, and when she burrowed closer, face pressing close against the soft scales of his neck, he just held her tighter as the emotional storm swept through. He didn't even realize he was crooning to her until she kissed his neck, right on the spot that vibrated…

"Siha, what's wrong?" he asked. She was upset, clearly; and, unable to stop the demons that preyed on his soul, he wondered if she was morning the end of her relationship with the Alliance Major. If the Major could make her happy…

"Nothing," she hiccupped, sniffling, pressing her face deeper into his skin.

"Do you miss him so much? Your Alliance Major?" he finally asked.

She almost laughed, but when she pulled back and looked up into his eyes, she saw that he really thought she was still in love with Kaidan.

"No. I don't miss Kaidan. I never really loved him. I just realized that last night. After I got back, I spent some time just thinking. About Kaidan, about me, about you…"

"Siha, if this is about what I said – I do not expect anything from you. My love for you is not contingent on your returning my feelings. The Gods have blessed me with more than I deserve - "

She placed a finger on his lips to silence him, and then replaced her finger with her lips.

"Thane, shhhh…" she whispered against his lips, withdrawing sooner than she wanted. She wanted all her faculties, and his kisses were better than any drug she'd ever known.

"You deserve so much more. You deserve to live your life free from the past, to know joy, to know love…" and then she kissed him. "You deserve to be loved, Thane, and… I love you," she whispered against his lips, reaching a hand up to stroke the soft scales of his neck. "That's what I realized when I saw Kaidan yesterday. I never loved him." She pressed her lips to his again before adding, "But you? – I think I've loved you from the moment I saw you in that bar."

"Siha, I never expected to feel this way again. With you I'm alive, and no matter what happens, I have been blessed in what time I have left in this life."

"No matter what happens, I'm not going to waste time worrying about tomorrow. Today, right now, this moment is all we have. And from now until time ceases to be, I will love you Thane Krios. Now and always…"

**A/N 2: **As always, I covet your reviews. I'm totally addicted to them. Not just on this story, but on any of my other works you might be interested in reading. Reviews are better than: chocolate, pastries, rich dark coffee, a new pair of shoes, getting into my skinny jeans…

If you are interested in the high heeled booties my Shep is wearing, go to Zappos and check out Michael Kors Rock n Roll Bootie, on sale right now for only $226.95! (I am such a shoe whore!)

Now, recommended reading: (I unintentionally taught high school English for a while…)

Some FemShep/Thane Stories I've been keeping up with lately that I've liked. Check them out if you have time. There can never be too much Shep and Thane.

Aethelynne – The Waiting One

Demonic-Kit – Death won't Bring Us Apart

Pagerunner – Life Beyond Memory, Remembrance,

LawGrad07 - News


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